Co-Dependency Workbook Exercise 3
If you are reading this article, then you probably have completed your list of troubled relationships. I hope you are patting yourself on the back for having done this. I am sure it was painful to take an honest look at your current relationships. Generally, in codependent relationships there is some pain and emotional abuse. They tend to be rather lopsided, with you doing most if not all of the giving. When you realize this, you may get angry and feel as though others are using you. You may wonder why this is. It is because when they meet you, they sense that you are a caretaker who will want... Read More
Are you a doormat? You are reading this, which is a good indication that you think you may be!
Are you constantly giving to others while rarely receiving anything in return?
Do people consistently take advantage of you?
Do you say yes when you really want to say no?
Do you over commit to your own detriment? Do you take responsibility for other people’s problems?
Do the people in your life expect you to solve their problems?
If you have answered yes to these questions, you are in danger of being a doormat.
When we struggle with being assertive, food often becomes a powerful coping... 
If you have completed Exercise 1, congratulations to you. Please take a moment to pat yourself on the back. You deserve it, because it must have taken a great deal of courage to write about your family history. Most of my clients shed some tears in our therapy session when they share it with me. Then they feel very relieved.
Most people are not ready to share the letter with their family of origin right away. If you have a therapist available or a sponsor, discuss it with that person. If not, review it with a supportive, nonjudgmental friend. Before sharing this with your family, it is important... 
The truth is that depression often breaks up relationships because it is so hard to handle. Preparing a depression plan when the person is not depressed can help the two of you get through the depressive episodes. The plan should be aimed at a shared understanding about the changes in thoughts and behavior depression causes and a commitment to stretch to get through the difficult period of depression. It takes a great deal of effort on the part of both the depressed person and the partner to separate the person from the depression. Yet doing this can be very important to maintaining the relationship.
Try... 
Being considered a “perfect child” by one’s parents feels fantastic. Basking in the glow from parents’ approval and love can feel safe and special, like one is living in a magical world where everyone is happy and satisfied. These feelings are very seductive. The child is usually not aware that they pay a price in order to maintain the parents’ continued extraordinary approval. That price is the giving up of one’s unique sense of self in order to comply and be the child and then the adult that the parents adore. Being kept on a pedestal distracts from being aware that one has wants... 
Toxic friends come in many forms—they can take much more than they add to the friendship; they can be a chronic complainer; they can tear you down—but the bottom line is that when you walk away from time spent with a toxic friend, you probably feel worse for the wear. If you think you might have a toxic friend in your life, take a moment to reflect on how you usually feel after being with this friend; if what you come up with includes words like drained, tired, unmotivated, worthless, or even downright depressed, you quite likely have a toxic friend. While it might be easy to identify the toxic... 
I was talking to one of my colleagues about the age of my son and the age of his daughters. His daughters are much older than my almost 1 year old, but he was able to give me some great wisdom. The wisdom was that “friendship comes later.”
What I gather from that is when a child is younger, what they need is to be parented. Parenting is teaching, guiding, and leading the child to know how to make wise choices, to be disciplined when he is not making a wise choice, to be shown how to love self and others, to make friends, and to evolve into a wise young person.
There are a few parents... 
Now that you understand how codependency develops in a family surrounding a dysfunctional person, what are you supposed to do next? Many clients have said, “Joyce, now that I understand where my fear of abandonment comes from, how do I stop being so scared of it that I mess up my relationships?” You can learn to do this, but it certainly isn’t easy. As you go through this workbook, you may feel uneasy when you try on new behaviors. It’s okay. Try to give yourself permission to be awkward. You don’t have to do everything perfectly.
Ideally, you have a therapist available to you or,... 
Sometimes co-dependents may be identified by their behavior in the workplace. You may think that is impossible, because co-dependents tend to be good employees. They work harder than anyone else, they anticipate the needs of management and the are very dependable. However, there are two types of behavior that often identify them. The first type of behavior may be identified by management and, in some instances, the referral to the Employee Assistance Program may be on a mandatory basis. The second type of behavior generally comes in as a self referral unless it is extreme.
The first type of... 
When I think about many of the clients I see in therapy, men and women who want to develop relationships, find partners, and have families of their own, there are many who become so focused on giving the other what they think the other wants that they simply don’t consider what they want. All they know is that they want to feel desirable. There is not much thought given to what kind of person the other is and what he/she might provide for me. Is the other a good person? Do they think about what I need? Can I depend on them? These questions are not considered. Instead, they worry: Will he call... 
