By Ronald G. Nathan, Ph.D.
Click here to contact Ronald and/or see hisGoodTherapy.org Profile
Your husband drinks more, laughs less and has lost interest in hobbies and sports. On edge and irritable, he yells at you and the kids. Or maybe your boyfriend constantly checks up on you and his jealousy frightens you. He needs professional help. What can you do?
The Marlboro Man In Therapy?
Your husband or boyfriend may not be the Marlboro man or come from Mars, but he may believe that therapy is for wusses. After all, men are taught to be tough, self-reliant and never ask for help. This may explain why only one of three outpatient visits to therapists are made by men.
So what’s a loving woman to do? There are no easy answers or one liners you can use. But as a psychologist who has limited his practice to men for the last ten years, I have learned how many women succeed and I think I can guess why others fail.
Ultimatums and Other Strategies
Some men call me in response to an ultimatum: “You get six sessions of therapy or I’m getting a divorce.” Other women have made appointments with marriage counselors that their husbands canceled in favor of a lesser evil. Maybe you’ve tried these approaches. Are you starting to feel that you can lead a horse to water, but you’d better be ready to drown him?
There are probably fifty ways to lead your lover into therapy. You know your man best. Think about what has worked most successfully in the past when you wanted him to do something he didn’t want to do. How do you influence him?
Watch Your Language
You may be comfortable with the terms “therapy,” “psychotherapy,” and “personal growth,” but most men aren’t. Going for “a consultation,” “counseling” or “coaching” to “get back on track,” “find a way to control anger” or “learn some new skills” often work well.
Plant the seed and nurture it. This is not a sprint; it’s more like a marathon. Even when physicians refer a man to me, it takes an average of about three months before I get a call. Read the rest of this entry