By Darlene Lancer, MFT, Women’s Issues Topic Expert Contributor

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Women are notorious at finding fault with themselves. A Dove study last year found that over 40 percent of women are unhappy with their looks, and over two-thirds suffer low confidence about their bodies. Many blamed the airbrushed, ideal models for setting unrealistic, unattainable standards. Our societal attitudes are a major cause.

It starts in childhood. Girls’ self-esteem starts to plummet at nine years old, found Dr. Emily Hancock (The Girl Within (Ballantine, 1990). A 1997 Commonwealth Fund survey determined 25 percent of teenage girls didn’t like or hated themselves compared to 14 percent of males, and 27 percent of the girls had had suicidal thoughts. Girls admitted to being very self-critical particularly of their looks and weight. (The New York Times, “Women’s Health,” 11/4/1997) Things have gotten worse instead of better. A new survey by Dove Self-Esteem Fund reports that seven in ten girls are dissatisfied with their looks and/or their performance in school or in relationships. Sadly, many engage in self-destructive behavior. Read the rest of this entry

By Deborah Klinger, MA, Eating & Food Issues Topic Expert Contributor

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People who struggle with eating and food issues often also struggle with poor self-esteem. I say “poor” rather than “low” because I believe the concept of high and low self-esteem to be problematic. If low self- esteem means perceiving one’s self to be inferior to others, it follows that high self-esteem means perceiving one’s self to be superior to others. Healthy self-esteem is neither high nor low. It is defined by the lack of concern about one’s worth, coupled with a sense of competence and a belief in one’s innate value. When one is comfortable in one’s own skin and doesn’t worry about whether they are good enough, being neither better than nor worse than anyone else, that’s good, solid, healthy self-esteem.

Years ago, I worked for a foster care agency, where I taught classes to prospective foster parents. Out agency used an excellent curriculum called Model Approaches to Partnerships in Parenting (MAPP). MAPP was designed to help prospective foster parents understand the experience of children coming to live in their homes. One of the MAPP modules was on self-esteem. It explained that, in order for a child to develop a sense of healthy self-esteem, they have to be taught, by virtue of the way they are treated by parents and caregivers, that they are four things: loveable, capable, responsible and worthwhile. It’s not just about what children are told, it’s also about how they are treated, and what kinds of responsibilities they are given and when. Read the rest of this entry

By Tina Gilbertson, MA, Self-Esteem Topic Expert Contributor

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Low self-esteem can’t be hidden for long. It tends to show itself through thoughts, words and behavior.

Since some behaviors are simply learned, and may have little to do with one’s level of self-esteem, it’s best to look at the overall picture rather than focusing on just one piece of information.

With that in mind… Read the rest of this entry

By Gail Post, Ph.D., Women’s Issues Topic Expert Contributor

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National Eating Disorders Awareness Week occurs this month, and it is a necessary reminder of the role body image plays in women’s self-esteem. While women with clinical eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia, typically have a distorted body image, even those without eating disorders often struggle with body image concerns ranging from mild dissatisfaction to outright self-hatred. Any woman can feel tormented, terrorized, and completely obsessed with the image reflected back in the mirror.

What perpetuates this assault on body-esteem? Well, one of the biggest offenders is the media. Air-brushed, photo-shopped images of models and celebrities create unattainable expectations of perfection. Ninety-eight percent of American women are heavier than most models (Smolak, 1996), yet they frequently aspire to these impossible standards. Billions of dollars are spent each year on anti-aging skincare, plastic surgery, and diet products. According to the Social Issues Research Centre (1997), 80% of adult women are unhappy with their appearance. Many women internalize the media’s standards of an ideal body, and this can be a risk factor for poor body esteem, dieting, negative mood, and binge eating (Vandereycken, 2006). And this dissatisfaction starts early. Collins (1991) found that 42% of girls in first, second and third grade want to be thinner, and by age 17, approximately seven out of ten girls have been on a diet (SIRC, 1997). Wardle and Marsland (1990) found that almost 40% of 11-12 year-old girls viewed themselves as overweight. Family dynamics, peer pressure, and emotional problems, such as depression, low self-esteem or even a history of trauma, can all contribute to a poor body image. However, societal expectations are the most insidious. Read the rest of this entry

By Darlene Lancer, MFT, Women’s Issues Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Darlene and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

In working with women for decades, I’ve found that self-esteem is the common denominator of many women’s issues. With better self-esteem, women are more able to find balance, handle stress, and claim their autonomy.

Universally, women are considered inferior to men, and although our culture is changing, most women suffer from impaired self-esteem, even successful women. Self-esteem impacts our relationships with others and our relationship with ourselves. It affects self-care, parenting, boundaries, and communication. Self-esteem determines the way we allow others, including our children, to talk to us, and how we value and communicate our needs, thoughts, and feelings. It underpins personal integrity, our ability to pursue goals, and is crucial to effective parenting. A mother may praise her child and try to impart self-esteem, but if hers is low, inevitably, it will be revealed in her behavior, and children learn most by emulation. Read the rest of this entry