A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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We are often thinking, for it is rare that we allow the mind to become silent. But, it is in the spaces in between our thoughts that seem to elude us. When our systems are in need of that grace, that time of “nothingness,” we just forget, or ignore, the need to allow for its arrival. And when we are so focused on doing and being present in the material world, we forget that the silence even exists.

Our attachment to our thoughts, our mind’s constant chatter, doesn’t allow us to sit in silence, to hear the part of us that knows what is in our highest interest. In contrast, when we are focused on that which serves our highest good, our highest intentions for ourselves, the presence of that silence is irrefutable. It is that internal voice that speaks to us of being present, calm, and still. It is that internal knowing that appears when we quiet the mind. Or, if the mind is not quiet, that we are able to identify underneath all of the noise.

The Soundtrack

Unfortunately, our thoughts are the very notes that create our internal noise. Our thoughts, depending on the day, become the “soundtrack” by which we chose to live the day, even our lives. We give our thoughts power. We buy into the idea that chaotic “songs,” in our heads are real. In fact, they are not. Just because we think it, does not make it real. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

I have, until now, chosen not to write about peoples’ present fears sounding money. I am making a conscious decision not to hook into the energy of fear surrounding it. Yet, over and over, ironically, it keeps coming up like a bad penny. Certainly, it isn’t the first time that I have had so many people processing their anxiety about money and all that it represents. But the resounding atmosphere of uncertainty is triggering in my clients, and maybe you, more than fears of money. The insecurity is triggering their older fears about survival. And exploring those childhood fears is the key to resolving it.

If we were to remember our first days in this world, the simplicity of it would amaze us. We see it in the children we raise, but we often forget that we, too, were once those little ones. We were once those tiny balls of energy, eager to make their presence known, to leap into their place in next generation.

As children our primary function in the world is to explore it, all the while anticipating that our loved ones, our parents, will provide us with food, clothing, shelter, and protection from harm. And while it may seem simple, for many, that assurance, that security never came. For many, and perhaps even you, childhood meant being unable to depend on others to give them a sense of safety. Fear. Pain. Lack. Abuse. Dread. Sadness. Worry. The concept of being safe, and one’s basic needs being met, was inconceivable. At the same time, looking back, we often forget that it was reasonable to ask our parents to ensure our survival. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

I am writing this article as the plane I’m on rises to join a sky that clamors to support and embrace it. And as I struggle to wrestle my unruly, petulant judgments about air travel, I find myself reflecting on the actual journey that I have taken. Not a vacation, but my return to from where I lived most of my years as a young adult. I had returned to Virginia to help my mother, and all of her memories packed in unassuming boxes, as they travel to their new home in Arizona.

The process of moving my mother, and our history in Virginia also comes on the heels of a dear friend’s request to write a letter for his parents as part of a scrapbook in celebration of their anniversary. And as both of these experiences ask for my reflection upon “the past,” I find that they also make me consider the idea of “attachment” and “impermanence.” Maybe you can relate.

The classic saying about change is that change is the only thing that is truly predictable; nevertheless, and as my trip to Virginia serves to remind me, no matter what one is attached to, it is not “permanent.” Thought it may be uncomfortable, and illicit strong reactions as you consider it, impermanence is what is permanent. Everything, and anything in life, is temporary, even this very moment. For while we may seek to get attached to things, people, events, substances, emotions, money, objects, beliefs, perceptions of others, even memories of the past, and ourselves, it is predictable that things do end. We just do all that we can to avoid it. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

For as long as I could remember, they were my siblings. Faithful. Loving. Supportive. With me when I played, laughed, and cried, they were beside me all of the time. Showing me unconditional love and compassion, the dogs I cherished were a part of my family, just as I was a part of theirs. I even tried to blame them for things at times. “But, it wasn’t me, Mum, it was the dog.” Of course, that never worked. It still doesn’t.

Now, I am sure that a pet being a “family member” is not an unusual concept for many of you who would read this. In fact, I would imagine that, right now, you could even bring up an image of your first pet, and sense some kind of emotional, physical, or spiritual reaction. And, perhaps like me, you have known the powerful connection between your pet, and the love that they give you in return.

