Category: Self-Love
The Good Therapy Blog
February 14th, 2011 |
Being single around Valentine's Day can kind of feel like getting picked last in gym class. The kid who gets picked last in gym class really lacks only athletic ability. Yet, as name after name is called on the playground, the kid whose name has yet to be called feels worse and worse about herself. By the time the team with the last pick finally has to take her, she feels like a totally worthless loser. Certainly, this kid is not a worthless loser. She’s just not a jock. Likewise, around Valentine's Day, single people who see bouquet after bouquet of flowers being delivered may feel worse and... Read More
February 14th, 2011 |
Harvey is a young man who wants to do good for others; he supports his friends generously with time and advice; he likes to take care of people—but not of himself. I asked him, “How come everybody else deserves good treatment, and you don’t? Don’t you count as much as the next guy?”
Harvey answered that he doesn’t want to be selfish. He looked a little embarrassed, guilty, even. He has a good life; who is he to say he wants more, although he did admit that his living situation could stand improvement. But many other people have it lots worse than he does, as he was quick to point... Read More
February 12th, 2011 |
The causes and effects of bullying have been a hot topic of academic research in the past several years. Bullying’s impact on psychological, social, academic and physical health has been increasingly well documented, and the personality traits that lend themselves to bullying (and bullying victimization) are an especially interesting area of research. While personality traits such as introversion or agreeableness cannot be altered, one helpful quality is self-compassion. Research by University of Arizona undergraduate Michelle Harris finds that individuals... Read More
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January 31st, 2011 |
Mindfulness-Based Therapy is an approach in which the principles of mindfulness are applied for therapeutic purposes. What does it practically mean? In my article “Mindfulness and Knowledge", I pointed out to the 5 basic elements of mindfulness:
1. Pause.
2. Bring awareness in - body, sensations, feelings, thoughts
3. Connect with the breath.
4. Be in the present moment.
5. Adopt a non-judgmental approach – applying compassion.
While working with clients I developed recognition of two main components that emerge... Read More
January 18th, 2011 |
It's that time of year again – the gyms are packed, nicotine patches are flying off the shelves, and book shelves are loaded with titles that promise dramatic weight loss and a svelte new figure. The obligatory New Year's Resolutions are made, and all too often, are forgotten as quickly as they were made. By now, mid-January, many have already abandoned their resolutions. But, why? A new year seems like the perfect opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start fresh, right?
Let's take the following example, if you are a smoker, you already know that it is harmful to your health and you'll... Read More
January 14th, 2011 |
As if there weren’t enough forces in our country and our world trying to get us to not feel . . .
Ourselves, utilizing our own defenses to keep from feeling pain from long, long ago, as well as pain from today or even experiencing anything today that might trigger the ancient pain.
Other people, who do the same thing to themselves, demeaning, ridiculing, attacking, abandoning us when we do feel. Our families, employers-employees-coworkers. Our doctors, lawyers, teachers, agents, coaches, spiritual representatives. Read More
December 20th, 2010 |
Last month we met Melinda and Sharon (not actual people), two women for whom the holidays mean obligation rather than joy.
We saw how Melinda’s primary concern is who will be most disappointed if she doesn’t spend the holidays with them; and we watched as Sharon spent herself into debt buying presents for everyone under the sun.
The holidays are a perfect time to practice “courage under fire.” So much is expected of us. We want to be there for others. Read More
December 13th, 2010 |
Richard came to treatment feeling angry, sad and resentful. He was scared that the man he was living with was getting ready to dump him.
“That always happens,” he said. “Just when I feel my life turn around, I get dumped. What’s wrong with me? Why am I always the one who gets left? I think we were in love, he says he’ll never leave me, but in three months he’ll be gone and I’ll be a fool.”
This was the third serious relationship that was not working out. Richard is handsome, smart, funny. He would seem to be an ideal mate, but he has a fatal flaw. He is very controlling,... Read More
December 7th, 2010 |
It’s the time of year when I see and hear a lot of tips for handling the holidays, because it’s the time of year when food-and-drink-laden events abound, and we’re often spending more time with family members, or spending time with more family members, than usual. Holidays with family are meant to be a time to break bread together and share in joy, abundance, and love. Yet for those who struggle with disordered eating, the food and family combo can be overwhelming.
Learning to navigate situations such as these that can be emotionally charged because of interpersonal dynamics as well... Read More
December 6th, 2010 |
Santa Claus lived long ago in a far away land, far from the United States, in the hills of Bavaria before Thomas Nast drew the first caricature of a rollie-pollie man who evolved into the one depicted in advertisements today. Santa was an original Bohemian, you might say. He was well known in his community as a toy designer and artist who crafted a variety of toys including wooden horses, paper kites, ceramic dolls, stuffed animals and one of-a-kind puppets. In his studio, located on a mountainside, he used his imagination to create characters that portrayed personality aspects belonging to... Read More
December 6th, 2010 |
The holidays are swiftly upon us, and for many, it is a season of joy, anticipation, family and friends, decorations, and memories in the making. For the woman experiencing postpartum challenges, however, the holidays can add an additional layer of stress to excavate oneself out of.
Women who are grappling with a PMAD (the clinical term: perinatal mood/anxiety disorder), or as we can gently refer to as a “postpartum challenge”…endure a complex biochemical/hormonal/ emotional upheaval that requires the strength of a warrior for resolution. Add pressures surrounding the holidays (which... Read More
November 16th, 2010 |
Where should we spend the holidays this year? Should I give a gift to my neighbors? How can we invite so-and-so to dinner without inviting that annoying ______ of hers?
The holiday season can be a minefield of decisions that make us question ourselves and our goodness, competence and worthiness. Obligations to others vs. desires of our own: It’s an everyday tension that gets ratcheted up about a hundred notches during the holidays.
We feel responsible for “getting it right” by making others happy. And if we don’t put everyone else ahead of ourselves, we’re not doing it right. Read More
November 8th, 2010 |
When I write articles for GoodTherapy, I usually write about my views on recovery from disordered eating and body image concerns, and about things I’ve learned from my professional experience. This article is different: it’s about my personal experience. This month’s article was originally due the day after Halloween. For reasons I’ll mention shortly, I hadn’t started writing it by Halloween day. On Halloween afternoon, I pondered this aloud, and my son asked what the article that I had to write was about. I told him, “disordered eating,” and he said, “You have to write it about... Read More
November 5th, 2010 |
I believe the task of childhood is to learn to be a good parent to ourselves, and the task of parenthood is to teach our children to become good parents to themselves. When this doesn’t happen, it becomes the goal of therapy.
Sadly, this process can go awry with one’s own parents. Parents who never had the opportunity to learn how to be a good parent to themselves, often have trouble parenting their children. This can cause generational repetition of growing up without being able to parent oneself well. Sometimes when parents lack skill, children develop good self-parenting ability from... Read More
