Category: Infidelity / Affair Recovery
The Good Therapy Blog
March 18th, 2011 |
Families are amazingly resilient relationship groups. While many of us have enduring trouble with some aspect of our families, past or present, all of us are part of some form of family all our lives. Most of us organize our lives, day in, day out, year in, year out, around the needs, priorities, goals and problems of our chosen family. Whatever differences and conflicts we may have with other nations and peoples around the world, the human family is the way all of us organize.
Family Therapy is a form of psychotherapy that seeks to understand, theorize and imagine ways to help families function... Read More
February 14th, 2011 |
There’s a distinct set of habits that are shared by almost all people who know how to get their partners to be open-minded and receptive, and thanks to decades of painstaking relationship research, we now know exactly what these habits are. If you want to succeed in love, you simply must have specific interpersonal abilities. If you have them, chances are very good that over the long haul your partner will be responsive to your wants and needs. If you don’t have them, the evidence suggests that your relationship future is likely quite dim. A detailed description of each of these habits can... Read More
February 6th, 2011 |
It is devastating for a partner to find out that the person they love is battling sex addiction by losing themselves in pornography or, even worse, engaging in multiple affairs. The partner is questioning whether they even want to be in the relationship, let alone rebuild trust. However, if both are willing to do the hard work by taking a look at what each individual needs to labor through and agree to a transparent and consistent plan, trust can be rebuilt and eventually restored.
So what does it take to make restoring trust possible? Here are a few important factors that can help the couple... Read More
February 4th, 2011 |
Will your relationship last a lifetime? Will you and your partner enjoy each other’s company and have a deep and intimate connection, emotionally and sexually for as long as you both shall live?
That is what we promise when we say, “I do.” Yet the divorce rate hovers around 50% and it’s estimated that 60% of men and 40% of women will have an affair during the lifetime of their marriage. It certainly doesn’t appear that an overwhelming percentage of married couples are in matrimonial bliss.
What does it take to create a relationship of “like, love and lust” that will last till... Read More
October 25th, 2010 |
So often when the topic of Sexual Addiction comes up, the primary focus is on the sex addict, the symptoms and causes of sex addiction, and the journey to freedom from sexual addiction. While this is certainly a much needed focal point, something very important often gets overlooked and that is the effect sexual betrayal has on the spouse of the sex addict! Can you imagine waking up one day to find the world and spouse you thought was one thing but then realize that it is not only completely different, but that you have been betrayed! Certainly there are times when a spouse suspects or feels... Read More
September 24th, 2010 |
How does growing up in a dysfunctional family affect us as adults? The same behaviors and beliefs that we thought enabled us to survive as children cause us a myriad of problems in adulthood. These are so ingrained and automatic that we do them without even realizing it. Changing any of these behaviors provokes anxiety and fear in us, because we think they were a lifeline. In adulthood, they become an albatross around our necks.
The degree to which we are affected depends on the level of dysfunction in the sicker parent, and the other parent’s ability or inability to protect us. Some addicts... Read More
April 20th, 2010 |
If the most difficult words to hear are “you’ve got cancer,” the next most jolting sentence might be “I’ve been having an affair.” Your head spins, emotions may erupt, your emotional earth has essentially been forever shifted on its axis. Dreams are shattered, the partner or spouse you thought you knew is now a stranger, and the wound you feel is so deep like you’ll bleed forever. The betrayal seems unfathomable, the hurt indescribable, and the marital ship now navigates without a rudder.
In this altered reality, this bad dream from which you can only hope you’ll awaken, the... Read More
March 10th, 2010 |
In this article I want to focus on one particular aspect of recovering from an affair: punishing the offending partner.
I am frequently asked: "How long is this pain going to last!?" That's impossible to answer, but I can give you one way to shorten the life span of your pain, and perhaps shorten the recovery process: If you're punishing your partner, stop. Why? Because punishment can slow the recovery process, thereby extending the pain you are working so hard to reduce. Read More
February 22nd, 2010 |
Last week the world watched as a once adored celebrity made an intensely public apology to his family, fans and friends about his infidelity and sexual compulsions. According to news releases, most of the nation was tuned in to the newscast that featured Tiger Woods, who delivered a short monologue about how sorry he was about his sexual behaviors and infidelity. Tiger spoke about the ongoing counseling that he was engaged in, and how it was helping him with... Read More
February 11th, 2010 |
Horror of horrors—you’ve just caught your spouse listing his name on internet sites for meeting sexual partners. What now!! You are furious, and you let him know it in no uncertain terms.
Now fast forward one month later. What used to be a lovely marriage has turned into a nightmare. You are perpetually irritated. Nothing your husband does seems right in your eyes, and you let him now this in no uncertain terms as well. At first your husband looked remorseful about his internet searches. Now he tells you that he only does... Read More
January 14th, 2010 |
There are many reasons why an affair happens. It can rarely be narrowed down to just one thing. Sometimes it is factors in the relationship that have the greatest impact, other times it is problems within the individual. In this article I am going to talk about one common factor that can be a major contributor in an affair.
First let me explain internal vs. external sense of self worth. People who have an internal sense of self worth know that they are valuable simply because they exist. They are aware of their own strengths and... Read More
August 22nd, 2007 |
Among the worst experiences a lover or spouse can endure is discovering that their partner either is having or has had an affair. The sense of betrayal is so powerful that one does not think it is possible to ever get over it...ever. Someone who feels betrayed may experience a wide array of emotions ranging from deep sadness to severe depression to murderous rage, and everything in between. There is no correct set of feelings appropriate to this universal... Read More