Perhaps you would wonder why I would chose to write about the power of the relationship between dogs and me, or your animals and you. But, I did so, not only because I love my “fur-kids,” but also because many of my clients have pets and consider them to be some of their best supports, their family. And let’s face it, for many, it may be all the family they have.

Maybe they were there when you learned to love, or had to bear the pain of losing it. Perhaps they sat by you as you experienced joy, happiness, and peace. But, no matter what your encounters with your animals, you know that, already, this article connects to your understanding of their love for you.
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A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Shattering Our Illusions

Kurt Vonnegut, in The Cat’s Cradle, created the concept of the “Karass,” a group of people with a connection, albeit often unknowingly, sharing a mutual spiritual goal. In the spirit of what often appears as “coincidence” people find they run into these individuals again and again. Maybe seeing them often, or even occasionally, they “pop up” in your life, across various points of your life. While you may not even “know them” they still feel familiar because you often share the same spaces or experiences. They, as you are, share a common spiritual path, even if you don’t know it or them.

The Healing Wave

Similarly, as if in some pre-scripted movie, life seems to send clients my away in what I call “healing waves.” I coined this term to explain the pattern that unfolds when, energetically, the same kinds of clients walk through my door, and in the same span of time. To me, it is as if universe sends them to “do their work” in energetic groups. And, as in Vonnegut’s “Karass,” these people are joined, energetically and spiritually, arriving all to focus on the same issue, concept, or need. While their histories, situations, and goals may be different, they speak of the exact same concepts in session, as the ones prior. The most recent “energy wave” wanted my greater attention, wanted me to do more with it. And so, this article came about.

Without fail, I found that a recent healing wave came of clients struggling with pain from a secondary level of loss, the loss of illusion. Session after session they, perhaps like you have, grieved the loss of the “idea of” something. The second layer of grief that comes when one has to mourn not only the original loss, such as a relationship, life change, or death, but also the “illusion” of what things “could have been like,” as opposed to how the situations, events, or others “really are.”

Faith, Hope, and Illusion

I believe that our attachment to the “idea of” something comes from our confusing two separate concepts, faith and hope. As a result of our confusing these ideas, we then become hijacked by illusion, a fantasy of how things are, or should be. In other words, by confusing faith and hope, we become attached to an illusion created in our minds. We then experience great pain when that ensuing illusion, doesn’t match the true reality. We then grief the loss of the illusion itself. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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As a young child growing up in the hills of North Wales, Great Britain, my imagination assured me that the small, brown, dark circles dotted across the fields were truly doorways into other worlds. Skipping in circles, dancing to the harmony of the breeze caressing the trees, I was certain that, at any minute, I would be whisked away into the worlds in between this one, and the next. And, in between those worlds, I could find mystery and magic.

I held onto my belief in the world of fairies until I was about seven-years-old. My neighbor, innocently enough, burst my bubble of fantasy when he innocently told me that fairies weren’t real. Fairy rings didn’t exist. Though the Celtic folklore surrounding the land of fairies was generations old, the dark rings were, in fact, a unique moss that grew in circles amongst the green hills of Wales. I was crushed. The land in between worlds, the place that I believed I could travel to, became a cherished reminiscence. I grew up, and thought my imagination would forget about it. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“In nature we never see anything isolated, but everything in connection with something else which is before it, beside it, under it and over it.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Within each of us survive volumes of stories, an ever-expansive library of sorts that holds the perceptions about people, events, and experiences in our lives. Each story ends and dove tails into the others, weaving a tapestry of tales that the unconscious reads often, and we come to believe as truth. Right now, your ego is the storyteller, a teller of tales, albeit one who is reluctant to rewrite them.

All of our perceptions about our internal and external worlds unfold from the stories that the ego holds on to as truth. Throughout our lives, the ego has collected volumes and volumes of narratives, “stories” about you, others, and the world around it. You can bet that no matter how the story is “written” the larger message from the ego is that you are “separate” from other people, not connected, and are alone in your feelings and experiences. You see, the ego only wants us to access stories that perpetuate the idea that we are separate from the world and ironically, separate from our true selves.

