The Pros and Cons of Staying Involved With an Ex-Spouse
One of the most difficult aspects of a marital breakup is communicating with a former spouse. In the immediate aftermath of a separation, feelings are raw, and emotions can be overwhelming. Regardless of how long couples have been married, the trauma of a separation can cause a significant emotional wound. When individuals are feeling abandoned, hurt, or in pain, the first person they want to turn to for comfort is their spouse. Sadly, this is usually the same person that is the source of the pain. This conundrum can cause some... Read More
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We all experience losses, big and little, throughout our lives. When enduring a big loss, people fall into patterns that may be considered male or female ways of reacting.
Men and women tend to process their losses differently, but the way they grieve is affected by many other factors besides gender, such as culture, personality, and temperament. Grief and loss are experienced in unique ways by each individual.
A generalization about gender differences in grieving would be that men tend to focus on feelings of guilt and anger. They are likely to spend more time thinking than feeling. They... 
A common experience for caregivers after a loss is a feeling of purposelessness.
After having one’s schedule tightly wrapped around the needs of an ailing partner, parent, child, friend, or patient, their death can leave one not only heartbroken but also searching for how to fill the days once again.
The background worry does not need to be there anymore. The routine of administering medications has vanished. The limitations of travel, vacation, and socializing with others have been lifted. Grocery shopping is a reminder of what favorite foods not to bring home. And one’s thoughts, feelings,... 
We breathe all the time, right? So, what's the big deal?
Most of us are not breathing properly throughout our days for optimum health and well-being. Most of us have poor posture, we sit at our desks for long periods of time, slump in our seats, stare at screens, move very little. This is a problem for much of the population. If grief is added on top of those bad habits, our situation becomes even more difficult. Grieving on its own makes us feel like we want to be slumped down, curled into a ball. It makes us want to protect our hearts. The chaotic yet static state sometimes even stops our... 
Losing a family member to suicide is extremely painful. No matter how old the deceased is, suicide carries with it confusion, questions, and stigma. The surviving family members can feel 
When I am asked about anxiety and where it comes from, I remind people that it is so important to look into one's past to see how past events can play a role as well. Things that may have happened years before can definitely lead to present (and future) issues, as well as leave us to doubt our ability at times ( a la "will I truly be able to manage these new tasks at work," or "will people really be there for me as my relationships have not gone the way I have wanted. I'm not so sure"). This uncertainty can create a great deal of anxiety and doubt.
Psychologist Charles Bentley eloquently describes... 
People are often perplexed by numbness or intense emotionality that can occur for years after a traumatic event. Addictions, stress, and anxiety may also follow. If you are experiencing any of these, this is NORMAL. You are not alone.
In the same way that we need to digest physical food, we need to digest emotional happenings. If we don’t take the time needed to allow emotional happenings to digest, we may feel cut off or extremely reactive. This is not wrong; this is human. The question is how one addresses this experience so that it comes to a gentle close.
In working with hundreds of... 
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”
-Dalai Lama
In life we encounter many different experiences. Some are joyful and uplifting, and others are painful and challenging. When we encounter joy, there is a yearning to have it last forever, but when there’s pain our first reaction is to avoid, ignore, or push it away. When we react to joy or pain with any form of resistance (i.e., clinging to joy, avoiding, pushing away, or ignoring pain) we suffer. What helps us walk through our suffering and the suffering of others is to become aware... 
Every day, you should be finding ways to contribute to your own good health, but it’s still nice to celebrate once a year the importance of being healthy. April 7 is World Health Day, and this year the focus is on improving health as people age.
Specifically, the topic of this year’s World Health Day is “aging and health,” with a theme of “Good health adds life to years,” according to the World Health Organization’s website. This is a day for people to focus on major health issues and implement changes that will affect the health of people all over the world.
Mental health in... 
The following is an open letter to my sister Andrea Haber, who died from complications due to alcoholism on 10/31/11.
Dearest Anj:
Just a note to let you know how much I miss you. It’s still so bitterly ironic to me that what killed you is the very disease I’ve devoted my life to battling. But in a way, your alcoholism never gave you a chance.
I’m sorry we never talked about it, although you can’t say I didn’t try. There was a time, a few years back, when you told me you wanted to talk about it, and my heart leapt. But that talk, like so many hoped-for moments, never materialized.
I... 
Earl Scruggs died this week. For those of you not familiar with bluegrass music, he was one of the godfathers of bluegrass, an amazingly talented banjo player and innovator. Two weeks ago, I had the privilege of being interviewed on NPR’s national talk show, “Talk of the Nation.” Surely, you’re wondering: What do these things have in common?
Grief.
Somehow, “Talk of the Nation” read my very first blog post on GoodTherapy.org about my yearlong struggle with grief: I lost my father to lung cancer in early 2011. The producers liked that I was a practicing clinician who also had experienced... 
Grief arises as a product of a loss that we have experienced. It is associated with losses that may include health, job, relationship, pet, family, and major events. We may not be able to describe the roller coaster of emotions, yet we do know that we are not ourselves. When we feel out of sorts, sensations surface such as low self-esteem, illness, depression, and confusion, which can manifest into thoughts that our feelings are out of our control. As a result, this full body experience may be difficult to process or verbalize. To mend this sorrow, the expressive arts can create a doorway to the... 
Last month’s post focused on what NOT to do and say to a parent who has just been faced with an autism diagnosis. I received lots of feedback and was thrilled by the response. Many of you shared your similar experiences and offered the things that you found most helpful during that very vulnerable time. So what does effective comforting look like?
Hope
Many parents tell me they needed a sense of hope and that finding the right book, teacher, counselor, or doctor helped foster that hope—hope that this wasn’t the end of their dreams for their child and hope that their child could learn,... 
The idea of there being stages of grief has been greatly popularized and accepted over the last few decades. It is an idea that gives us perspective on our grief, like the red dotted line going across a map in an old movie to show the itinerary of the protagonists.
However, among professionals, theses stages have been slowly phased out of use over the years for lack of evidence from both research and casual observation.
Now, the old saying that “If you have a hammer, the whole world looks like a nail” comes to mind. Our preconceptions predispose us to experience things a certain way.... 
