By Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT, Family of Origin Issues Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Lisa and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

If you are one of the many out there who finds yourself in repetitive patterns of unhealthy relationships, perhaps you might benefit from identifying your attachment style – which not only could answer some fundamental questions for you around your relationship “triggers” but also provide clues as to why you attract certain types of people.

There is great deal of research out there on infant attachment (John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth to name a few) about how early interactions with caregivers set up “internal working models” of expectations of how others will behave towards them in the future. Infants that do not feel physically or emotionally safe (responding to cries, mirroring appropriate facial expressions) with their primary caregivers may ultimately become adults who struggle in a variety of ways relationally. Read the rest of this entry

By Mitchell Milch, LCSW

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If I’ve witnessed it once I’ve witnessed it a few hundred times during my years counseling couples. One partner reacts as if his self worth has been decimated by words or actions originating from his partner. The curious and perplexing aspect of observing this process unfold, relates to specific instances when from my perspective evidence of anything that smacks of criticism or judgment is as detectable as an evaporated water spot on a shirt.

This brief article discusses the imperceptible shifts that can take place between partners that explain how one partner ceases to use and value his autonomous self to relate to and process his partner’s communications and then, blames the partner for feeling useless and worthless when an emotional crisis is precipitated. Such a crisis is borne of disappointed expectations shaped by lessons learned at the knee of caregivers that have curiously stood the test of time despite being invalid and unreliable. To illustrate this theme I offer a clinical illustration. The spouses are composites of patients I have worked with over the years. Read the rest of this entry

By Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D., Body-Mind Psychotherapy Topic Expert Contributor

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Achieving her goals was a bit too easy for Nadine.
Thirty-five year old writer and director Nadine got three clients as soon as she put the word out about her new venture as an acting coach. Her script for a TV show was accepted and she was hired to direct the production. She was amazed at how quickly and effortlessly everything was falling into place.

Nadine’s dreams were about to come true. Her talents were prized and she felt giddy with excitement. Expressing her creativity felt authentic but scary. She dared to imagine being famous. She dared to imagine herself happily married with a family. She dared to imagine having it all. Read the rest of this entry

By Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT, Family of Origin Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Lisa and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Family of origin psychotherapy (or “family of origin work” as it’s often referred to) is rooted in how the past negatively impacts the present – and the future. The idea is that sometimes people get stuck in old, unhelpful belief systems coming from long ago during a time when this thinking made sense considering the circumstances the child was in. The goal is not to stay focused on the past and get “stuck” there – but to eventually move forward operating through the lens of more helpful belief systems.

Often people aren’t initially aware that their emotional and psychological problems might be at least partially rooted in the past. In fact, many people dismiss the benefit of covering that territory due to the assumption that, “The past is the past and there’s nothing I can do about it, so what’s the point?” On the surface, this makes good sense. Though it’s true that “the past is the past and there’s nothing I can do about” what’s transpired, there is something you can do about the belief systems you might have adopted as a result of what’s happened. Read the rest of this entry

By Kalila Borghini, LCSW and Ordained Yoruba Priest, Spirituality Topic Expert Contributor

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What better place to begin my tenure as a Topic Expert on Spirituality than with the Ancestors. By “ancestors” I mean those in our bloodline who have passed on. And so I open this article with the Yoruba saying “maferefun egun” which means “I give praise to the Ancestors.” Indeed, none of us would be here without them. And whether we know much about them or even liked most of those that we did know is less important than our acknowledgement of their role in our lives. Read the rest of this entry

By Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Click here to contact Lisa and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

My psychotherapy practice has always revolved around family of origin work in some way – and I’m very passionate about the work itself. Watching people make deep, fundamental shifts in how they view themselves and the world is powerful to observe – and potentially life changing for them.

So what is family of origin work?

I define “family of origin work” as the exploration of a person’s experiences with parents and/or primary caregivers to uncover unhelpful belief systems (core beliefs) negatively impacting their adult functioning. Read the rest of this entry