By Gary Toub, Ph.D.

Click here to contact Gary and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

It is not uncommon for couples to encounter serious problems after marriage. It starts out positively enough. The excitement of initial romantic attraction is powerful. There are hopes and dreams of having a lifelong partner or soul mate, someone who embodies everything we have yearned for: happiness, fulfillment, completion. Someone who loves us and for us to love. A friend, companion, soul mate, and lover. Someone with whom to raise a family. Someone with whom to share experiences. Someone to give our life stability, direction, and meaning. Someone for whom we can care and who will likewise care for us. These are just some of the powerful desires that compel us toward marriage.

So what happens? Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org News Update

Whether due to age, ailment, or lack of normal use and training, many people in modern times experience problems with memory. When such problems interfere with daily functioning, and especially with social interactions, the results can take a heavy toll on outlook and self-understanding, possibly contributing to depressive or anxious thoughts. But while not all lapses in memory lead to such unfortunate consequences, they aren’t exactly positive occurrences, by any measure. As such, the quest to understanding human memory on a deeper level than previously explored is of great import for the field of psychology. To this end, a team comprised of researchers and academics from the Université Toulouse and the Université de Bordeaux have created and published an investigative study of neuron operation in memory functions, available in the recent issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Read the rest of this entry

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Phoenix Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

A GoodTherapy.org News Update

The United States experiences a significant number of self-inflicted deaths each year. In 2004, suicide was the eleventh leading cause of death in the U.S., accounting for 32,439 deaths. Especially troublesome is the number of young adults who attempt suicide in conjunction with symptoms of depression. In 2004, suicide was the third leading cause of death for children, teens and young adults ages 10 to 24. While treatments vary, with some mental health professionals opting for prescription medications and others relying more upon the strength of intensive psychotherapy or residential treatment, the desire to understand how such thoughts and tendencies are formed remains universal. For with greater understanding of the roots of such ideas and behaviors comes the chance to discover and employ preventive measures to help spare youths from the psychological hardships of suicidal ideation.

The American Association of Suicidology, with members spanning from mental health professionals to leading academics and researchers, was founded precisely for this reason. The association has held its annual meeting on April the 17th, and has proved an enlightening and productive medium for the presentation of new studies and ideas, as well as open discussion and networking. Read the rest of this entry

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Washington, DC Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

By Gary Seeman, Ph.D.

Click here to contact Gary and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

When people begin psychotherapy, they often ask what they can do to get the best results. In this article, I answer some of the questions I often hear and offer some tips I hope you’ll find useful for making your therapy a success. For those who are new to therapy, this article provides a general understanding. Those who have had therapy before may find additional understanding here about what worked or didn’t work in their earlier experience. If you’re very familiar with the therapy process, this article touches on some of its subtleties.

To get the best results, it’s helpful to follow a few basic principles: Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org News Update

Mental health care in many parts of the world, including the United States, enjoys a professional freedom capable of growing and helping clients thrive, safe in the knowledge that their information is confidential, and that their choice to seek therapy –and a specific therapist– is their own. Yet some places do not enjoy such freedoms, or, at least, such freedoms are threatened. It may seem peculiar that one such nation is the United Kingdom, as it is usually associated with modern regulation and thought in terms of the medical and professional fields. However, lawmakers there are considering the construction and passage of a measure which would fundamentally change the nature of psychology and psychiatry as the modern English-speaking world knows the subjects.

The measure would place control of mental health practices in the hands of the State, assigning clients to professionals who qualify based on a battery of standardized protocols and plans of action for sessions. Published Thursday in the national newspaper The Guardian, a letter drafted by a group of concerned professionals and associates strongly warns against the consequences of such a measure. Standardizing therapy sessions, the group argues, undermines the essential individuality and creativity of psychotherapy, allowing no room for personal care or adaptation. The letter describes a scenario in which clients are treated as cookie-cutter cases, and therapy itself is understood as a static process with identical, predictable results across the board.

