Comments on: Ambivalence in Relationships http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ambivalence-in-relationships/ Exploring Healthy Psychotherapy Fri, 10 Feb 2012 01:06:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Sean Johnson http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-47591 Sean Johnson Wed, 01 Jun 2011 23:56:03 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/10/09/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-47591 This article is very good. It has made many things clear to me. But I am still a little confused on how I can treat ambivalence in my relationship. This article is very good. It has made many things clear to me. But I am still a little confused on how I can treat ambivalence in my relationship.

]]> By: Hillary http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-33527 Hillary Thu, 24 Jun 2010 23:54:14 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/10/09/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-33527 I googled "am i ambivalent?" after my therapist suggested my ex was ambivalent. I questioned her choice of words because I thought of it more like indifference. Like it meant he didn't care one way or the other. I saw it as more of a hot n' cold thing. I pull away and show the side of myself I've always EXPRESSED: Independant, indifferent, strong, defiant- often with-holding affection and sharing of feelings. This would result in him being the one to express fears, inner most thoughts, love, jealousy, more attention/affection... etc. Basically everything I wanted from him before that I wasn't getting so I stopped trying/hoping and POOF - Mr. Perfect shows up. I do not allow myself to connect emotionally with men. I have no problem getting over a guy that I have a physical connection with. Often it just takes a few days. They may have thought there was more there, but I didn't feel anything for them. My ex and I broke up and got together so often that it seemed like it would either NEVER work, or NEVER end. My relationship before that was pretty much the same but MUCH worse. I still hold many emotional scars from that trainwreck. I guess I just wonder what the way out of this is? My therapist says this ambivalent relationship will continue until I make the decision to end it. I have done that MANY times, only to have a change of heart when they try to come back.. Why would I take them back if I broke up with them because I couldn't trust them in the first place? Is leaving this person and never seeing them again, never trying to talk to them again, the best alternative? Would you classify an ambivalent relationship as "toxic"? How does one deal with their own ambivalence due to a fear of intimacy? I fear I won't be able to have a healthy relationship with anyone until I figure that out... I googled “am i ambivalent?” after my therapist suggested my ex was ambivalent. I questioned her choice of words because I thought of it more like indifference. Like it meant he didn’t care one way or the other. I saw it as more of a hot n’ cold thing. I pull away and show the side of myself I’ve always EXPRESSED: Independant, indifferent, strong, defiant- often with-holding affection and sharing of feelings.

This would result in him being the one to express fears, inner most thoughts, love, jealousy, more attention/affection… etc.
Basically everything I wanted from him before that I wasn’t getting so I stopped trying/hoping and POOF – Mr. Perfect shows up.

I do not allow myself to connect emotionally with men. I have no problem getting over a guy that I have a physical connection with. Often it just takes a few days. They may have thought there was more there, but I didn’t feel anything for them. My ex and I broke up and got together so often that it seemed like it would either NEVER work, or NEVER end. My relationship before that was pretty much the same but MUCH worse. I still hold many emotional scars from that trainwreck. I guess I just wonder what the way out of this is? My therapist says this ambivalent relationship will continue until I make the decision to end it. I have done that MANY times, only to have a change of heart when they try to come back.. Why would I take them back if I broke up with them because I couldn’t trust them in the first place? Is leaving this person and never seeing them again, never trying to talk to them again, the best alternative? Would you classify an ambivalent relationship as “toxic”?
How does one deal with their own ambivalence due to a fear of intimacy? I fear I won’t be able to have a healthy relationship with anyone until I figure that out…

]]> By: Chana http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-32955 Chana Thu, 10 Jun 2010 20:53:41 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/10/09/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-32955 I read the article and it was like a balm on a wound for me. Thank you. I feel quite ambivalent in my relationships (always), and I notice it is when I am actually present and feel close to someone. Currently, I am experiencing this in my relationship with my therapist, as I am the one pulling and wanting to pull away. Out of sheer desire to be completely honest, I share these raw feelings... and it hurts me to see how this honesty affects others... for the look of moist eyes and the tightness of body parts protecting the frame and heart always feel cold and confusing to me. I have no idea what to do, but to continue trying to resolve this seemingly on my own... In hearing the voice of this article, I felt like someone out there was (for a brief moment) accepting me and connecting with me... and this was an absolute RELIEF and healing, even if it was brief... Thank you. -Chana I read the article and it was like a balm on a wound for me. Thank you.