The fact is that we all do this. The illusion of our separateness appears in our forgetting that others often share the same “stories” as we do. The ego’s greatest stories are those that perpetuate the idea we are not like our friends, co-workers, therapists, friends, loved ones. They just could not have had similar thoughts and fears as we do. Certainly, the way that those stories are presented, or the circumstances, may be different, but we all are human. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself.” – Alan Alda

I got on the plane, bags in tow. Convinced that I needed everything I had packed, my attire reflected the “business like” image I had to reflect in my interview the next day. I was flying back to the United Kingdom, for a second interview. Driven a strong desire get back “home” and to pursue a job that seemed made for me; I just knew that it was the right path to take.

As expected, I landed in Wales and immediately felt the sense of familiarity, comfort, and peace that the countryside always offered me. Without my conscious control, my soul seemed to jump up and down with glee at its return to the place of my birth. The business suit I wore to the interview reflecting my desire for the job, and underneath it, nostalgia for the country I left as a child. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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“When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” - C.S. Lewis

After my childhood, then teenage years, my musings and passion for creative writing “grew up,” succumbing to the norms that college and graduate school required. My journals, having unceremoniously insisted that they be my comfort and companion through every experience, were buried under my “adult” responsibilities.

I meant to write and I was inspired to. Nevertheless, I rarely did. My muses stood by, impatiently, in the unemployment line, eagerly waiting for the next job. Mostly, they waited for me to find the “right” time to pit pen to paper. Granted, words would often materialize, unexpectedly, as if apparitions out of thin air. Joyous and full of energy, they eagerly sprung into step, as if dancing around a maypole, circling me in celebration of me joining them. But, there were many times that I consciously ignored them. At least they trusted that I would return to play with them. I did, albeit twelve years later.

As we “grow up” the playful and creative activities we once loved are often the first to be tossed overboard if the ship goes down. Yet, is in the act of playing that you can find what your spirit hungers for. The most playful, creative, inspiring and “childish” activities can offer a life preserver, to carry us from all of those “have to’s.” They ask that we remember what it feels like to have fun and color outside the lines of expectation and judgment.

Writing is good for me; it feeds me. At the same time, perhaps like you, there are so many other things to juggle. This phone call. That person. That deadline. This meeting. You name it; there is always “something” that has to be done. Nevertheless, we should also allow ourselves to do what is playful and nurturing; we need it to find balance in our lives. At the same time, some activities are just good for us, period. Kind of like broccoli, you know? You don’t ask “why,” you just know it is.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” - George Bernard Shaw Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“You can outdistance that which is running after you, but you cannot outdistance that which is running inside you.” -African Proverb

My soul thirsted for down time, as if it was parched for the very fundamental nature of itself. Two weeks off from all that was my daily life and practice. Read. Write. Rest. Heal. Yet, as my soul and body thirsted for it, my ego struggled with the decision. My mind knew that I needed the time away to recover from a medical procedure. Not a big deal; it knew all of the valid reasons for it. I couldn’t imagine that my ego would argue with me. But, it did. And it yelled loudly.

The Hurricane

When is the last time that you focused on really, truly, not “doing” anything? My ego wanted me to stay busy, do usual activities, drive forward, and, ultimately, keep things the same. It was becoming agitated by the very stillness that the absence of those activities would create. Yet, my soul knew that the calmness was exactly what was necessary. And, by wanting to keep things the same, my ego wanted to distract me from whatever it was that I could not outdistance. Oscar Wilde once said, “Nothing is so aggravating than calmness.” For the first few days of my down time, I agreed with him. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition.” - Monty Python

Tuesday was not really a day that I foresaw throwing me any major “surprises.” It would be a mellow one, with little planned outside of my favorite yoga class. The universe, obviously, had something else in store for me. Of course, you don’t see surprises coming. That’s the point.