The letter offers a space for professionals and concerned parties in the UK to sign their name to the statement, which they hope will send the message to lawmakers that psychotherapy is largely dependent upon the creation of a workable and meaningful client-therapist relationship.

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Laguna Beach Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

By Sherry Gaba, LCSW

Click here to contact Sherry and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Remember that famous quote from Varuca Salt in “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”. That reminded me of how we all feel sometimes when we don’t get what we want and are thrown into reality once again that things don’t always come how or when we want it. There is a force at work greater than ourselves and what we may hope for may present itself or not, but if it does, it is not exactly always in the form we want it to appear and usually when we least likely expect it.

This month’s challenges for me got me thinking about Varuca Salt. It also reminded me of my father’s famous quote, although I don’t know if he made it up or not….”Sherry,” he would say, when I would be disappointed about not getting something I desperately wanted, “Expect for the worst, hope for the best, and you will end up somewhere in the middle.” Now, that seems reasonable, doesn’t it or does it? It certainly doesn’t go along with the whole law of attraction principal that whatever we think, we will attract. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org News Update

Many therapists take great pains to make their clients feel comfortable during sessions at their private practice. From conscientious furniture selections –including the ever-classical couch– to calming hues and interesting artistic focal points, the mental health professional’s office has long been the subject of concerted effort and study. Yet a new trend among psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers alike has taken the concept of making clients comfortable to a whole new level, and has tapped into the body-mind connection in a way that proves full of opportunity. Yoga therapy, as the practice is being called, incorporates the popular Indian tradition of yoga with traditional therapies, such as cognitive behavioral and psychodynamic psychotherapy.

With a plethora of easy introductory poses, yoga enables clients to incorporate their physical awareness with the mental benefits of a therapy session. Helping to stretch and relax the muscles, poses can prove grounding for many with stressful tendencies, calming for those experiencing anxiety, or comfort and clarity for clients with depressive symptoms. The unique breathing exercises associated with yoga are also likely very beneficial for clients suffering from a range of issues, and can help open and sustain a session while promoting calm, openness, and the therapist-client relationship.

Dr. Elizabeth Visceglia, a practicing psychiatrist in New York City, has been developing yoga therapy for her clients for a while, and is in the process of drawing conclusions from an academic study aimed at assessing the precise benefits of the technique. She suspects, in particular, that yoga therapy may be a large step forward for those with schizophrenia. Her hope for the success of the treatment is echoed in the growing popularity of yoga therapy, which is being adopted by both mental health professionals and by yoga enthusiasts with an interest in psychology. As the trend continues, many professionals may find their couches replaced by a simple yoga mat.

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Allen Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

By Susanne M. Dillmann, Psy.D.

Click here to contact Susanne and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Most people find their reactions to traumatic experiences to be confusing; they often feel that they are no longer themselves, but rather a bizarre and ‘crazy’ person . When you know what the common reactions to trauma are, you will be able to identify which of your behaviors are linked to your traumatic experience(s). This identification will allow the feelings of ‘craziness’, isolation and overwhelm to dissipate. In addition, you will gain some control over the behavior, which ultimately will allow you to change the behavior. How to go about changing these common trauma reactions is not the focus of this article. I encourage you to work on these issues with your individual therapist.

There are four common categories of trauma reactions: intrusive and arousal reactions as well as avoidance and the catch-all “other” category. This article will look at the first two of these categories. Intrusive and arousal reactions are both examples of your body getting stuck on ‘red-alert’. The body’s emergency response system does not turn off and, “The smallest reminder of something remotely associated with the [traumatic] event can set off a dramatic response” (Herbert & Wetmore, p. 18). Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org News Update

For many people of all vocations and backgrounds, times have been considerably tough for the past few years. Major changes in terms of financial life along with a rapidly growing and changing world have created a fair amount of turmoil, and those in both developed and emerging nations have been feeling the pinch. Yet perhaps closest to the front lines of change, especially when change takes a violent turn, there exists a group of people whose experience of day to day difficulty puts them in an entirely different class. Soldiers at war are exposed to some of the most stressful and harrowing experiences modern life has to offer, and many are finding the burden too difficult to bear.

