Category: Contemplative Psychotherapy
The Good Therapy Blog
April 2nd, 2012 |
All of life, all of learning and growth, all of healing follows a spiral path, returning over and over to visit a place of pain or suffering in order to master the lessons held therein. Each revolution of the spiral brings us more experience and perspective and skill, so that our path is smoothed and we become increasingly resilient and expansive. This sounds good, but in practice it can be quite difficult.
Finding ourselves repeating old patterns we thought we had gotten rid of, dealing with the same difficult people repeatedly, or turning into a teenager again after spending 15 minutes with... Read More
January 3rd, 2012 |
This post is made up of the flotsam and jetsam that have been washing around in the ocean of my mind, waiting to be shared. May it be of benefit to you.
New Year’s resolutions don’t often work because we need to be at a certain stage of readiness to make real change. But we could say to ourselves, “This year I will watch for those moments of readiness as they arise, and I will try my best to make use of them.”
Acceptance of things as they are is the only way to begin to change things into what they might be.
When you think you can’t accept someone as they are, or let something... Read More
September 14th, 2011 |
The final paramita, or practice leading to happiness, is Prajna, or Wisdom. This is not the wisdom that comes with age or long study. This is the wisdom of seeing what is actually happening in any given moment. This is discriminating awareness, which can tell the difference between our imagined storylines about what is going on, and what is true. It is the wisdom of clarity, and acceptance, and it requires more than a little awareness and courage. It is the wisdom of accurate reporting.
Awareness helps us to see what it is that we may not be seeing. Courage helps us to accept that things are... Read More
July 21st, 2011 |
The fifth Paramita, or practice for attaining happiness, is Dhyana, or Meditation. As with all the other Paramitas, we develop this one through practice.
While it can be hard to keep a regular practice going, regularity is a salient feature of meditation. It is less important how long you sit or which technique you use or how clear your mind seems to be during practice. (Truth: your experience during sitting meditation is not necessarily an indicator of how well... Read More
June 13th, 2011 |
In the last article we concluded that the avoidance of difficult emotions is a major component of depression. But emotion is natural—it is the movement of energy within and it is hard-wired. Even before we had language, we had emotion. So, why does it cause us problems?
Well, we live in a culture in which we are expected to feel good and yet we do not. Life’s experiences are not all sunny and those that contradict our expectations give rise to confusion... Read More
June 12th, 2011 |
This month our Paramita, or practice on the path to happiness, is virya, which is translated as exertion, diligence or joyful effort. Many of us, especially if we live full and busy lives, might respond to the very notion with a sigh, a feeling of overwhelm, or the sense that, once again, we have not done, been, or accomplished Enough. Now even the Buddhists are scolding us, “Try harder!”
No. That’s not what it means.
In truth, effort is required for us to do anything, to live our lives, whether simple or complex. We often make things harder than they need to be by judging ourselves... Read More
June 6th, 2011 |
In my practice I often meet clients experiencing crisis, whether midlife, spiritual or existential, and sometimes it’s a combination of all of these. Laurinda (not her real name) was such a person. Laurinda came to see me once she was on the verge of complete emotional and physical collapse. The immediate trigger of the breakdown had been the fact that she had missed an important meeting at which she was to have given a presentation to a professional group, but after hearing a bit more of... Read More
May 30th, 2011 |
Being human means that we can experience serious bouts of depression, which can make life feel seriously out of balance. There is a sense that we have lost sight of our own vitality and purpose. Depression, however, does not mean that we are “sick,” as much as it means we may be coping with difficulties in such a way as to avoid feeling badly or dealing with problems. Often, in our attempt to not feel painful feelings, we avoid dealing with difficulties regarding our health, our relationships, our work, and our play. We avoid, withdraw, isolate, numb ourselves (through unhealthy behaviors),... Read More
April 28th, 2011 |
This month our Paramita, or practice on the path towards happiness, is Patience. The practice of patience involves a shift in our perspective. Buddhist teacher Sylvia Boorstein says patience “…remains present as long as the mind remembers that things end…when their conditioning causes end...” Conditioning causes are the elements that are coming together in this particular place and time that are causing us stress. In other words, have patience, this too shall pass.
Note: stress could be celebrated as the only opportunity we have to practice patience. Of course, our habitual tendency... Read More
March 3rd, 2011 |
To continue with the theme of the Paramitas from last month, when we began with Generosity, we will look at the practice of Ethics or Morality (Shila in Pali), sometimes referred to as Discipline.
Many of us have a negative response to the words Morality and Discipline (and possibly Ethics). It can sound like something imposed, a “Should” that we never quite live up to. Some of us feel hopeless around these words, or like bad people, or self-righteous. In truth, Discipline and Morality are inner qualities that, when cultivated within a clear framework, bring a sense of peace and well being,... Read More
February 3rd, 2011 |
My meditation class is exploring the six Paramitas, or perfections, the path of the Bodhisattva (one who vows to liberate all beings from suffering). It is simpler than it sounds. In truth, it is the path to happiness, and any one of us can follow it. In the months to come I will write posts about each of the Paramitas and explain how we can make use of them in our lives.
The first Paramita is Generosity. In class we’ve talked about where generosity comes from, what it feels like, and what impedes it. Turns out, we all know a lot about it. We know what generosity feels like – it feels lovely.... Read More
January 13th, 2011 |
People at the Safeway on January 8 were grocery shopping, hanging out with their friends and families, and doing their normal Saturday morning chores; Congressional Representative Gabrielle Giffords was holding a “meet and greet” with her constituents. Then Jared Lee Loughner opened fire and all hell broke loose.
Six people were killed, including a nine year old girl; many were wounded, and as of January 9, Representative Giffords, the main target of the attack, lies in a medically induced coma in a hospital in Tucson, recovering from a point blank gunshot wound. Armed with a semi-automatic... Read More
January 10th, 2011 |
We as humans occupy the odd position of knowing we will die someday, and having no way of knowing how, where or when. This creates a kind of underlying fundamental tension in human existence. It also creates denial, and an urge to try to control things. We are prone to critiquing ourselves and our lives (and often other people), in some sense as a way to manage our anxiety over all of this. If we just know what’s wrong, and can fix it, we’ll be happy, right? And have no regrets when we die. (Probably we are hoping we will never actually die, but that’s another discussion.)
In the beginning... Read More
September 3rd, 2010 |
Just Bow
Putting my right and left hands together as one,
I bow.
Just bow to become one with Buddha and God.
Just bow to become one with everything I encounter.
Just bow to become one with all myriad things.
Just bow as life becomes life.
~Uchiyama Roshi's death poem
There are many ways of interpreting, understanding, categorizing peace. What might be helpful, however, is dropping all ideas about peace and looking for its actual reality. This means that we drop our philosophies and theories about peace and “just bow as life becomes life.” In other words, there is a kind of existence... Read More
