9 Ways to Make Your Psychotherapy Sessions More Effective

A therapist and a person in therapyAt the beginning of therapy, many people are curious about what they need to do to make therapy work for them. They know that they will have to work in therapy to make it effective, but they often don’t know what that entails. Unfortunately, the unknowns of therapy cause some to feel that they’re just wandering and not making progress, or it causes them to leave therapy before they get to experience all the wonderful benefits. On a different end of the spectrum, these circumstances can also cause a person to stay in therapy too long and still not reap the rewards of good psychotherapy.

Getting the most out of therapy requires an alternation of spontaneity and focused reflection. It’s important to let your feelings and thoughts flow freely, but it’s also important to slow down, step back, and reflect on what those thoughts and feelings tell you. There are many ways and many areas of your own self-exploration in which you can practice this. While the content of your therapy sessions will be unique, I’d like to offer some additional guidance I’ve picked up from people who seem to get a great deal out of their therapy sessions:

  • Bring all of the different parts of your personality into your session. There may be a frightened and vulnerable child who needs to come in and cry, a micromanager who wants to tell the therapist what to do, a demon filled with hate, or an angel too sensitive for the real world. We all have many different parts to our personalities; some we’d like to hide, and some that are the only parts we’d like to show. Notice what you’d like to leave at the door and instead bring it in, either by showing it to your therapist or by telling him or her about it. Then, reflect on why you feel you’ve needed to deny this part, and what it may have to offer you if it could be included mindfully.
  • Bring all of your emotions into your sessions. Your tears, your anger, your fear, your shame, and your delight—bring them all. Notice which ones you try to avoid, and welcome them all in as much as possible. Be willing to step back, contain them, and be curious about them without letting your emotions get out of control. In therapy, we exercise the capacity to have an emotion without it having us.
  • Try to keep the focus on yourself. It certainly feels good to be able to blow off steam about what others have done wrong. A little venting can go a long way, and your therapist’s empathy, at this point, is indispensable. Eventually, though, you’ll need to step back and ask how you can think about the situation differently and how you can respond to it differently. When you focus within, you’ll find a lot of resources to make the changes you want and be much more empowered to make them.
  • Forge an authentic connection with your therapist. Research tells us that the connection between a Please don’t feel you have use all of these suggestions, or that these are rigid rules that you must follow. It may take time to develop the ability to use these, and that’s OK.therapist and a person in therapy is profoundly important for change. But, as with all relationships, a good therapeutic relationship is made rather than simply found. To accomplish this, be direct with your therapist.No therapist is perfect. What is your therapist doing that works and doesn’t work? Is he or she leaving things out that you had hoped would be part of your work together? Do you find him or her cold? Intrusive? Not challenging enough? Too challenging? Do you worry that you like the therapist too much or that you depend on him or her too much? Say so.This sort of direct communication not only helps your therapist help you, it also helps you get comfortable with parts of yourself that you usually hide. A core principle of therapy is that it’s the relationship that heals. But you can’t just show up; you need to open up, too.
  • Be very curious about why you are the way you are, and don’t judge yourself for what you find out. We’ve all adopted strategies for getting along in life; some help and some hinder. What are your strategies? Why have you developed them, and what do you get out of them? Some people, for instance, realize that they amplify their anxiety in order to get help from others because that’s the only way they were heard when they were young. Once you identify your strategy, don’t judge it. Have compassion for yourself. Self-acceptance is indispensable for therapeutic progress.
  • Take responsibility for your behavior, but not for things that are out of your control. There is a huge price to pay for imagining that you can control things you can’t. Depression and anxiety are two mental health conditions that often arise from this dilemma. On the other hand, if you spend your therapy sessions blaming other people for how you live now, your progress will be slow to nonexistent.
  • Use your sessions to identify themes and patterns in your life. Therapy is most effective when we connect the dots between events and understand how our personalities and our responses affect our well-being. Search for a deeper understanding of how you operate in different circumstances and it will serve you once you stop attending sessions and navigate the world on your own. Your therapist will help you recognize themes and patterns that underlie the events you discuss in session, but you don’t need to wait for your therapist to do this.
  • Continue your work outside of session. Once you’ve made progress in some of these areas, it’s time to take the show on the road and apply what you’ve learned in therapy to your world. This can take the form of specific assignments you want to take on, such as going to the admissions counselor at a community college to find out what you need to do to start a degree. Or it can take the form of more general intentions about how you want to behave going forward, such as an intention to not avoid situations that make you anxious. Also, meditation, exercise, support groups, community, and creative work can all help you to actualize the change you’ve been discussing in your sessions.
  • Use your challenges—even the small ones—as opportunities for growth. Once you know what your triggers are, welcome these situations as opportunities to respond differently. This is an attitude that often develops without conscious effort in therapy as we bring in the most challenging situations from our lives each week. But if you can begin to do this in a more conscious way, your difficulties will be less painful, and you are more likely to grow as a result of them.