There’s no denying that soldier suicide is a critical issue; it was recently revealed that in January, more soldiers died by their own hands than in the course of combat. An incredible fact that seems on the edge of possibility, this problem belies the need for meaningful and rapid understanding on the part of armed forces administrators and leaders, and for effective prevention programs as well. Accordingly, the US Department of Defense today announced the appointment of David Rudd, Psychology Chair at Texas Tech University, to a study that will test psychological treatments for suicidal veterans.

The study, set to begin in September, has been allocated nearly two million dollars’ of funding and will focus on cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. Aiming to reflect and seamlessly work with the structure and demands of military life, the study will incorporate a relatively short three-month treatment period, and determine whether a customized, scalable program can help soldiers keep suicidal thoughts and feelings at bay, for both mental health and the ability to remain in service.

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Fort Collins Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

By Terry Tempinski, Ph.D.

Click here to contact Terry and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

One of the things I continue to be impressed with despite my 30 years of practice is how harsh we are toward ourselves when we are struggling in some way emotionally. It is really striking when you stop to think about it. Our response to our struggles is much kinder and wiser when we encounter physical problems. When we have a toothache, we swiftly get ourselves in to see the dentist. A bad cold? We try to get some antibiotics, drink fluids, and lay low. But depressed? Oh my!?!

I am well aware that no one goes to see a psychologist without many months of trying to overcome whatever is bothering them. This makes sense; we all try to forage ahead when the going gets tough. But unfortunately, when things do not improve, we are often not our own best friend. Here are some examples of the things I hear again and again:

I really have no reason to be depressed.
The reasons for my unhappiness are not going to change, so how can I feel any better?
Others have problems way worse than mine.
How can psychotherapy help anyway?
Therapy is for those who have failed and are weak.

Please understand, I am not criticizing….I want to share with you our inclination to mercilessly beat ourselves up when we most need kindness and empathy! It’s bad enough struggling with depression or anxiety, without having to deal with the assaults we often make on ourselves about the fact of these symptoms.

The truth is that depression without cause does not exist. Read the rest of this entry

By Jennifer Lehr, MA, MFT

Click here to contact Jennifer and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Most of us want to feel connected, loved and safe in a relationship, but building a relationship that works requires a number of abilities. Building a relationship requires building trust. It requires an attitude of kindness and curiosity towards our partner. It requires looking at our relationship as an adventure, rather than a problem or chore. And it requires being vulnerable: sharing who we are with our partner.

We often want to be listened to by our partners, but can we also listen to them? One thing that makes therapy beneficial is that the therapist is a professional, trained not only in psychology, but also in listening. As we are listened to, and validated, we feel affirmed and understood. For example, if my partner says to me, “it really hurt me when you made plans without asking me how I felt about them.” I would respond not by arguing and saying, “I thought you were busy,” etc. but instead would say, “It really hurt your feelings when I made plans without considering what you might want.” “Do you want to tell me more?”

In relationships, each person lives in a different world. We will never live in the same world; never have the same past, the exact same experience or way of understanding our lives. We have different wounds and different sensitivities. When we are listened to, we feel less alone. We crave to be listened to without argument or interruption, to simply be heard. One of the things that make a relationship work is when we can listen to our partner, and conversely, our partner can listen to us. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Mary Ellen Barnes, Ph.D. & Ed Wilson, Ph.D., MAC

Click here to contact Mary Ellen and/or see her Profile
Click here to contact Ed and/or see his Profile

Last year we wrote a free download that we posted on our website entitled “6 Secrets Ex-Drinkers Know That You Don’t, And 12 Step Programs Don’t Want You To Find Out. It’s been popular, though not without controversy. Indeed, one Canadian who described herself as a “Therapist, Counselor, and Alcoholic” declared we were downright dangerous and had to be stopped!

