Category: Attachment
The Good Therapy Blog
May 5th, 2011 |
When it comes to my experience, perception is always more powerful than reality. Everything that I am is influenced by that which I perceive to be true, whether it is actually true or merely imagined. As a therapist, I have a responsibility to notice and, at times, even confront perception. I would do well to proceed respectfully, empathically, and without unnecessary provocation. At times, those real or imagined perceptions that infuse every marriage and family that I sit with act as that great big pink elephant in the room—standing between spouses and parents and children—that, unacknowledged,... Read More
April 1st, 2011 |
In our rapidly evolving technological society, many people fall victim to anxiety from over exposure to current traumatic events. Dr. Judith Orloff states that these people become addicted to the rush of the “fight or fight” response, and can quickly become obsessed. She states that this information overload, combined with immediate access to news via the internet and smart phones, causes individuals to develop a new form of attachment issues. Dr. Orloff insists that people must re-train their mental pathways to avoid falling... Read More
© Copyright 2011 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Mckinney Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
February 21st, 2011 |
I often hear the following from my new mom clients: “ No one told me how hard motherhood would be. Why didn't someone TELL me?” The tone is often indignant and occasionally angry. “What was I thinking?” might actually better capture many new mothers' (and fathers') sentiments in the days following childbirth. These thoughts are common for any woman who is transitioning to the role of motherhood for the first time.
I remember having those very same thoughts after my first son was born almost ten years ago. I could not believe how bone-achingly exhausting those first few months were with... Read More
February 3rd, 2011 |
My meditation class is exploring the six Paramitas, or perfections, the path of the Bodhisattva (one who vows to liberate all beings from suffering). It is simpler than it sounds. In truth, it is the path to happiness, and any one of us can follow it. In the months to come I will write posts about each of the Paramitas and explain how we can make use of them in our lives.
The first Paramita is Generosity. In class we’ve talked about where generosity comes from, what it feels like, and what impedes it. Turns out, we all know a lot about it. We know what generosity feels like – it feels lovely.... Read More
December 29th, 2010 |
I often hear parents describe their life as being on House Arrest. This may appear harsh initially, but completely understandable when parenting children with attachment issues and special needs. The experiences that a “typical” family may be able to participate in become luxuries. Time and space become overcome by screaming, tantrums and embarrassing behavior issues. More often than not, the family feels as though no one else can care for the child because of their extreme needs and... Read More
December 6th, 2010 |
During therapeutic play with children, therapists watch, listen, and interact during moments when a child may be giving voice to images, emotion, and story.
“Image” implies an object or person of attachment from the child’s past, “emotion” implies feelings from past relationships or that the child may be feeling presently and in their current relationships, and “story” implies the coming together of a narrative that all children accumulate pieces of over time.
As children work to make sense of their world, they often try on different ways to language meanings, experiences,... Read More
November 30th, 2010 |
So far this series has explored how the body-mind reacts to situations in early life where there is stress from external tension or inconsistent care. But what happens when care is forthcoming to the point where a growing child feels stifled? Let’s conjure up a scenario to explore this.
Imagine a child who is oohed and ahh-ed over. This is a good thing right? Right, but the saying “everything in moderation” has merit even here. When a baby is fondled and oohed and ahh-ed over, it is meant as encouragement and an exchange of joy- this is essential for healthy development. But for... Read More
September 9th, 2010 |
“It feels heavy right here,” Rebecca* said, crying and touching her chest, “like a huge rock is sitting on me. It’s like that old cartoon, where a boulder would fall off a cliff and pin the roadrunner to the ground – it feels like I can’t move.” Rebecca had come to see me last year, a 32 year-old successful marketing professional, whose older sister had recently been diagnosed with a psychotic condition. She seemed lost in grief. Fluctuating bewilderment, sadness, fear, anger, tenderness, and love were tying knots in every part of her.
I thought that untying some of the knots in... Read More
April 19th, 2010 |
A few days ago, I headed into the locker room at my gym after a workout. A TV set there was tuned to a morning talk show hosted by a couple of women, who were talking to their guest, a dietician, about yo-yo dieting. The hosts peppered their guest with questions, speaking so quickly it was giving me a headache. “What’s the best way to lose weight?” “What should you do if you want to lose weight really fast?” The poor dietician was attempting to explain the effects on the body of losing and re-gaining weight, the functions of ghrelin and leptin, hormones that are involved in appetite regulation,... Read More
March 22nd, 2010 |
There are a number of excellent books about attachment, parenting, and treatment. I will describe in this article two books I have written that both therapists and parents may find valuable. In future articles I will describe other helpful books for therapists and parents.
Attachment Parenting: Developing Connections and Healing Children, edited by Arthur Becker-Weidman & Deborah Shell (2010, NY: Jason Aronson), is written specifically for parents. Professionals will find the text useful as well. Professionals (therapists, child welfare workers,... Read More
December 3rd, 2009 |
In a previous article I described what attachment is and how it develops. The attachment system is a proximity seeking system that evolved to ensure the survival of the human infant. It operates like your home heating and cooling system. If everything is fine (safe) you don’t see the system operating. When things get out of bounds, the heating or cooling system starts to operate. When a person feels some threat, the attachment system becomes activated and attachment behaviors are evoked. Attachment behaviors are proximity seeking behaviors that draw the person closer to a preferred caregiver.... Read More
November 27th, 2009 |
Here is one easy parenting tool that will change your life. It will also change your child’s life – his or her entire life – for the better. It is called The 80-20 Rule.
The 80-20 Rule is a “magic” ratio. It is the ratio that lays the foundation for an excellent relationship between you and your child. It is the ratio that builds and maintains ALL of your parenting power. Simply put, this ratio is the ratio that creates a solid enough bond... Read More
November 13th, 2009 |
If you are one of the many out there who finds yourself in repetitive patterns of unhealthy relationships, perhaps you might benefit from identifying your attachment style – which not only could answer some fundamental questions for you around your relationship “triggers” but also provide clues as to why you attract certain types of people.
There is great deal of research out there on infant attachment (John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth to name a few) about how early interactions with caregivers set up “internal working models”... Read More
November 9th, 2009 |
In a previous article I described what attachment is and how it develops. As I described, the attachment system is a proximity seeking system that evolved to ensure the survival of the human infant. It operates like your home heating and cooling system. If everything is fine (safe) you don’t see the system operating. When things get out of bounds, the heating or cooling system starts to operate. When a person feels some threat, the attachment system becomes activated and attachment behaviors are evoked. Attachment behaviors are proximity seeking behaviors that draw the person closer to... Read More
