By Jeffrey S. Gallup, MA, LPC, Child & Adolescent Issues Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Jeffrey and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

Communication is the lynchpin of relationships, including the relationship between our children and ourselves. If your child has been caught lying, it can be difficult not to react harshly as a parent. Lying causes most parents to worry “will my child always be a liar,” “was the truth so bad that he had to lie?” and other negative thoughts and feelings. As parents, we want open honest communication with our children. One lie that goes uncaught often turns into more lying. There are ways to stop a pattern of lying. Foremost why do children and teens lie to their parents and other adults? Read the rest of this entry

By Beth S. Pumerantz, MA, MS, LMFT, Communication Problems Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Beth and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Kids start learning how to communicate with their world from the moment they are born. They are programmed to vocalize and use their bodies in ways that are communicating their needs. Their cries, squeaks, squeals, screams, and even their giggles tell us what they need, along with the squirming and flailing of their tiny bodies. It is our job as Parents to interpret the meaning of these sounds and gestures, and then to respond effectively in a nurturing and soothing manner. We teach our children about the world around them every time we meet or don’t meet their needs; by what we say and do, or don’t say or do.

These same children grow up to be teenagers! You may even have one or more of these adolescent people in your life. These teens have had plenty of time watching us both communicating effectively and not; and now they venture out whole-heartedly to navigate their world; and it all starts at home. Effective families start with effective Parenting; effective Parents use effective communication! Read the rest of this entry

By Barbi Pecenco Kolski, MA

Whenever we tell someone what they should or should not do, we might as well expect the other person to get defensive and feel resentful. Think about the last time someone told you what should do. You probably didn’t take it too well either. We heard all about what we should or shouldn’t have been doing as kids by our parents. The last thing we want is to hear that as adults from our partners.

Some examples of “shoulding” I’ve heard from clients recently include:

“She should let me go out with my friends more often without freaking out about it.”

“She shouldn’t get so angry and threaten to break up with me all the time during our fights.” Read the rest of this entry

By Tina Gilbertson, MA, Self-Esteem Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Tina and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Does healthy self-esteem help with being assertive? You bet it does! To understand the reason for this, we need to know what we mean when we talk about being assertive.

For the purposes of this article, let’s define being assertive as communicating directly and openly about your thoughts, feelings and needs, without resorting to aggression or manipulation. For example, an assertive way to ask someone to open a window is to say, “Would you please open the window?” This is different from “Are you warm?” (indirect, manipulative) or “Open the window! What’s wrong with you, can’t you tell it’s boiling in here?” (aggressive). A third choice, which we’ll call passive, would be to just suffer in silence until it occurs to someone else to open the window. Read the rest of this entry

By Beth S. Pumerantz, MA, MS, LMFT, Communication Problems Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Beth and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Relationships are so precious to us and help us form a sense of who we are. Love and respect are the foundations for healthy relationships. Even though we may have differing viewpoints, relationships can be happy and wonderful and fulfilling if we can feel nurtured, understood, and appreciated. Well-known psychotherapist, Virginia Satir, explained that, “Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible–the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”

Sometimes relationships can be frustrating and confusing, especially when we think we are communicating well with our partner, only to find out that we are misunderstood. Our feelings get bent out of shape. Instant conflict. It’s possible to improve our relationships by learning and using more effective communication strategies to build a stronger and happier relationship with our partners securing a sense of love and respect. Read the rest of this entry