That made us think we needed to get the facts into wider circulation so here’s a newly minted rendition of the first two “Secrets” for you consideration.

We started with the notation that AA/12-Step based programs, 98% of US treatment programs, are based on premises that both research and experience indicate are not only unfounded, but actually prevent you from getting over your problems and leave you with less than a 5% chance of recovery over five years.

Myth #1 - “You’re Powerless”!
What happens if or when you attend your first AA meeting? Shortly after you arrive you sit down and then one of the first things you’ll hear is that you’re powerless over alcohol. And just when you’ve finally taken the initiative to do something about your drinking problem, you’re told you’re powerless. Probably not exactly what you want or need. Read the rest of this entry

By Joan Elyse Schiff MA, LMHC OTR/L

Click here to contact Joan and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

In P. D. Eastman’s children’s book entitled, Are You My Mother?, we are told the story of a baby bird who falls out of his nest while his mother is off hunting. The first thing he does upon falling to earth is to go to search for his mother. The baby bird imagines he sees his Mom everywhere; in a dog, a cow, a cat, etc. At one point during his journey, rather dismayed, he stands his ground and states, “I have a mother. I know I do. I will find her. I will. I will.” The baby bird with no other option in sight is swept up by a “Snort” (a dump truck) and returned to his nest just in time to be gracefully reunited with his mother.

The women I have seen in Motherless Daughters Therapy over the last fourteen years are not this fortunate. They do not live in a story book world where everything is magically made whole. Some have mothers who are/were emotionally absent or even damaging. Others have mothers whose lives were cut short and died during critical developmental times of their daughter’s lives. Like the bird in P.D. Eastman’s story, the women try desperately to find a replacement; “looking for love in all the wrong places,” as the old song goes. By the time they pick up the phone and make the first contact to see me they’ve realized their attempts to seek solace on their own have failed. While they have made valiant attempts to mother themselves, construct their own lives, and become stringently independent; motherless women feel a chronic sense of longing, of something not being quite right. Read the rest of this entry

By Anne Ream ATR-BC, LPC

Click here to contact Anne and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“Opposites attract” is an old quotation that has validity. People are often attracted to a partner whose emotional style differs from their own.

What is an emotional style? Personality can describe emotional style. Introverted or extroverted is one good example. Highly expressive of emotions or highly reserved is another example. Our emotional style is the result of our genetic inheritance and how our parents attached to us when we were infants. Given enough time and appropriate help we can change our emotional style if we choose.

Having an individual emotional style is fine unless a person begins to have difficulty with relationships. Relationships are vital for a fulfilling and healthy life. When an individual has difficulty developing healthy relationships, she could consider what might be going on within themselves that results in this difficulty.

At times, the problem can be the result of two people having very different emotional styles. However, since opposites do attract, it’s important for each partner to ask themselves, “I felt attracted to this person because they were so expressive (or reserved), now I feel disgusted by it, why?” The resulting answer may be to blame the other person and abdicate personal responsibility. Unfortunately blame is often what happens; one partner is perceived as, “the problem,” and that person is selected to go to therapy. Read the rest of this entry

By Barbi Pecenco Kolski, MA

Click here to contact Barbi and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

My major task as a couples therapist is to help establish emotional safety in the relationships of my clients. A brilliant couples therapist named Don Catherall, creator of the Emotional Safety Model, helped me see that emotional safety has to do with three things. First is the belief that your partner accepts you and trusts you and that you accept and trust your partner (I am OK and my partner is OK). The more accepted and valued by your partner you feel, the more you are in the safe zone emotionally because your sense of self is intact. However, if you feel that your partner believes something negative about you, your sense of self may suffer and you will feel emotionally unsafe. The same goes for your partner. If you think something negative about him or her, their self-esteem will likely suffer as well and they will feel emotionally unsafe with you.

