Heaven or Hell?
On mornings when I’m lucky enough to have free time, I go to a yoga class taught by an excellent teacher, named Mark. Many of his students have been studying yoga for years and are pretty advanced. Today we began as usual with warm ups, accompanied by Mark’s explanations and his questions. Mark’s teaching practice is a bit unusual—he generally asks the class questions, some rhetorical, some not, as he explains the theory behind the practice.
The man on the mat next to me, whom I’ll call Harry, answered all Mark’s questions right away, with military precision.
“Why do yoga?”
“To... Read More
Have you seen the movie? There are a lot of parenting situations in it that we can relate to. The main one that I see is with Marlin and Nemo. Nemo has a short fin and his dad is very protective of him, which is natural. Nemo wants to show his dad what he can do in spite of his short fin, but this is a scary situation for Marlin (the dad), because he does not know how to protect Nemo.
Nemo is reacting in an age-appropriate way: He wants to show his dad what he can do; Dad won’t let him, and then Nemo does it anyway. Sound familiar? This pattern happens a lot and at different ages and stages... 
Lets face it, dating is tough. And it can be even tougher when the people on the date are two men. Why? Because men tend to be extremely visual in their sexual response mode, and when two men get together on a date it can quickly become a high-pressure perfection competition.
First dates are always a challenge to begin with, but when you add in the pressure of acting and appearing perfect it can take that stress and raise it to a whole new level. Suddenly, being yourself is not enough, and a cycle of self-doubt and questioning your value takes over the evening.
This is how the evening plays... 
The word bridezilla has become an oft-used part of our lexicon, and many people who have never been married are confused by the panic and stress that seems to surround wedding planning. But a newly engaged couple quickly learns that the stress of wedding planning is not the overexaggerated fantasy of people who simply have no stress tolerance. Wedding planning is stressful for almost everyone, and yet people never stop to think about why this is. Here’s what is really going on.
Expectations vs. Reality
A wedding is a major rite of passage, and many people—especially women—have been raised... 
This article is the second installment in a two-part series. To read the first article, please click 
Growing up with feelings that your peers don’t like you or don’t accept you into their group can have lifelong negative effects. While we have fortunately become more aware of the dangerous effects of bullying on children, we often do not pay enough attention to more subtle forms of bullying that affect the development of self-worth, self–esteem, and self-confidence. Many adults continue to think of themselves as if they were still the 12 or 13 year old who sat alone in the lunchroom, who was whispered about as fat, or who never was invited to parties. It takes work to change this negative... 
All of life, all of learning and growth, all of healing follows a spiral path, returning over and over to visit a place of pain or suffering in order to master the lessons held therein. Each revolution of the spiral brings us more experience and perspective and skill, so that our path is smoothed and we become increasingly resilient and expansive. This sounds good, but in practice it can be quite difficult.
Finding ourselves repeating old patterns we thought we had gotten rid of, dealing with the same difficult people repeatedly, or turning into a teenager again after spending 15 minutes with... 
Bad person feelings typically develop early in life. Although it may not be intended, children can get the message that it isn’t simply what they do or think or feel that is bad, but that they themselves are bad. When these feelings are communicated, verbally or nonverbally, children soon learn to avoid them by working very hard to please and not disappoint parents. They may try so hard to be good (i.e., to be the child the parent expects), that they have little room to develop their own unique selves.
The Experience of “I Am a Bad Person”
When parents yell at their children or verbally... 
Being considered a “perfect child” by one’s parents feels fantastic. Basking in the glow from parents’ approval and love can feel safe and special, like one is living in a magical world where everyone is happy and satisfied. These feelings are very seductive. The child is usually not aware that they pay a price in order to maintain the parents’ continued extraordinary approval. That price is the giving up of one’s unique sense of self in order to comply and be the child and then the adult that the parents adore. Being kept on a pedestal distracts from being aware that one has wants... 
In the process of developing our own voices (individuation), we develop a sense of self in relationship to the significant others in our lives. Growing up, parents, grandparents, siblings, and later, peers, act as mirrors and reflect back to us their ideas about who we are and what we are about. The more significant the relationship, the greater the impact on our ideas about who we are. When a significant other or others take up a lot of space in our heads and become a too-present audience to our decisions, behaviors, and thoughts, there is an interference in the process of individuation. The other... 
For adult children, going home for the holidays may be problematic. While it can be wonderful to see parents, siblings, and extended family, it can also be an occasion that brings up old, unresolved conflicts. One of the most typical unresolved conflicts is related to separation and individuation: while growing up at home, some children found it difficult to develop and assert their unique individual selves in the face of parents who (though usually well-intentioned) were controlling, critical, and/or hurt by their children’s differences from themselves.
When children leave home and are no... 
“Like father like son”; “Like mother, like daughter”. These sentiments are often expressed with great joy and pride. Parents are delighted and honored when their children seek to emulate them. Boys and girls will follow dad around with their own hammers or bake cookies like mom. As children grow older and think about their choices of “what they want to be when they grow up,” some choose to be in the same occupation as the parent.
When children opt for the same work roles as their parents, they may have the advantage of a role model who can show them the ropes, provide connections... 
The degree to which we have separated/individuated from our parents has consequences when parents become elderly and /or ailing and no longer feel like the all knowing and all powerful people that we experienced in our earlier relationships with them.
Typically, we look to parents for support and love. When we are children, parents are the source of our values and ideas of how to be in the world. In the process of normal development, we separate and individuate. While most of us integrate some of our parent’s “voice”, we also replace some of our parent’s ways with our own. In contrast,... 
At any stage of the life cycle we can have difficulties with our creativity. But especially during adolescence and into our early 30s, our struggles with creativity often collide with the normal developmental process of individuation, where we are developing our own voices and becoming our unique selves. During this time, we are emerging into the world, continually discovering and rediscovering who we are. We are finding our voices and developing a sense of how and what we can accomplish in the world. The ultimate task in this process is to become comfortable engaging the world with our full selves.... 
