By Ker Cleary, MA, Contemplative Psychotherapy Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Ker and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

My favorite bumper sticker: Don’t Believe Everything You Think.

We are such experts in how horrible we are, what losers we are, how much we should suffer. We can tell anyone, and frequently tell ourselves, how we have failed, how we have wasted our lives, amounted to nothing. This may or may not be so. But it is only part of the story. We disregard our own grace and beauty when we are focused on having yelled at someone we love, or bounced a check, or not met our own or another’s expectations. We forget that we mean well. We somehow ignore the generosity we displayed that same day. We discount any accomplishment, any love we gave out, any breath of relief we breathed into the world. Read the rest of this entry

By Alissa Sige Weisman, MFT

Is it hard for you to say “NO”, even when you want to? Are you afraid to sound mean or selfish if you speak up? Do you ever say, “Everything is OK”, even when it’s not?

If you answered “yes”, to any of these questions, deep down, you may wish that you could speak your truth without fear of turning people off or pushing them away. Sometimes, you may even be confused about exactly what you want. Imagine being able to identify your thoughts, feelings and desires and confidently express them without letting your anxiety run away with you. Speaking your truth in each moment will bring you more of the satisfying connections that you long for with your partner, your friends, and your family members. Read the rest of this entry

By Dana Vince, LMHC, Infidelity / Affair Recovery Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Dana and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

There are many reasons why an affair happens. It can rarely be narrowed down to just one thing. Sometimes it is factors in the relationship that have the greatest impact, other times it is problems within the individual. In this article I am going to talk about one common factor that can be a major contributor in an affair.

First let me explain internal vs. external sense of self worth. People who have an internal sense of self worth know that they are valuable simply because they exist. They are aware of their own strengths and have a positive view of themselves regardless of their current circumstances. It’s not that they don’t see flaws in themselves, but they understand that’s normal and they don’t need others to validate them to know that they are okay. Read the rest of this entry

Written by Rod Louden, LMFT

Millions of singles across the world are looking to create relationship bliss. It takes time. It requires energy. It mandates desire. A lot of people have all that. What they don’t have is a valid and reliable Roadmap to Relationship Success. Whether they’re accessing Yahoo Maps or their personal database—if the information used to create a Roadmap is faulty, they’ll end up lost. If you’re single and feeling lost, here are five easy steps that you can take toward creating your dream relationship… Read the rest of this entry

Written Nancy Poitou, M.A., M.F.T

I have been asked often about what is self esteem, self love and self centeredness. These are very good questions and it is a fine line that separates these concepts.

Self esteem means to hold oneself in high esteem, feeling worthy of a good life and good treatment by others. Self esteem results from self respect and respect from others. Self respect includes competence, confidence, honesty, mastery, achievement, independence and freedom. Respect from others includes recognition, acceptance, status, and appreciation. Healthy self esteem is a realistic appraisal of one’s capacities and begins with deserved respect from others.

This usually begins to be built in childhood, when we learn some new skill, or take a risk, a parent says, “Good! You learned how to tie your shoe!”  And so begins the building of self esteem. However when a parent is overly critical or abusive, we get a message that we will never be good enough, that there is just something inherently bad about us, that we are defective. As children we are dependent on adults to give us the foundation of our self esteem and be role models for what is good.

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