Staying Your Own Person while Home for the Holidays
For adult children, going home for the holidays may be problematic. While it can be wonderful to see parents, siblings, and extended family, it can also be an occasion that brings up old, unresolved conflicts. One of the most typical unresolved conflicts is related to separation and individuation: while growing up at home, some children found it difficult to develop and assert their unique individual selves in the face of parents who (though usually well-intentioned) were controlling, critical, and/or hurt by their children’s differences from themselves.
When children leave home and are no... Read More
I don’t know anyone who is not feeling greater stress during this time of year. Even terrific moments with people we love can cause us stress, and that’s if family and extended family are individuals we WANT to see. It’s even more stressful if we are acting out of obligation.
Whatever your circumstances, it’s likely there will be at least a few people who drive us up a wall and cause us enormous stress. Welcome to the holidays. Not to mention the numerous details: buying gifts, decorating, baking, cooking sending cards, and trying to be a loving person on top of all that.
I’m... 
“Joanne” is 54 and has just been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. She finds this impossible to believe. She has only had a little back pain for a couple of months and figures she must have pulled a muscle in her aerobics class. Now, her oncologist is telling her she has a large tumor and metastases in her liver. He keeps talking but she doesn’t hear a thing he says. Something about chemo? Radiation? She’s too stunned to ask him any questions. She tunes back in just as he’s saying something about the cancer not being curable and her probably having less than a year to live.... 
I knew a couple whose divorce cluttered up the Broward County Courthouse for 10 years. That was before I went back to grad school for my doctorate but I kept thinking, “Surely something could have been done to release this couple from each other’s clutches.” There was. One party escaped the country and I never heard the rest of the story.
It shouldn’t have to go like that, but it often seems to. Couples who are sick of looking each other in the face tenaciously cling to each other in court. Does that really make sense? Think about it: The person you want to have the least to do with... 
Many couples I work with come in with a large amount of stress and difficulty. The causes vary, but the behaviors people use to respond to the upset are often predictable. People who start out loving each other sometimes find themselves so burdened by stress and difficulty that they end up feeling frustrated in the relationship.
No one starts out being frustrated. Frustration comes after being unhappy, sometimes for a long time. Often, couples with the best intentions end up not being able to explain themselves to each other, or they won’t say what they really want to say, and as a result... 
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Shyness is a behavior that can cause problems for children and adults. But adolescents, who experience elevated emotional turmoil, are more vulnerable to the symptoms of extreme shyness. “Although they might be easy to overlook, they probably experience much private unhappiness, as adolescent shy behavior is linked to loneliness, having fewer friends, and other internalizing problems such as 
“...there's nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood.
And understanding someone else.”
― Brad Meltzer
Did you ever know a couple who never argued or disagreed, who were the envy of other couples in your circle of friends, who appeared to be the perfect pair (or so you thought)? Then, the next thing you knew, they were getting divorced.
You might be surprised by this but we’re not. Often people think that the most stable relationships are the ones that appear the most peaceful, most agreeable, the least cantankerous; that is not necessarily the truth.
The deepest... 
The loss of a child before it is born naturally stirs intense and conflicting emotions. Women might feel an intense physical bonding and grief for a being with whom they have already grown attached. Whereas men might feel more ephemerally connected and cheated from the opportunity to begin their bond. When miscarriage affects couples, it may stimulate growth or, conversely, unearth an inability to support each other through troubling times. The confusion surrounding one's own feelings as well as how to be of real support to one's partner after the loss tends to disrupt the balance of our relationships.... 
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Texting is one of the most popular forms of communication among 
Sometimes couples may feel they’re on the same money trail until an unforeseen event occurs. Whether it’s a sudden increase in expenses brought about by illness, childbirth, or damage to your car or home, you may abruptly discover that the two of you are miles apart. Maybe you’ve never before had your expenses outpace your income and you suddenly realize that one of you is all too ready to borrow at a high interest rate while the other one would rather scrimp and change your lifestyle. In such a scenario, it may feel like you are headed in opposite directions.
Even when you’re both on... 
I have been in practice long enough to see many couples and families develop over the past thirty years. While there are countless stories over a full range of topics, one that greatly interests me involves divorce.
Many couples and individuals have come to counseling after divorcing 15, 20, or 25 years earlier. Most are quite happy in their current lives and marriages. Many, however, have looked back on their previous marriage with one very powerful observation: Their original divorce did not need to happen!
What an astounding realization! Not only was I impressed by their honesty, but... 
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this from couples during a session. Something big happens between them (for instance, one person cheated on the other), and the offending party apologizes; however, the difficulty continues, and the person who said they were sorry wonders why that is. The person who got hurt wants to feel better. The person who has apologized becomes exasperated because he or she feels they have done everything they can. “I said I was sorry. What else do you want from me?”
Unfortunately, this is frustrating for both people. Each person wants to feel better,... 
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“Play is an essential activity of early childhood as it contributes to the cognitive, social, emotional, and motivational development of children,” said Kristin Valentino of the Department of Psychology and Center for Children & Families at the University of Notre Dame and lead author of a new study. “During the first few years of life, parents have a critical role in influencing children's play and developing social and communicative behaviors.” Previous studies have shown that children who are maltreated have significantly lower levels of social, creative and cognitive play by... 
