Category: Emotional Intelligence
The Good Therapy Blog
October 18th, 2010 |
Last month we looked at why it’s important to let ourselves “wallow” in our feelings; it helps us know ourselves better and get over difficult patches faster. It also helps us to reintegrate the parts of us that had to be cut off in order not to hurt so much. Once we’re whole, we can enjoy the self-esteem that comes from knowing and respecting ourselves.
As a therapist, I often hear variations on the following from clients: “I’m sick to death of wallowing in my feelings. How do I let this go and move forward?”
Have you ever had a similar thought? Has it ever seemed to you that... Read More
October 15th, 2010 |
Have you ever been in a relationship that challenged your assumptions and beliefs about yourself and the world around you? If so, then you know how powerful and life changing some relationships can be. Imagine then, forming a relationship with a professional who is trained to develop relationships that encourage self-exploration, insight and positive change. Carl Rogers, founder of Person Centered Psychotherapy, outlined three essential ingredients of a just such a successful therapeutic relationship– unconditional positive regard, genuineness and empathy.
Therapy can be a difficult,... Read More
October 6th, 2010 |
Is it absurd to think of a two person relationship as consisting of three parts? A couple is clearly just two. A marriage is just two and so is a partnership. So why would someone suggest you to consider the relationship in three parts?
As a couple’s specialist I believe, and I help my clients see, that both people must stand firmly alone and in the relationship at the same time; so in two places at once. To bloom a truly happy partnership with lasting strength, like a three legged table, each pillar must be strong; you, your partner and the relationship. Each piece is an integral part... Read More
September 22nd, 2010 |
In what ways does tone of voice matter?
Tone of voice conveys whether you feel positive or negative about something, and how intense that feeling is.
Positivity in tone of voice, actions such as hugs and smiles, and in words, makes communication flow more smoothly and affection grow more amply. Positivity enables partners to feel more relaxed with each other, which also helps them to feel flexible and eager to be responsive to each other’s concerns.
Successful couples convey lots of positivity. They often use phrases like I agree that…, What a good idea!. … I like that you …..... Read More
September 22nd, 2010 |
If you have an adolescent, somewhere between 11 years old and 16, listen up!
Our children are amazing and smart and funny and rude and mean and delightful and deceptive and disrespectful and loving and caring and selfish…what I mean to say is that they are full of contradictions. One moment they are fine and cooperative, then the next they are angry and hurtful and they may even hate us. Are you with me? Excellent, I see some of you nodding and smiling. Stay with me for a few minutes, I have a strategy to share with you I think you’ll find helpful. Read More
September 20th, 2010 |
So let's say you come home from work and it was an ok day. Perhaps you have been feeling stress (a lot of work needing to be done, even though you are managing it, or family stress, the start of another school year, etc.). Ever noticed being at home and then finding yourself irritable with those around you? Maybe you find yourself reacting to what a calmer you would think, "This is not such a big deal. Why am I so upset?" This happens to me too.
When I am at my best, I will then apologize and ask for a little time to myself. Backing out of the moment gives me time to reflect on what the heck... Read More
September 15th, 2010 |
What do you do when you feel bad? Do you clean the house? Take a walk? Eat an entire bag or box of something sweet or salty?
Whatever you do, does it work? Do the bad feelings go away? If so, do they stay away for good?
Your feelings – good, bad, or ugly – represent your reactions to experiences. When you disown feelings, you disown yourself. This hurts self-esteem.
Let’s take a look at why this is. Read More
September 9th, 2010 |
“It feels heavy right here,” Rebecca* said, crying and touching her chest, “like a huge rock is sitting on me. It’s like that old cartoon, where a boulder would fall off a cliff and pin the roadrunner to the ground – it feels like I can’t move.” Rebecca had come to see me last year, a 32 year-old successful marketing professional, whose older sister had recently been diagnosed with a psychotic condition. She seemed lost in grief. Fluctuating bewilderment, sadness, fear, anger, tenderness, and love were tying knots in every part of her.
I thought that untying some of the knots in... Read More
August 30th, 2010 |
This phrase is relevant to so many situations in life: work that we’re not that happy with at the moment but that pays the bills, a relationship that used to be great and now not so much. In more subtle ways this feeling of ambivalence can apply to how we feel about our children (“I love you but I really need a break from you right now”), friendships and even therapy.
Ambivalence is a really tough feeling – always changing, arguments pro and con – and all this can make it difficult to know what to do next. Most often, people go with the side of ambivalence they’re feeling in... Read More
August 12th, 2010 |
A GoodTherapy.org News Summary
A new study conducted by the University of British Columbia looks at the characteristics and behavioral patterns of female perpetrators of domestic violence. Most studies of people who become abusive have looked predominantly, if not exclusively, at males. But a substantial number of women are harmful to those around them. According to the study, which was published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, female batterers fall into the same three common categories that male batterers do. Some are violent and... Read More
© Copyright 2010 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Tigard Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
July 2nd, 2010 |
Part of why emotions such as strong desire and deep dread are so hard to control is because our brain processes these emotions differently than it does more mild feelings. This finding comes from a new study led by psychologists from the University of Michigan and published in the researcher journal “PloS One.” Extremely powerful emotions, such as cravings on one end and fear on the other, trigger different, deeper parts of the brain than most other, milder emotions do. Because of this, it’s hard for us to control these strong emotions;... Read More
© Copyright 2010 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Centennial Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
April 29th, 2010 |
The first in a series of articles dedicated to understanding, appreciating, and coping with our anger.
"Sticks and Stones." I am sure most of you have heard this saying and think you know the ending. It is said to go "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." I think our parents taught us this, thinking it would help us ward off teasing by others. Unfortunately, this misguided saying is far from true. You see, in reality, sticks and stones may break my bones but WORDS CAN DO SERIOUS DAMAGE. Broken bones heal and yet harmful words may stick with and haunt us.
Many... Read More
April 14th, 2010 |
Journaling is a wonderful way to explore, embrace and accept your inner world. However, colors and pictures further enhance your understanding of the deep, mysterious world that abides within.
Most of us use black ink when we are writing in a journal. But colors matter. They reveal so much more about the nonverbal part of us. Whether you write your words with a thick red marker or a light blue pencil highlights the message you are receiving from your soul and vice versa.
Keep markers, coloring pencils, crayons or paint and several blank sheets of paper by you as you start journaling using... Read More
April 13th, 2010 |
Experiencing emotion is a normal part of healthy development. But for those who were traumatized as children, they may have learned to ‘numb out’ so as to protect themselves from their painful emotions. Although working through past abuse issues in therapy are scary, and often cause unpleasant emotions to resurface, it’s worth the effort. Doing so allows you to continue in your emotional growth which had been stunted by the trauma – allowing you to then make growth in all areas of your life. Feelings, or the lack thereof, can allow you to either grow, or to stay where you are – no... Read More
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