The second thing you need is good self-esteem (I am OK). If you feel that you are lovable and adequate, your self-esteem will generally be pretty high and you will feel entitled to receiving love and care in your relationship. If you don’t feel good about yourself you will be wondering how your partner could possibly care about you. Both you and the relationship will feel insecure, which will lead to you feeling emotionally unsafe a majority of the time, which contributes to a lot of arguments and/or a lack of intimacy. Read the rest of this entry

By Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D.

Click here to contact Lois and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Many adults acknowledge the benefits of having a supportive therapist as they face the inevitable challenges of divorce. But many parents are unsure at what point their child may be exhibiting signs that indicate a need for professional counseling. Many of the following indicators are similar to the symptoms adults experience when undergoing severe stress. Please note that the following indicators are not all inclusive and should not be used as an assessment tool to determine whether or not your child is in need of assistance. Evaluating an individual’s need for therapy is best left to a licensed professional.

Sleep disturbances

Some children wake with nightmares or have great difficulty going to sleep, saying they are afraid (of monsters, burglars, ghosts, etc.). Other children may regress to earlier sleeping patterns, such as sleeping with a favorite object, wetting the bed, or sleeping in a parent’s room. Children may also withdraw and hide in sleeping, which is more likely in teenagers and sleep longer hours than usual.

Eating changes

Some children under severe stress have difficulty with appetite. They may find their stomach hurts or feels upset and they may appear more picky than usual or refuse to eat at certain meals. Other children may find solace in food and try to nurture themselves by eating sweets and high fat foods. Both are signs that a child is not addressing directly their feelings of stress, anxiety or possible depression.

School problems

Teachers can often tell when there are problems at home just by observing a child’s behavior at school. A child who was once very social may isolate or even push peers away. Children can become aggressive, exhibiting the interaction styles they have witnessed between their parents.

Withdrawal

Some children withdraw and isolate when they are afraid or upset. When isolating children may be doing things that help them feel better, such as writing, drawing or listening to music. But a child may be feeling alone, left out, frightened and obsessing about how out of control their life feels.
Outbursts of anger or destructive behavior

Children who have been holding in how they feel will let it out at some point. If outbursts of anger (verbal or physical) are modeled by either of the parents, children are more likely to let this anger out in similar ways. Children’s anger and frustration need to be heard, not “fixed” or reasoned away.

Trying hard to get parents to reconcile

It is very normal for children to want their parents back together, but if a child becomes fixated on this activity it can be a sign of severe stress and fear. Some children try to get their parents back together by being exceptionally good so parents won’t fight about them, others will act out to try to get parents to focus on them rather than the separation.

Becoming the “perfect” child or confidant

Some children cope with the stress of a divorce by trying to take the place of the absent parent. They may try to make life easier for a parent, and in return deny their own natural needs as a child. This robs a child of having a healthy childhood and can cause serious problems later on in life.

Coping with a difficult custody battle.

Custody battles can take a grave toll on children. Often they are pulled this way and that and may even be asked by the court with which parent they wish to live. A child entangled in a complicated custody battle can almost always use some outside help and counseling.

While some of these signs may appear for a short period of time and in mild forms during any divorce, if they are present for a significant period of time (weeks or months) it is important for the child to be evaluated by a professional therapist. Children usually feel comfortable with a therapist who specializes in treating children or has children of their own. A therapist working with children should also have supplies on hand to help children feel comfortable sharing their feelings. Some common therapy tools are, drawing materials, such as crayons, markers, colored pencils, puppets, books, sand tray and toys.

Remember it is always appropriate to ask several therapists questions about how they conduct therapy before choosing one for your child. A therapist with experience in working with children should help your child feel comfortable in their office. Both parents and children need extra support when going through the challenges of divorce.