I strolled into yoga class. (Okay, I was running a bit late. So, here’s the reality. I probably plowed through the door.) Nevertheless, I was grounded and ready for class with one of my “favorite” teachers, in a class that, certainly, stretches me beyond my mental and physical limits. The class was familiar, known, and one that I have a certain “attachment” to. Read the rest of this entry

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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“When I counted up my demons I saw there was one for every day. But with the good ones on my shoulder, I drove the other ones away.” – Coldplay

Riding the Train

I stood on my yoga mat, the sound of my breath pounding in my ears like the thunderous sound of a train in transit. Each wayward thought competed to hijack the breath and the mantra of “peace” that I started my yoga practice with that day. My sense of calm desperately clamored to stay onboard, while my thoughts gallivanted about like wild monkeys wrestling to derail it. “No, lets go here.” “Yep, wander off. Get distracted” And witnessing it, with loving kindness, I would have to bring myself back to my breath. I would find “peace” in the spaces in between the thoughts; they were heavenly “stops” where my “monkey mind” would just rest and let me focus on riding the breath. Course, they started again. You know they always do. But those moments were magnificent, and the very essence of “peace” that I sought. I just had to trust that more stops would come. And they do. So, I returned to my breath, and followed it, back to true myself again. And the journey continues.

Showing Up

So, lets just put this out there; anyone who says that mediation, yoga, or other activities that promote mindfulness are “easy,” just haven’t experienced them. You and I both also know that it can initially take a greater sense of effort to just “be in the moment” than to just allow the monkey like thoughts to take over. But, many find that the benefits of showing up for such practices can far outweigh the effort that it can take to just get on the mat in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong; I am no yoga instructor, but I am a trauma counselor who cherishes yoga, especially what it offers clients and myself. I especially encourage my clients with trauma histories to consider a yoga practice as part of their daily living, and here is why. Read the rest of this entry

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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Maybe you can relate to this. I know a lot of folks who are learning about or working the law of attraction into their lives. The principles, just like the law itself, have been around for many years; they do work to manifest our intensions. I would also bet that many of you have read the books, focused your thoughts, and written them down. How many of you have felt disappointed if those goals didn’t manifest as you had hoped they would?

Maybe this sounds familiar: “this law of attraction crap doesn’t work.” Well, it’s not crap; it really does work. But, isn’t it interesting that it is also a Law of Attraction? You still have to do something. The universe still needs to see that you believe in it. Focusing on the law attraction, alone, to manifest goals is just one piece of the puzzle. Read the rest of this entry

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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I knew, several months ago, that I would write about April being Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Nevertheless, after the short amount of time that it took to write it, the original article sits, alone in my office trashcan, tossed aside. The cold hard facts about sexual assault, the statistics, they all had their place. They cried out like an overwhelmingly loud and obnoxious alarm clock, desperately trying to wake you as you slumber peacefully. But you see, statistics always do. Numbers always do. Facts always do. We hear them every day and yet, they are not heard. Ironically, just like the voice of many victims of sexual assault, their cries go unanswered. So, I rewrote it.

Sure, you may know that every 35 seconds, a child is reported to be abused or neglected (NCVC, 2008). You may even know that 1 of out 6 women and 1 out of 33 men have experienced a completed or attempted rape (RAINN, 2008). But the difference is that you don’t know statistics. You just know people. You would truly know, and you could feel that statistic, if it was your child, your friend, your sister, your brother, your father, your mother, or you who were assaulted.

I struggled with this writing because sexual assault and abuse is tough to write about. Like the analogy a friend recently told me, it’s like being the town crier. You have a difficult announcement to make, to call out, but the message is ugly, painful, and shocking. Let’s face it. Who really wants to hear that their family and friends are more likely to abuse their child than strangers? Who really wants to acknowledge that you are more likely to be raped by someone you already know? But, someone does want you to hear it, and those are the people who already know. Read the rest of this entry

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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At a recent event, I had the joy of watching a boy, no more than seven years old, exploring his world. His energy sparkled and his spirit was pure; he was an “old soul,” to say the least. As part of a “quest” he was asked to bring back the answer to the question “what is wisdom?” He waited patiently as my friend and I considered our reply. The answer was painstakingly difficult, and at best, only touched the surface of wisdom’s substance. “Wisdom is knowing and doing the right thing, even if it is the hardest thing to do.” Off he went, and there we stood, dumbfounded.

