Category: Communication Problems
The Good Therapy Blog
September 22nd, 2010 |
In what ways does tone of voice matter?
Tone of voice conveys whether you feel positive or negative about something, and how intense that feeling is.
Positivity in tone of voice, actions such as hugs and smiles, and in words, makes communication flow more smoothly and affection grow more amply. Positivity enables partners to feel more relaxed with each other, which also helps them to feel flexible and eager to be responsive to each other’s concerns.
Successful couples convey lots of positivity. They often use phrases like I agree that…, What a good idea!. … I like that you …..... Read More
September 22nd, 2010 |
Indirect communication means hinting or acting out. For instance, if you feel disappointed, “Hmmm” would be hinting. Stewing and pouting would be acting out what you feel instead of saying it.
One difficulty with indirect communications is that the data it gives is insufficient, not enough information for the spouse to be able to fix the problem and prevent it from happening again. With indirect communication, whatever was a problem today is likely to be a problem tomorrow, the next week and still in five years. Read More
September 22nd, 2010 |
If you have an adolescent, somewhere between 11 years old and 16, listen up!
Our children are amazing and smart and funny and rude and mean and delightful and deceptive and disrespectful and loving and caring and selfish…what I mean to say is that they are full of contradictions. One moment they are fine and cooperative, then the next they are angry and hurtful and they may even hate us. Are you with me? Excellent, I see some of you nodding and smiling. Stay with me for a few minutes, I have a strategy to share with you I think you’ll find helpful. Read More
September 22nd, 2010 |
It’s not uncommon for a parent to bring a child to therapy and say, “Fix it!” Of course, they don’t typically say “it”; rather, they say, “Fix Larry!” I can imagine my mother taking me to a therapist when I was in my teens because I needed (as we say down South) “fixin.” At these moments I intentionally look at the adolescent or child to see their reaction. Sadly, most of them display no reactions at all – they hear this statement on a regular basis.
What is a therapist to do? Sure, I could work on “fixin” the child/adolescent but then they’re going to return home... Read More
September 20th, 2010 |
So let's say you come home from work and it was an ok day. Perhaps you have been feeling stress (a lot of work needing to be done, even though you are managing it, or family stress, the start of another school year, etc.). Ever noticed being at home and then finding yourself irritable with those around you? Maybe you find yourself reacting to what a calmer you would think, "This is not such a big deal. Why am I so upset?" This happens to me too.
When I am at my best, I will then apologize and ask for a little time to myself. Backing out of the moment gives me time to reflect on what the heck... Read More
September 9th, 2010 |
Where Does this Behavior Come From?
Cutting is the physical expression of hidden mental pain. Oftentimes, children start cutting when their mental pain reaches a level that they can no longer deal with. While some children may find positive ways of coping with such pain, others seek negative coping methods including self-harm or drug use. Mental pain can be the result of built-up stress, past traumatic events, hurt feelings, rejection by peers, or abandonment by significant others and other life stressors.
Is My Child Just Trying to Get Attention?
There is an easy way to tell if your child... Read More
September 8th, 2010 |
Individuation is the process by which we become our unique selves in the world. Part of being an individual, of being uniquely who we are, is knowing what we want and need. If we are not comfortable with wanting and needing from others, we could be limiting our lives and our relationships. What we want and need are not just material things. As humans, we have needs for emotional connection, recognition, warmth, empathy, appreciation, love, friendship. Sometimes we are lucky that our needs and wants are met without our having to ask another person for what we want. But, if we have to ask and don’t... Read More
September 7th, 2010 |
Most of us are aware that communication and trust are key ingredients in any relationship, yet these pivotal ingredients are often negatively impacted by the vestiges of a traumatic experience.
Someone who has survived a traumatic event often struggles both with expressing her/himself and also with listening in an active manner. Active listening requires a certain amount of concentration as well as the absence of hypervigilance. However, post-trauma most people’s concentration level is below their pre-trauma baseline and their level of hypervigilance is higher than their pre-trauma baseline.... Read More
September 3rd, 2010 |
Slow down and listen.
When we communicate, sometimes we ignore what our partner is saying. Instead of focusing on our partner, our thoughts are consumed with what we plan to say next. If you pay attention to your partner's words, and then you reflect back what you hear them say or feel, then they will feel heard. As a result, you will be on the road to a resolution of the issue. Does someone in your life, maybe yourself, constantly repeat a message over and over? It is probably because said person does not feel heard.
Try reflective listening and see if you can stop that person from repeating.... Read More
September 1st, 2010 |
This post should really be titled “The Dirty Little Secret of Parenting that is Neither Dirty, nor Little, nor a Secret.” Because what I’m about to say is totally obvious and yet is often overlooked as a vital part of understanding children’s behavior.
When we talk about parenting we often talk about the child: what they're doing, what they’re saying, what they’ve experienced, what they might be feeling… This is helpful and important, but only gives us one piece of the pie. Over and over again, I’ve seen that when we also take into consideration what’s happening for the... Read More
August 24th, 2010 |
All kids lie. They start young, look innocent into your eyes and tell you the answers that you want to hear. Then it’s like a shock as a parent that their child told a lie! How does that happen?
Kids lie because they know instinctively that if they do something wrong, they will see a disapproving look on their parents’ face. They don’t like that. Parents don’t like it when they kids lie.
How do kids lie? Well, instinctively all kids know how to get a reaction from their parents. All kids, and everyone else, would rather receive praise than disappointment. I am going to assume that... Read More
August 23rd, 2010 |
Most of us utilize three modes of relating to others: assertiveness, submissiveness and aggression. I will begin by defining them. Aggressive behavior is an expression of feelings, needs and ideas in a way that goes against the other person. It is a “move against” or “move with the intent to hurt”. Submissive mode basically is a way of communicating where there is a demonstration of lack of respect for ones own needs and rights. This can be done in various ways. Most submissive people do not express needs or do it in an apologetic and diffident manner so that it is often ignored and not... Read More
August 19th, 2010 |
Cooperative Dialogue Skills--let's unpack those words...
Cooperative means the tone stays positive, often because, like in a game of catch, both parties have skills for tossing and of catching. The smooth sharing of information back and forth is like throwing and catching without dropping any information.
Cooperative also means that partners are interacting as friends. They feel and act like they are on the same team, not playing against each other. Read More
August 12th, 2010 |
As noted last month, cancer treatments can have a significant effect on a person’s sexuality and desire to be intimate. Common side effects of chemotherapy include nausea, which may be worsened by sexual activity, and fatigue, which may persist for months after treatment is finished. Hair loss is another common side effect of chemotherapy, and it can be particularly distressing to women. One woman described feeling like “an old man” because of her mastectomy and baldness.
Chemotherapy also has some gender specific side effects. Depending on a woman’s age, it may cause a profound... Read More
Page 12 of 14« First«...1011121314»