©Copyright 2009 by Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Lois and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

A GoodTherapy.org News Update

Times have been harrowing for professionals in nearly every field of late. As the unemployment rate rises and media attention to the recession shows no signs of taking a break, workers are finding themselves thrust into a financially unhappy situation at larger numbers every day. It’s perfectly understandable that those laid off from their jobs are susceptible to depression, anxiety, and general feelings of woe, especially in cases of lost retirements and difficulty in securing new employment. Yet those who still retain their positions may suffer too — albeit, for slightly different reasons. Read the rest of this entry

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Dallas Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

A GoodTherapy.org News Update

Being sick or injured is a serious drag, as far as popular consensus is concerned, and with good reason: physical and mental capabilities may slow down, pain can become an incessant problem, and the feeling of “missing out” on life are all common components of the negative experience of being sick. Add a hospital stay to the equation, and these issues can easily multiply and take on new and depressing forms. A significant number of hospitalized people experience depression during and/or following their stay, and traditional approaches tend to placate the symptoms with a battery of medications. But in addition to being expensive, sometimes ineffective, and potentially addicting, these medicines may not be the best path to emotional recovery for those in the hospital.

To investigate the efficacy of new approaches, a study published in the current issue of Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics has put family therapy to the test. As many hospital patients feel isolated from the world and can quickly acquire feelings of loneliness, the potential for family therapy to make a positive impact was wisely assessed. The study’s researchers used both single-family and multi-family therapy approaches to determine which kind of sessions had the greatest results.

Incorporating eighty three hospitalized patients, the study provided a portion with multi-family therapy, while assigning others single-family therapy and providing the control group with physician-directed traditional care only (test group subjects received this basic care as well). After a period of fifteen months, patients in the multi-family therapy group showed a forty nine percent treatment responder rate and a twenty six percent drop in the use of anti-depressant medications, compared with twenty four and sixteen percent for the single-family therapy group, and nine and zero percent for the control group.

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Albany Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

By Jason Wasser, LMFT

Click here to contact Jason and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

A few weeks ago, I read that Warren Buffett, one of America’s most influential investors, likened this country’s escalating fiscal woes to “an economic Pearl Harbor”. In my practice, I find that my clients are handling the financial crisis in ways that they never thought they would. Some talked about screaming at their spouses and children, while others talked about drinking to take the edge off at the end of the day. But the majority talked about the depression they are trying to fight. Feeling stuck and overwhelmed, their resources seem limited given all that is going on in the world. And no one ever wants to feel like they are stuck where they don’t want to be. Doing something for themselves can sometimes seem out of the question.

A different Buffett, Jimmy, the musician and savvy businesman once mused, “if life gives you limes, make margaritas”. Inspired by the words of the Mayor of Margaritaville, today I did just that! A close friend of mine and I closed up shop and headed down for a daycation to the Florida Keys to enjoy the therapeutic healing of the water, sun, sand and good conversations with friendly locals. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Judith Barr, MA, LMHC

Click here to contact Judith and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Recently the U.S. backed President of Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai, reportedly signed a law which legalizes the rape of a wife by her husband by not allowing her to refuse sex, and prevents women from leaving the house without a man’s permission. This is a blatant attack on womanhood…and another example of the abuse of power that is rampant in our world. But this abuse is now out in the open, ready, waiting, and even screaming to be healed.

Rape is an act of power and control. The act of rape is often a defense against ancient inner wounds to a man’s relationship with his own mother, and a reaction to the feelings of powerlessness he may have had in childhood. How could a man be willing to treat women like this . . . unless he’s still angry at the first woman in his life, his mother?

And why would we, women and men, stay silent and allow such an act to go unchallenged? This too has its roots in childhood wounding. Healing this vacuum where effective use of power needs to be cannot stop at the here-and-now level. We all, men and women, need to heal our own early wounds around being powerless – with mother and anyone else in our childhood, whether it be a particular person, a family tradition, a cultural norm. Read the rest of this entry