Mommy Guilt: Put It in Its Place
I recently found myself in a multicultural group setting, listening to a young White American woman share some of her concerns. Most of the members of the group were either immigrants or first-generation Americans, hailing from South America, China, and the Middle East. The American was pregnant with her first child, and she was sharing with the group about her difficulties finding a name that both she and her husband could agree on. The Indian gentleman said that in his country, an aunt or cousin names the baby and announces it on the child’s 6th day of life. I rather like that idea, but it... Read More
I’m a big fan of analogies and metaphors. When I think about eating disorders and recovery, analogies and metaphors often form in my mind, and I use them to describe and explain the process of the development of and recovery from a disordered relationship with food and the body. I’ve developed quite a supply of them, but I’ve never written them down—until now.
Here are some of the analogies that I’ve created over the years. I hope you find them helpful.
Video Game
Recovery is like playing a video game. In a video game, you start out with little experience or skill, and you eventually... 
Oncologists and medical doctors work closely with cancer patients to design a plan of treatment that will give them the highest chance of survival. Individuals who are diagnosed with particularly aggressive cancers that are terminal are often presented with multiple treatment options. Doctors work with patients and family members to decide which treatment will be most beneficial physically, emotionally, and even financially. Unfortunately, insurance coverage often dictates which treatment plan will be chosen, regardless of whether it extends life expectancy the most or not. Patients and doctors... 
At one extreme among inflexible people is obsessive-compulsive disorder—people who must perform a ritual to be sure something is done “right,” whether it’s checking the locks or the bank balance—but there are gradations all along the way to the other extreme. Those gradations may include people who seem quite normal; they’re pleasant, fun, kind, and friendly—until you cross them. Then watch out.
Inflexible people are not that way because they enjoy being rigid and controlling. If you stop and think about it, the idea that someone is controlling because they enjoy it makes no sense.... 
There is an abundance of literature providing evidence for a link between perfectionism and depression. People who are highly self-critical with respect to perfectionism are more vulnerable to 
The word bridezilla has become an oft-used part of our lexicon, and many people who have never been married are confused by the panic and stress that seems to surround wedding planning. But a newly engaged couple quickly learns that the stress of wedding planning is not the overexaggerated fantasy of people who simply have no stress tolerance. Wedding planning is stressful for almost everyone, and yet people never stop to think about why this is. Here’s what is really going on.
Expectations vs. Reality
A wedding is a major rite of passage, and many people—especially women—have been raised... 
Food and eating problems are a serious concern among young women. Existing research has shown a link between eating problems and perfectionism. Evidence has also demonstrated a direct relationship between perfectionism and exercise. It has also been suggested that anger is related to perfectionism. Suppressed anger and trait anger may somehow increase the vulnerability for eating problems. But until recently, this relationship between anger and eating problems has not been thoroughly explored. College-age women, who are under 
The shooting of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in a small Florida town has sparked a national outrage and inspired discussions about racism, fear of the unknown, and the risk of overzealous neighborhood watches. In the onslaught of sympathy and outrage, however, a disturbing trend of labeling Trayvon as somehow deserving of being shot has also occurred. This practice is known as victim blaming and is common when a member of a historically disenfranchised minority— such as women, people of color, or the disabled—is harmed. Psychologists have studied this behavior and can offer us several explanations... 
A dear friend was telling me the other day about a bumper sticker that had symbols of some of the world’s religions and writing that said “co-exist.” What a shame that as we approach the start of the Easter/Passover season, in which many of the world’s believers participate, that people are far from accepting the right of others to worship as they see fit without judgment or condemnation. Why is it that many people feel that their religion is the one true way to believe in and connect to God?
I can only speculate from my perspective as psychotherapist and Yoruba/Lucumi priest. Here are... 
Traumatic events teach you that severe dangers exist and that life is not always safe. However, we all need to feel a certain amount of safety in order to function within the wide world. So how does a survivor of trauma gain a sense of safety when she/he inherently knows that the world contains serious dangers? Well, one way is by creating rigid rules that are flawlessly followed.
These rules tend to have an all-or-nothing hue to them, for example: “All sadness must be avoided, otherwise I will cry, never stop, and drown in my pain,” or “All romantic partners will leave me so I must leave... 
Declining health is a natural process of aging. The majority of individuals over age 65 experience more physical health problems as they enter the golden years than they did earlier in life. Some experience mild, common health problems, such as high blood pressure, arthritis, memory problems, and fatigue, while others struggle with more debilitating 
If you have completed Exercise 1, congratulations to you. Please take a moment to pat yourself on the back. You deserve it, because it must have taken a great deal of courage to write about your family history. Most of my clients shed some tears in our therapy session when they share it with me. Then they feel very relieved.
Most people are not ready to share the letter with their family of origin right away. If you have a therapist available or a sponsor, discuss it with that person. If not, review it with a supportive, nonjudgmental friend. Before sharing this with your family, it is important... 
Perfectionism and depression have been shown to be closely related, with perfectionism being a predictor of depressive symptoms. In a 
Therapist: Tell me a little about yourself:
Client: I'm a 32–year-old male, software engineer, living in Los Angeles. I've never been to therapy before, this is my first time.
Therapist: Why did you decide to seek therapy now?
Client: I need to fix the issue of having panic attacks while driving to work. I drive back and forth to work every day, and I have to drive at least 40 miles each day. Obviously, I'm worried, sometimes I feel helpless, like I won't be able to drive to work, and this concerns me greatly.
Therapist: Describe your experience of having these attacks.
Client:... 
