Category: Divorce / Divorce Adjustment
The Good Therapy Blog
August 15th, 2011 |
You’ve been divorced for three years and have been working at moving on in your life, establishing new relationships and feeling so much better about yourself than you have in a very long time. You are grateful for your friends and family and the support they have given you.
You have met someone through a good friend who you enjoy spending time with. You both seem to have had similar experiences in ending a marriage with children to coparent.... Read More
July 8th, 2011 |
Many of you may remember the role of the Greek Chorus in literature classes from high school or college. They appeared in the works of Sophocles, Aeschylus, Euripidies and Aristophanes, to name just a few. Their role was to explain what they thought was going on and would intentionally or unintentionally “stir the pot”. In modern times, it is often our friends and families who comprise our own personal Greek Choruses as they work so lovingly to protect us from what we have not yet experienced and to help us along in life. Consider the following scenario:
Bob and Cynthia are getting divorced.... Read More
June 20th, 2011 |
My husband was surprised the first time he got a Father’s Day card from our kids. Not having any kids of his own, his assumed role of step-father was one he was utterly unfamiliar with. He had been raised by his mother and has never known his father. Perhaps that is why that the whole concept of celebrating Father’s Day was foreign to him. When he first saw the cards lying on the table, he did not realize they were for him. After a few moments,... Read More
June 3rd, 2011 |
On a fairly regular basis I am asked by a parent how old their child must be before they can choose which parent they want to live with. Many parents tell me their child will be 12 years old, 13 years old, 14 years old soon and will be able to make their own decisions. They appear to be uniformly surprised to learn that a minor child does not have the legal right to decide which parent to live with.
Depending on the jurisdiction in which you live, the age of... Read More
May 4th, 2011 |
You’ve been together now for about 14 years. For the past 4-5 years, you’ve wondered if you can stay together any longer. You’re interests have changed, you don’t enjoy doing things together as much. You find you are impatient and want to have the closeness, with someone, you used to have with each other. Your time is spent running from home to soccer games to business meetings to doctor appointments. There is little time left over to spend together and mostly you just don’t want to anymore. Too much work to bridge the gap that has been created. Your 12 year old daughter and 9 year old... Read More
April 7th, 2011 |
You thought that getting divorced was going to make parenting easier. You thought your communications were going to improve because you weren’t living together anymore. You had high hopes that things would settle down and all the hurt, disappointments and anger would melt into the background. If you could just make decisions on your own without having to argue about everything you think is right and your ex thinks is wrong, you could have a much happier life. Instead, you find yourself feeling frustrated that the same communication problems you had in the marriage are still there, you still disagree... Read More
March 3rd, 2011 |
It is difficult enough that you are experiencing a major upheaval in your life. In addition to the feelings you may have of fear, anxiety, anger, or frustration, you also have children. Their lives are changing as well. You hope they haven’t been affected too much by the tension between you and your soon-to-be ex, but you don’t know for sure. What is the best way to tell them? The following is a list of some of the ideas you might want to consider:
1. If it is at all possible to do so, tell your children together. The strongest message you want your children to have is that while your relationship... Read More
February 4th, 2011 |
Will your relationship last a lifetime? Will you and your partner enjoy each other’s company and have a deep and intimate connection, emotionally and sexually for as long as you both shall live?
That is what we promise when we say, “I do.” Yet the divorce rate hovers around 50% and it’s estimated that 60% of men and 40% of women will have an affair during the lifetime of their marriage. It certainly doesn’t appear that an overwhelming percentage of married couples are in matrimonial bliss.
What does it take to create a relationship of “like, love and lust” that will last till... Read More
February 2nd, 2011 |
Most divorcing parents believe their children are being protected from the details of their divorce. They make sure they speak quietly into the phone when discussing them with family and friends. They don’t leave court papers or their financial documents around. They only work on them when the children are with the other parent.
Should the children start showing signs of having information that you are positive you did not expose them to, your first thought might be that the other parent is the one who is being indiscreet and involving the children in the intricacies of this often overwhelming... Read More
January 10th, 2011 |
Has my entire marriage been a lie? Am I to blame? Is there any hope for my marriage? Is divorce my best option? These are just a few of the questions that will run through your mind after discovering your partner’s sexual betrayal. You will experience a roller coaster of emotions.
You want to first encourage that the betrayer spouse is taking care of himself or herself while seeking support. Next, don’t make any permanent or rash decisions while the feelings are raw and fresh. Finally, realize that divorce does not have to be the answer if both individuals in the relationship will be... Read More
January 7th, 2011 |
As parents move into co-parenting after divorce, one of the many questions that arise is who will care for the children when the parent with whom they are scheduled to be cared for has to be somewhere else (a business trip, a doctor’s appointment, etc.) The right of first refusal means that the other parent will be the first person on the list to contact to see if they are available to watch the children. The intention is to maximize the time the children have with their parents rather than other caretakers. This can be whether it is on short notice or with advance planning.
With many... Read More
November 8th, 2010 |
Oh no – another couple you know is getting a divorce. Do you think it’s contagious? Are you worried that break-ups are like a virus you could catch?
It’s true - if you already have some little doubts inside you, someone else’s break-up could wake them up. And who doesn’t have doubts? After the romance fades, it’s natural to have some dissatisfaction brewing somewhere inside you. Don’t worry – there is an antidote. In fact, your doubts can be an opportunity for you to keep your own marriage choice alive and vital. Over time, your original clear, committed choice to be with your... Read More
November 3rd, 2010 |
People who have been in long marriages or relationships get to know each other rather well. They can often anticipate what the other person might say or do or think or want......you get the picture. In loving relationships, partners might sometimes have a reliance on each other to know what each other wants without having to tell or explain....and sometimes they can and do just that. It might help them to feel loved, recognized and appreciated. The “knowing” of the other person is experienced through a positive filter.
In a divorce, this feeling of knowing may get you into trouble. At a... Read More
October 22nd, 2010 |
In therapy, one of the most frequent questions I am asked is “How do you know when it’s really over? When is it time to give up?”
That’s a good question, one with many different perspectives. In today’s society, it seems to be easier to quit and move on with a new love than to try and work it out with the old. And why not? New love is exciting, passionate and all encompassing. In looking at the idea of a new relationship to replace the old, we are continually flooded with media that gives us guarantees and promises of relief from old wounds. Dating sites are abundant, so that... Read More
