Category: Sex Addiction
The Good Therapy Blog
December 16th, 2011 |
Last month I discussed the dilemma of a psychologically wounded person who feels torn between a yearning to get his deepest needs met – a need for connection, safety and love – and a terror that those needs will be rejected (subtly or otherwise), leading to a traumatic abandonment, or re-abandonment in most cases. This creates dueling goals: to be loved and to maintain connection through inevitable “bumps” on the relational road, which in the person’s life has proven impossible. Thus the faith that lasting relational intimacy can be found is slim to none, assuming it exists at all.
Those... Read More
November 21st, 2011 |
I’m struck by the fact that people with addiction issues, when confronted with the destructive effects of their behaviors, often find it harder to stop. This is especially true, in my clinical experience, when it comes to compulsive sexual behavior, aka sex addiction. Why is that?
Therapy clients who struggle with drinking or substance abuse tend on the whole to accept – eventually, and with my ongoing support – that they do have a problem with drinking or using, and that these behaviors are an obstacle to happier living. Once “the cat is out of the bag”, they usually attempt to reduce... Read More
November 7th, 2011 |
Several years ago, researchers Wolak, Mitchell, and Finkelhor published a highly disturbing article in Pediatrics magazine about youth exposure to online pornography which highlighted its effects on youth aged 10 to 17. Very few kids or young teens find their way into my office, but I’m beginning to see more and more young adults who began early and now struggle with the compulsion to watch online porn. According to Wolak and his colleagues, “rates of unwanted exposure to sexual material among youth increased from 25% to 44% from 1999 to 2006, despite similar increases in the use of protective... Read More
June 29th, 2011 |
A psychology professor at California State Long Beach has compiled an impressive pile of data – over 500 studies! – that suggests that women are at least as if not more physically aggressive than men in their intimate relationships. In a 2008 ABC News “What Would You Do?” segment, actors played out two scenarios in public: a man verbally abusing his female partner, then shaking her and pulling her hair, followed by a woman doing the same to him. In the first instance,... Read More
June 22nd, 2011 |
I want to start off by saying that pornography in and of itself is not a ‘bad’ thing. We have preconceived notions about porn being something bad. Men feel guilty about it. Women feel threatened by it. I want to talk a little bit about why porn is good, and why porn is bad. At the core, I believe that everything in moderation is the best format to follow. And a little bit of porn should be fine, as long as it’s not interfering with your sex life, social life, finances, job, relationship,... Read More
June 13th, 2011 |
So here we go again. Another public figure admitting to erroneous acts that skirt just outside the confines of his marriage. But is it infidelity? When Arnold Schwarzenegger came clean about fathering a child out of wedlock, at least there was concrete evidence that people could look at and say, “Ah, hah! He definitely cheated!” But with virtual flirtation, recognizing when someone has crossed that line becomes a little more difficult. When does social media contact become infidelity? If my husband instant messaged an old buddy from high school, I probably wouldn’t mind. But if it was an... Read More
June 7th, 2011 |
Do you know the difference between a relapse and a onetime occurrence of making a poor choice? In asking that question, let me first say that it is important to not excuse a slip up or any patterns of making healthy behavioral choices followed by re-engaging in old patterns, even one time. Yes, there can be times where the one struggling with sexual addiction has a prolonged period of sobriety, they let their boundary down briefly and then get back on track... Read More
April 20th, 2011 |
Did you know that according to Patrick Carnes, Sex Addiction Expert, he reports that relapse happens for most individuals who struggle with sex addiction in the second six months of recovery? Most individuals gain traction in recovery through counseling, support groups and establishing strong boundaries. It is very important that individuals who struggle with sex addiction stay proactive in their recovery and the journey to having healthy and satisfying relationships.
These are three effective ways to avoid relapse in a sexual addiction recovery program:
1. Be humble:
For many individuals... Read More
March 18th, 2011 |
Families are amazingly resilient relationship groups. While many of us have enduring trouble with some aspect of our families, past or present, all of us are part of some form of family all our lives. Most of us organize our lives, day in, day out, year in, year out, around the needs, priorities, goals and problems of our chosen family. Whatever differences and conflicts we may have with other nations and peoples around the world, the human family is the way all of us organize.
Family Therapy is a form of psychotherapy that seeks to understand, theorize and imagine ways to help families function... Read More
March 14th, 2011 |
“I’ve tried so many times and so many different ways, what is the point of trying anymore?” “I am too ashamed, what will others think if I admit this?” “Is there really a way to overcome this, it feels like too much?” These are just a few of the statements I repeatedly hear from individuals who struggle with sex addiction and truly believing that there is no hope, or at least it feels that way to them. Have you wondered if sex addiction is really an addiction? Well, consider these statistics:
- The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health conservatively estimates 3% - 5% of... Read More
February 6th, 2011 |
It is devastating for a partner to find out that the person they love is battling sex addiction by losing themselves in pornography or, even worse, engaging in multiple affairs. The partner is questioning whether they even want to be in the relationship, let alone rebuild trust. However, if both are willing to do the hard work by taking a look at what each individual needs to labor through and agree to a transparent and consistent plan, trust can be rebuilt and eventually restored.
So what does it take to make restoring trust possible? Here are a few important factors that can help the couple... Read More
January 10th, 2011 |
Has my entire marriage been a lie? Am I to blame? Is there any hope for my marriage? Is divorce my best option? These are just a few of the questions that will run through your mind after discovering your partner’s sexual betrayal. You will experience a roller coaster of emotions.
You want to first encourage that the betrayer spouse is taking care of himself or herself while seeking support. Next, don’t make any permanent or rash decisions while the feelings are raw and fresh. Finally, realize that divorce does not have to be the answer if both individuals in the relationship will be... Read More
December 23rd, 2010 |
What does a sex therapist do? People often ask me what type of problems show up most often in my office. As most readers of my blog already know, I don’t like to put lots of focus on “disorders” like “erectile dysfunction”; and in fact most people don’t call up saying “I have e.d.” Most people call because they are experiencing sex addiction in some form, or because they’re having difficulties with desire or lack of desire.
One caller said, ”My partner wants sex twice a week and I’m more interested in once per month.” Are you figuring that the speaker is probably... Read More
November 2nd, 2010 |
Recent interest in sexual addiction has drawn attention to a variation called Sexual Anorexia. Also called sexual “acting in,” sexual anorexia is characterized by a severe aversion sexual contact and the obsessive avoidance of sex. Other signs of sexual anorexia include:
-shame and loathing after sex
-rigid, judgmental attitudes about sex
-excessive fear about sexually transmitted disease
-body distortion
-obsessive self-doubt
-self-destructive behaviors to limit, stop, or avoid sex
-episodes of sexually acting out or “bingeing.” Read More