Use of even a few of these points can help you not only overcome symptoms, but it can also help you develop a fuller, more satisfying life. Please don’t feel you have use all of these suggestions, or that these are rigid rules that you must follow. It may take time to develop the ability to use these, and that’s OK. It is the exercise of them that makes therapy so potentially powerful. Many people have entered therapy to fix a specific problem and leave treatment with a more balanced personality and more fulfilling approach to life. If you are using these suggestions, rest assured that your work in therapy will bear fruit.

I’m always curious as to what others have done to make their therapy effective. Please leave a comment and let me and other readers know how you get the most out of your therapy.

© Copyright 2015 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Gary S. Trosclair, LCSW, DMA, therapist in New York City, New York

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

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  • Mike

    July 5th, 2015 at 11:52 PM

    Good ideas, but I couldn’t have done any of them when I started therapy. These presume pretty advanced capabilities on the client. I’ve put quite a few of them into practice now, many years later, with the help of my therapist.

  • Becki

    July 6th, 2015 at 6:40 AM

    You have to be willing to do the work that is needed beyond the 45 minutes of your session. There are going to be things that your therapist will ask you to work on even you are not in their office, and you have to be willing to commit to doing those little things. It can be small, it can be big, but to get the most benefit out of those sessions and make the most of those lessons in your daily life, you have to be willing to work on it at all times.

  • Gary Trosclair, LCSW

    Gary Trosclair, LCSW

    July 6th, 2015 at 9:10 AM

    I think Mike’s comment is a good one, and would like to have mentioned that in the post as I did in my book. These are all tools to be developed over time, and I hope that no one would feel they should be able to use them all at the beginning. Some will find some tools easier to begin with, and develop others over time. That’s fine.

  • Mike

    July 6th, 2015 at 11:00 AM

    Thanks, Gary. I should have mentioned I started therapy in the middle of a crisis that arose from early childhood abuse and neglect, and I don’t really know what it’s like for the average therapy client. My goal now is to become a therapist someday so I may find myself working with people on these issues.

  • Colton

    July 6th, 2015 at 12:06 PM

    These are all so important for having the most success from your therapy visits.

  • Sanders

    July 7th, 2015 at 8:17 AM

    When you go into therapy you must be willing to place all your cards on the table and put it all out there.
    If you choose to withhold information then how are you ever supposed to get well?

  • amanda

    July 8th, 2015 at 7:27 AM

    I think that there are times we have all gone in with unrealistic expectations about what this would be like.
    We want to have this instant connection with someone and these things have to take a little time to be nurtured and grown, it may not happen at the very first appointment.
    But I think that the longer you commit to the process the better that connection will become.

  • Cora

    July 10th, 2015 at 7:10 AM

    I love the suggestion about bringing all of your emotions to the session with you.
    I think that for a lot of us we have spent so much time trying to hide those emotions and feelings that this can be a hard turnaround for us. We have to work even harder to do something that is different in many ways from how we have been behaving all of this time.
    It has almost become second nature to hide the pain, but to put it all out on the table?
    Now that takes work!

  • Kyler Brown

    January 18th, 2016 at 8:12 AM

    I recently started going to psychotherapy sessions for some personal problems. I’m glad that I read this, and I really like the advice to bring all of the different parts of your personality into your session. I think that this will really these sessions go more smoothly. Thanks for the information.

  • Gary Trosclair, LCSW

    Gary Trosclair, LCSW

    January 18th, 2016 at 3:24 PM

    Thanks for the comment, Kyler. I’m very pleased to hear that the post was helpful.

  • Jeff

    March 28th, 2016 at 8:34 AM

    Thanks for the helpful information on how to make psychotherapy more effective. I like what you said about forging a connection with the therapist. I think that the closer you are to the therapist, the more comfortable you will be with having them help you. I also like what you said about how you should be really curious about why you are the way you are. I think that it can be extremely helpful if done right .Thanks for the help!

  • Gary Trosclair

    Gary Trosclair

    March 28th, 2016 at 1:56 PM

    Thanks Jeff. There’s a lot more in my book that you might find interesting “I’m working on in therapy how to get the most out of psychotherapy”

  • Teresa w

    January 6th, 2017 at 8:48 AM

    Great content,thanks for sharing. Picked up some good and valuable insight.

  • Theo

    June 8th, 2017 at 12:57 AM

    Thanks for the post, I am due for my first session in an hour and really not sure what to expect.

  • Braden B.

    June 9th, 2017 at 7:04 AM

    It’s interesting that you can benefit from psychotherapy. I’ve been needing some help with things, so I’m going to try and see if I can get a meeting with a psychotherapist. I’ll be sure to bring out all my emotions, since they need to know that in order to help me.

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