I feel quite ambivalent in my relationships (always), and I notice it is when I am actually present and feel close to someone. Currently, I am experiencing this in my relationship with my therapist, as I am the one pulling and wanting to pull away. Out of sheer desire to be completely honest, I share these raw feelings… and it hurts me to see how this honesty affects others… for the look of moist eyes and the tightness of body parts protecting the frame and heart always feel cold and confusing to me.

I have no idea what to do, but to continue trying to resolve this seemingly on my own…

In hearing the voice of this article, I felt like someone out there was (for a brief moment) accepting me and connecting with me… and this was an absolute RELIEF and healing, even if it was brief…

Thank you.

-Chana

]]> By: No Name http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-27529 No Name Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:39:26 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/10/09/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-27529 This is one of the best articles I've read in a long time!!! WOW!! This is one of the best articles I’ve read in a long time!!! WOW!!

]]> By: Couples Retreat http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-23536 Couples Retreat Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:27:10 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/10/09/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-23536 I think you hit on a lot of good things in this article. I think you hit on a lot of good things in this article.

]]> By: Therapist Hewitt http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-5469 Therapist Hewitt Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:26:33 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/10/09/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-5469 Maybe the author is referring to ambivalence between two people rather than within one part of the relationship. One part of the couple wants to continue the relationship while the other is considering terminating it. I like how the author draws the conclusion that being ambivalent in a relationship does not allow someone to feel “mastery over their world.” I think that it is important to recognize that sometimes it is a state of being such as ambivalence rather than the other person in the relationship that creates that feeling of lack of power. Of course, sometimes it is the other person. But, it's good to look at this side as well. Maybe the author is referring to ambivalence between two people rather than within one part of the relationship. One part of the couple wants to continue the relationship while the other is considering terminating it. I like how the author draws the conclusion that being ambivalent in a relationship does not allow someone to feel “mastery over their world.” I think that it is important to recognize that sometimes it is a state of being such as ambivalence rather than the other person in the relationship that creates that feeling of lack of power. Of course, sometimes it is the other person. But, it’s good to look at this side as well.

]]> By: Therapist Great Neck http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-5443 Therapist Great Neck Wed, 12 Dec 2007 17:10:50 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/10/09/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-5443 Maybe you are confusing ambivalence for disinterest. I think in this case ambivalence is more of an inability to commit to going in one particular direction with a relationship. It may be that ambivalence is referring to not being able to decide if you want to stay in the relationship or not. The author certainly illustrates how easy it is for a relationship to be soured and, really, ruined by ambivalence. Maybe you are confusing ambivalence for disinterest. I think in this case ambivalence is more of an inability to commit to going in one particular direction with a relationship. It may be that ambivalence is referring to not being able to decide if you want to stay in the relationship or not. The author certainly illustrates how easy it is for a relationship to be soured and, really, ruined by ambivalence.

]]> By: Therapist Fresno http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-5405 Therapist Fresno Tue, 11 Dec 2007 21:25:11 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/custom/blog/2007/10/09/ambivalence-in-relationships/#comment-5405 Is it possible that ambivalence develops in a simpler way? Maybe ambivalence develops when people don't communicate and continually go in different directions for a variety of reasons including career and raising children. I like how the author develops the connection between ambivalence and how it can cause panic in a relationship. Feeling one partner pull away can certainly cause feelings of uneasiness and immediacy in the other partner. Is it possible that ambivalence develops in a simpler way? Maybe ambivalence develops when people don’t communicate and continually go in different directions for a variety of reasons including career and raising children. I like how the author develops the connection between ambivalence and how it can cause panic in a relationship. Feeling one partner pull away can certainly cause feelings of uneasiness and immediacy in the other partner.

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