Category: Family of Origin Issues
The Good Therapy Blog
February 6th, 2012 |
Being considered a “perfect child” by one’s parents feels fantastic. Basking in the glow from parents’ approval and love can feel safe and special, like one is living in a magical world where everyone is happy and satisfied. These feelings are very seductive. The child is usually not aware that they pay a price in order to maintain the parents’ continued extraordinary approval. That price is the giving up of one’s unique sense of self in order to comply and be the child and then the adult that the parents adore. Being kept on a pedestal distracts from being aware that one has wants... Read More
February 1st, 2012 |
Not long ago, a friend of mine suggested that the greatest fear humans experience is the fear of death. I disagreed, saying that I believed their greatest fear is fear of loss. Death is something that is very abstract to most people, in my opinion, unless they have recently tended to a dying loved one or been otherwise exposed to the actual end of life. However, most people, in my experience, live in fear of loss, to a greater or lesser degree.
Loss can take many forms. It can mean loss of youth (or even middle age for those of us who are now elders). That translates into less energy, more facial... Read More
January 27th, 2012 |
After having worked in a residential treatment facility for abused and neglected girls for 8 years, I observed that the phenomenon of learned helplessness had become an all-to-common denominator for these children. It was very rare that an abused child was placed with us for a single incident of abuse. By the time these children reached our facility, many of them had already been physically or sexually abused numerous times throughout their childhood and adolescence.
Many times these children had been abused not by a single perpetrator but by several different people, including members of their... Read More
January 24th, 2012 |
Now that you understand how codependency develops in a family surrounding a dysfunctional person, what are you supposed to do next? Many clients have said, “Joyce, now that I understand where my fear of abandonment comes from, how do I stop being so scared of it that I mess up my relationships?” You can learn to do this, but it certainly isn’t easy. As you go through this workbook, you may feel uneasy when you try on new behaviors. It’s okay. Try to give yourself permission to be awkward. You don’t have to do everything perfectly.
Ideally, you have a therapist available to you or,... Read More
December 21st, 2011 |
Empathy is an emotion that is directly related to the bonds that were formed in childhood. “Children from secure and loving backgrounds develop enhanced motivation and competencies for empathy and compassion for self and others, in comparison with children from insecure backgrounds,” said Helen Rockliff of the Henry Wellcome Laboratories for Integrative Neuroscience and Endocrinology at the University of Bristol in the UK, and lead... Read More
© Copyright 2011 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Los Angeles Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
December 8th, 2011 |
The number of children born through surrogacy has increased dramatically in the past several decades, up from 2,000 just fifteen years ago to over 17,000 in 2007. Susan Golombok of the Centre for Family Research, Faculty of Politics, Psychology, Sociology and International Studies at the University of Cambridge, has conducted prior research on surrogacy and preschool-aged children, but recently led a new phase of the study examining the effects of surrogacy on older children. “There are two types of surrogacy: traditional surrogacy,... Read More
© Copyright 2011 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Longwood Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
November 30th, 2011 |
Evaluating and assessing someone’s need for care is a critical component of acting as an effective and objective caregiver. However, according to a new study led by S. Jeffrey Bailey of the Department of Psychology at the University of New Brunswick Saint John in Canada, the attachment style of a caregiver can influence how they respond to a patient’s needs. “The Social Communication Model of Pain raised the possibility that characteristics of those observing pain may also influence evaluations of individuals experiencing... Read More
© Copyright 2011 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Mountain View Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
November 28th, 2011 |
In the last several decades, more than 3 million children have been born with the help of an anonymous donor or gamete donation. These children are often raised by two parents, with whom only one of which they are biologically connected. “Those who become parents through assisted reproductive procedures involving gamete donation tend not to tell their children about their donor conception; thus, the majority of children conceived in this way remain unaware that the person they know as their father (in the case of sperm donation) or their mother (in the case of egg donation) is not their genetic... Read More
© Copyright 2011 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Pleasant Hill Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
August 16th, 2011 |
There are many treatment options designed to help alleviate symptoms of trauma in children, but very few focus on rebuilding the important relationship between traumatized children and their caregivers. “Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), originally developed for families of children with disruptive behavior disorders, has shown potential to fill this gap... Read More
© Copyright 2011 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Hollywood Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
July 29th, 2011 |
If hope is the thing with feathers, as Emily Dickenson said, then trust floats on gossamer wings.
Most people lose that child-like trust with the end of a first love, but not all. I have known a handful of souls who maintained it until death, or appeared to, but it's certainly not the norm. Life intrudes on the fantasy that someone will be an all-loving, supportive parent. Paradoxically, if you had toxic parents, it's even harder to relinquish this desire as yearning for a kinder, gentler... Read More
July 22nd, 2011 |
Rarely does a client call for an appointment and say that they want help with their codependency. One of the many issues that bring clients to therapy for codependency is relationship troubles. Sometimes a client will call with a broken heart and feel that they should have recovered from it by now. Other times there are problems with jealousy and trust issues. A client may call re: difficulty communicating with their spouse which often means the inability... Read More
July 19th, 2011 |
Even when it is unintended, some people find it intolerable to hurt someone they love. To experience hurting the other can create shame, guilt and strong “I am a bad person” feelings. As a result, we may avoid saying what is on our mind and put aside our own feelings and needs. This inhibiting of the self can be harmful to our relationships and can create the conditions for developing anxiety and depression.
Marlene, a 27... Read More
June 13th, 2011 |
The far enemy of sympathetic joy is envy, and the near enemy is comparing.”
-From Devotion: A Memoir, by Dani Shapiro, page 199
How many of us go through our days comparing ourselves to others- who’s smarter, prettier, richer, taller, shorter, older, younger, etc. I don’t know about you, but I often catch myself telling myself that I’m doing it better, or worse, than somebody else. Whatever “it” is.
That was part of Ella’s problem. Ella worried; she felt guilty and anxious-... Read More
June 6th, 2011 |
In my practice I often meet clients experiencing crisis, whether midlife, spiritual or existential, and sometimes it’s a combination of all of these. Laurinda (not her real name) was such a person. Laurinda came to see me once she was on the verge of complete emotional and physical collapse. The immediate trigger of the breakdown had been the fact that she had missed an important meeting at which she was to have given a presentation to a professional group, but after hearing a bit more of... Read More
