Category: Abandonment
The Good Therapy Blog
May 15th, 2012 |
One of the most difficult aspects of a marital breakup is communicating with a former spouse. In the immediate aftermath of a separation, feelings are raw, and emotions can be overwhelming. Regardless of how long couples have been married, the trauma of a separation can cause a significant emotional wound. When individuals are feeling abandoned, hurt, or in pain, the first person they want to turn to for comfort is their spouse. Sadly, this is usually the same person that is the source of the pain. This conundrum can cause some... Read More
© Copyright 2012 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Chapel Hill Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
May 15th, 2012 |
The process of trauma recovery includes developing a narrative to one’s history, compartmentalizing who is accountable for what, and integrating old material into a new paradigm. Intrafamilial abuse, particularly child abuse, is often layered and complex. The locus of the early stages of the work tends to be the perpetrator of physical, sexual, or emotional injury; however, throughout the progression those who failed to protect slowly come into focus. Survivors express uncertainty around the parent who did not harm them but did not protect them either. As therapists, our energy is directed towards... Read More
April 17th, 2012 |
In my work with couples who are learning how to parent their children together after ending their marriage/relationship, we spend a good deal of time talking about how the ending of their relationship affects their children, what the internal experience of a child could be, and how they manage their parents’ conflict.
There are no descriptions that accurately describe what this is like for every child. We often see differences even between two children from the same family. We can discuss some of the possible scenarios to give you a flavor of what your children might be experiencing.
It... Read More
February 24th, 2012 |
Homelessness presents a significant social and economic problem for communities. Homeless individuals rely on government programs, charities, and outreach facilities to maintain any semblance of existence. Levels of homelessness can be partially attributed to lack of available resources for those seeking services, such as affordable housing, shelters, and back-to-work programs but can also be influenced by the mental and cognitive condition of the individual. It is well established that the majority of homeless individuals have struggled with some form of trauma... Read More
© Copyright 2012 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Concord Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
January 24th, 2012 |
Now that you understand how codependency develops in a family surrounding a dysfunctional person, what are you supposed to do next? Many clients have said, “Joyce, now that I understand where my fear of abandonment comes from, how do I stop being so scared of it that I mess up my relationships?” You can learn to do this, but it certainly isn’t easy. As you go through this workbook, you may feel uneasy when you try on new behaviors. It’s okay. Try to give yourself permission to be awkward. You don’t have to do everything perfectly.
Ideally, you have a therapist available to you or,... Read More
August 25th, 2011 |
“Approximately 95% of foster children experience at least one placement disruption while in out-of-home care, and the adverse effects of these disruptions on psychosocial functioning are well-documented,” said researchers who recently conducted a study to examine the effectiveness of the Multidimensional Treatment Foster Care for Preschoolers (MTFC-P). The... Read More
© Copyright 2011 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Silver Spring Bureau - All Rights Reserved.
July 29th, 2011 |
If hope is the thing with feathers, as Emily Dickenson said, then trust floats on gossamer wings.
Most people lose that child-like trust with the end of a first love, but not all. I have known a handful of souls who maintained it until death, or appeared to, but it's certainly not the norm. Life intrudes on the fantasy that someone will be an all-loving, supportive parent. Paradoxically, if you had toxic parents, it's even harder to relinquish this desire as yearning for a kinder, gentler life becomes a mission to get what you missed as a child.
Whether trust is broken by an affair, an addiction,... Read More
May 3rd, 2011 |
As a therapist, I talk about feelings a lot. Building a good relationship with one’s emotions can be incredibly helpful for increasing self-confidence and peace of mind. This can be daunting to many people—some feelings seem so big and overwhelming it can be scary to acknowledge them and actually spend time with them. The idea of being on friendly terms with painful emotions is a completely foreign concept to many people. Feeling an emotion deeply in order to fully understand, accept, and transform it takes courage, confidence, and trust that the process will not result in disaster.
The... Read More
January 25th, 2011 |
Beginning in infancy, relationships, food and feeding become intertwined. Think about it: Baby cries and baby gets fed. Someone has to do that feeding, and that someone is usually holding the baby and relating to him or her. So, from our earliest memories, food and being fed is one of our first ways of connecting to one another. As we grow and develop, social events often revolve around mealtimes; whether it is family dinner or a social gathering with friends, we are enjoying the nurturing that food and company can provide.
With the eating-disordered population, however, the connection between... Read More
November 22nd, 2010 |
I have two very different teenage clients who use drugs. The first we'll call Brittany, a seventeen year old girl whose parents are divorced but who both are kind and available to her. She gets good grades, hopes to become a marine biologist and smokes weed with friends on the weekends. The second we'll call Brett, a sixteen-year-old boy whose now-estranged father had been physically abusive to him and to his mother when Brett was small. His mother sees her husband in the boy and treats him erratically, sometimes with love, sometimes with harsh criticism. Brett smokes weed everyday, sometimes... Read More
October 29th, 2010 |
Shirking duties was guaranteed to get Ezra angry
With a heaving chest and throbbing temples, Ezra clenched his jaws in anger when he found that the vegetables at the restaurant were unprepared. It was bad enough that local farmers had not supplied the eggplant he ordered for his signature dish. To find that Danny, his deputy hadn’t trimmed the artichokes was unbelievable. Anger turned to rage as Ezra started to cut away at the artichokes imagining punishing Danny with each knife stroke.
Danny arrived ten minutes later and was greeted with a scathing attack, questioning his judgment, and... Read More
October 25th, 2010 |
So often when the topic of Sexual Addiction comes up, the primary focus is on the sex addict, the symptoms and causes of sex addiction, and the journey to freedom from sexual addiction. While this is certainly a much needed focal point, something very important often gets overlooked and that is the effect sexual betrayal has on the spouse of the sex addict! Can you imagine waking up one day to find the world and spouse you thought was one thing but then realize that it is not only completely different, but that you have been betrayed! Certainly there are times when a spouse suspects or feels... Read More
October 7th, 2010 |
Sometimes, when people experience a terrible loss, especially if it’s a traumatic loss, they make a life-changing decision in the middle of the intense emotional pain, often without even realizing it or remembering it. This decision can potentially affect them for the rest of their lives, and can cause chronic depression. People do this as a way of coping with the loss. In the shock of loss, people focus very narrowly on getting through each excruciating moment. Thoughts like “I’ll never love again” or I’ll never trust again” seem at the time like ways to avoid ever feeling this... Read More
September 24th, 2010 |
How does growing up in a dysfunctional family affect us as adults? The same behaviors and beliefs that we thought enabled us to survive as children cause us a myriad of problems in adulthood. These are so ingrained and automatic that we do them without even realizing it. Changing any of these behaviors provokes anxiety and fear in us, because we think they were a lifeline. In adulthood, they become an albatross around our necks.
The degree to which we are affected depends on the level of dysfunction in the sicker parent, and the other parent’s ability or inability to protect us. Some addicts... Read More
