Is Your Body Totally Happy With Your Career Success?
November 4th, 2009 |
By Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D., Body-Mind Psychotherapy Topic Expert Contributor
Click here to contact Jeanette and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
Achieving her goals was a bit too easy for Nadine.
Thirty-five year old writer and director Nadine got three clients as soon as she put the word out about her new venture as an acting coach. Her script for a TV show was accepted and she was hired to direct the production. She was amazed at how quickly and effortlessly everything was falling into place.
Nadine’s dreams were about to come true. Her talents were prized and she felt giddy with excitement. Expressing her creativity felt authentic but scary. She dared to imagine being famous. She dared to imagine herself happily married with a family. She dared to imagine having it all.
Acid Reflux and puffy eyes ruin Nadine’s new found success.
The only fly in the ointment was the continuous acid reflux, swollen ankles and puffy eyes. She was eating a healthy diet, had good energy and felt accomplished. Why would her body be reacting in this manner?
As soon as Nadine pictured success and happiness she felt the acid reflux in her mouth. The images weren’t all good. She saw her father leaving the family when she was three years old. She saw her mother leaving her alone for hours at a time to fend for herself. She heard her parents voices fighting about whose turn it was to take her, and never once considering her feelings. She recalled having to be the grown up and comfort her mother who was always in a state of panic. She smelled and tasted the fear of being banished from the love of family if she dared speak up about her feelings and wishes.
When things went well in her external world, Nadine’s body went into action big time. Her ankles became heavy with fluid making her feel lethargic. The puffy eyes made her feel ugly. How could she coach, direct and be in the public eye feeling so lousy and looking so freaky? Her excitement and energy turned into a sense of futility and failure. Feeling ugly and sick was a good reason for not hiring a cast and finishing the script changes. Putting off her coaching was necessary because she couldn’t stand for long with the swollen ankles.
Should Nadine go with her success or fail and get sweet revenge?
Success would mean letting her parents get away with treating her badly. It would mean taking them off the hook. Worst of all it would suggest that what they did wasn’t that bad because her life turned out good. Climbing the achievement ladder would mean her parents wouldn’t have to pay for the damage they did to her as a kid. Making a name for herself would mean she would have to give up her vengeful thoughts and her wish to punish them. She wanted them to suffer and own their part in her childhood suffering. Success would rob her of her entitlement to demand an acknowledgement of their wrong doings, punish them and expect restitution.
Swollen ankles put a stop to continued success.
Thank goodness her body put the brakes on her fast track to success! If fame and fortune could be this quick and easy, she would have to take her parents off the ‘blame hook’ for good. Nadine wasn’t ready to do that. She needed more time as a failure to rub their faces in it. She wanted to prove them bad people even if it meant her demise. Her body came to the rescue and gave her ample reason to halt her progress. Her physical symptoms acted as a protector of her strong and powerful desire to make her parents pay for what they did. It was worth the price.
How should Nadine deal with her conflicting wishes?
While Nadine’s body may protect her vengefulness and boost her sense of power, it acts as a saboteur for her future fulfillment. The war being fought between Nadine’s healthy wish to grow and her need to fail is being won by the saboteur. The saboteur comes disguised in the form of puffy eyes, swollen ankles and acid reflux, to make her roll back her development.
Nadine has a good chance of making a truce with her two battling factions. She can ask herself some important questions that can help her choose and stay on the path to success:
How long am I prepared to wait for a sign of atonement from my parents?
What sign will I accept?
Will any sign be enough?
Am I prepared to destroy my talents for the remote possibility that my parents may own up to their failures?
How will I feel in 10 or 15 years when I am still alone and envying my friends watching their children grow up?
What if it’s too late to make a life for myself if and when my parents admit their mistakes?
Calling a truce and choosing fulfillment will make Natalie’s body behave itself.
Let’s assume that Nadine doesn’t want to sacrifice her future in the faint hope that her parents will atone. Once she opts for success and fulfillment her body will be released from acting as the proxy for that vengeful part of her psyche. Giving herself permission to flourish and thrive will create an emotional calm and that in turn will create a physical balance. At that time Nadine can begin working on telling her parents about the hurt and anger she has stored up for so long and begin the process of living a full life without having to pardon or forget.
©Copyright 2009 by Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Jeanette and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
6 comments so far
This is really a very difficult situation to make for anybody in that situation and position. And yes, I have been through such situations myself. Maybe not as stressful and tough, but I have surely been through conflicting thoughts arising from my own self.
Thanks for your comment Harold. Deep emotional conflicts are very tough as you suggest and that’s why your body plays up. It is kind of saying that the conflict is making you sick. It is a huge sign that you aren’t able to manage it alone and it’s time to get some professional help. Digesting the stuff that keeps the conflict alive eases the burden and shows you a pathway out of the mess. One place to do that is in therapy with a skilled professional who you are comfortable with.
Sometimes the body is more intuitive that what we choose to believe. we just have to do a better job at listening to those internal signals to find out the things that are going to be good for us in life. Even though you may achieve something that you may think that you have always wanted it may not necessarily be the right thing for you, or maybe just not the right time, and we need to pay more attention to those cues that could be giving us the messages that we so desperately need to clue into.
Interesting article…although I had not read about something like this before, I have sometimes felt the way described here…didn’t quite know, but now when I reflect back, I feel I have experienced it too.
I dont know if i’m the only one but this actually sounds weird to me! i mean, why would my body not be happy with my own success…?
On the other hand, there might well be complex reactions and things that happen with our body,which i don’t know or understand about… anyway, it has been an education reading this article, something very new to me.
Thanks for your comments Kennedy. I can understand your confusion if the idea that your body could have feelings and start acting out is new to you.
When we have deep personal conflicts that are difficult to resolve, it becomes overwhelming and virtually impossible to live with this duality inside us. Often we hold onto one side of the conflict with our conscious minds and awareness, and our bodies become the receptacle for the other side.
In the article I wrote Nadine was reminded by her body that if she became very successful she would have something very important to loose. It reminded her that she was only focusing on one part of her desires and forgetting that she had others that were in conflict. By making her feel heavy and ugly her body brought her back to the middle of the two sides of her conflict, so she couldn’t be disloyal to one or the other. It was a wake up call that she really needs to deal with this dilemma.
Our bodies speak for us when we become overwhelmed with emotion and never had the chance to speak of it early in life. That’s when our bodies connect us back with our feelings. It acts as a proxy until you are ready to deal with the issues that have overwhelmed you.
I hope this is of some help in understanding the concept.