I continued to ponder the boy’s question, and our brief answer. I considered how often the universe asks us to do the wisest thing, which is often the thing that hurts the most. Yet, our humanness, and our desire to not suffer, or see others suffering, blocks us from doing that very thing. Instead of pushing through the pain, facing it, exploring the suffering, some chose not to do the wisest thing. It can seem counter intuitive. The wisest thing can be, in actuality, the choice that would hurt the most, initially, even if is more helpful in the long run.

Maybe you know that something in your life is not healthy, right for you, or even puts you in danger. Wisdom tells you “I need to stop this,” but the expectation of the pain from that decision over rules you. Instead of listening to your inner wisdom, you allow the fear of the suffering to take over. You do nothing, or the same thing. We do suffer, and will, but it is at the other side of suffering that wisdom develops. Wisdom comes from experiencing what is difficult, surviving it, healing from it, and ultimately, integrating what is learned. Read the rest of this entry

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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Therapy for Traumatic Stress: The Container

To keep the memories of abusive experiences aside, some lock their emotions, thoughts, and experiences away. Some describe their disturbing memories as if they are in a file folder, hard drive, cabinet, on a shelf, or out of the body. For others, the “containers” are described as being hidden from view, out of sight, maybe out of mind. Despite being sealed shut by these distractions, each container wants to be unopened, despite the person’s fear of opening them. Trauma therapy means opening the containers, carefully, and with appropriate and clinically sound support. Releasing trauma’s hold on the body can be a gift, albeit one to open with awareness.

Your Body Has Memory

As you remember from part one of this article, the nervous system remembers trauma. The posttraumatic stress symptoms that it gives you are its way of telling you, “Hey, deal with this!”

Therefore, if you start trauma therapy, it is important to understand that your body has memory, and will react. Because your body “holds” the memories, thoughts, emotions, and images of what happened, it is very possible that you will experience them in and or outside of your sessions. Read the rest of this entry

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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One of Many

No one ever told her that the memories would come back to haunt her. Time had tucked it all away when no one believed her about the abuse. Drugs and alcohol were the only things that listened. They believed in her. Concealed from view, in the darkened corners of her mind, they were patiently waiting. Waiting for just the right time to jump out at her, surprise her, and catch her off guard. Like an unexpected movie, suddenly flashing across her mind, her memories, they presented themselves to a reluctant audience. As they created soundtracks, images, and body sensations, she was overwhelmed and alone. She walked into my office, not knowing what to do, or where to begin.

She is one, of many, who share their harrowing stories with me. The numbers are staggering of women and men who have survived sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, sexual and physical assault, let alone deaths, accidents, violence, war, catastrophic events, even traumatic loss like divorce.

You May Have Already Stopped Reading

I know that for you, this article may not apply. I may have already lost you by now. Perhaps there was no event in your life that you would define as “traumatic.” Or, it’s in the past, right? I know that what one person may consider traumatic, another may not. Perhaps you know someone who understands it all too well.

Nevertheless, it is important to recognize that the perception of being in danger, unsafe, or threatened, defines it as such. Know that if you have had a sense of being unsafe or threatened, your nervous system will remember. Even if you do not define an experience as traumatic, unconsciously, your brain and nervous system can still perceive that you are in danger. When they do, their automatic functions take over, which can lead to traumatic stress. Read the rest of this entry

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

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That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate. — Carl Jung

As the year has come to a close, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on the experiences, lessons, and even challenges that it brought. Like a tide washing over the beach, in and back out again, the year came and went. It left, just as quickly as it came, but not without exquisite shells in its wake. As I have reflected on my time with clients, and the work we do, I know that each of them experiences “healing” differently. Nevertheless, I have found, that Carl Jung was right. We must heal, from within, and explore unchartered territories. Besides, they are there, just waiting for us to explore.

Unchartered Territories

Old English map makers often marked the edges of maps with imposing dragons, serpents, and other terrifying mythological beasts. Unsurveyed waters threatened sea fearers. Some chose not to venture into those unchartered territories. It was too scary and represented the unknown. Others, gathered their resources, planned for the quest, and hoped for the best.

Sometimes, you also have to ask yourself, which type of explorer you will be. Sometimes you have to ask yourself if it is worth the emotional risk. Perhaps it is more of a risk to stay exactly where you are, motionless, static, and still on the shore. Read the rest of this entry