Dear Members and Visitors to GoodTherapy.org,

Today the GoodTherapy.org Team was pleased to experience the second teleconference in our Spring into Summer Teleconference Series: Wired for Intimacy: Awakening the I-and-Thou Experience in Couples Therapy presented by Hedy Schleifer, MA, LMHC. A big “thank you” to Hedy for taking the time to present her empathic & optimistic approach to enhancing and healing relationships: Tikkun Relational Therapy to GoodTherapy.org members.

To support those of you who attended today’s teleconference and who may have more questions or would enjoy having a forum to discuss Hedy’s methods, we created this blog entry to serve as a forum where you can post your questions, leave comments, and engage in a dialogue about it. Please feel welcome to join us in the discussion.

To view the comments or make your own, simply scroll to the bottom of this particular article and click on the “Comment” link.

For more information about Hedy and her workshop programs, please visit her website:
http://www.hedyyumi.org

Enjoy,

Noah :)

Noah Rubinstein, LMFT
Executive Director
http://www.GoodTherapy.org

© Copyright 2008 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Irvine Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

By Marianne Esolen, L.M.S.W.

Click here to contact Marianne and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

As a professional who has worked in one capacity or another with children and teens for nearly twenty years, the topic of grief and loss has been consistently present in all my interactions with young people. Long before I decided to return to graduate school for social work, I found myself encountering youth from all walks of life struggling to cope with issues of loss, from the grief attached to a parent’s divorce to the grief associated with the death of a pet, a friend, a teacher, a parent. I found the topic in hushed tones of colleagues, in open rap groups for teen girls, acted out in games at a shelter for abused women, as quiet conversation among middle school students on a field trip, and as a random question or comment seemingly out of the blue during some recreational event, like a baseball game or Halloween Party. During most times when the topic emerged, there was a tentative and questioning look or brief and uneasy pause where I sensed a combination of hope and caution, curiosity and reservation. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org News Update

Therapists first began the use of virtual reality in the treatment of stress 20 years after the Vietnam War ended. In 1997, researchers in Atlanta created Virtual Vietnam, a program that produced the sights and sounds of war: Huey helicopters with whirring motors, rice paddies, jungle clearings. The idea was to use exposure to the traumatic events to help relieve veterans of the effects of Posttraumatic Stress.

Exposure methods to treat trauma were first used by Edna Foa in the treatment of rape victims. The idea, in using “prolonged exposure”, is to disconnect the patient’s memory from his or her reactions to the memory. Studies have shown that after prolonged exposure, the memory remains but the “cues” that trigger trauma response–sounds of gunshot or a car backfiring, say–are reduced to insignificance. “The trauma thus becomes a discrete event, not a constant, self-replicating, encompassing condition,” reports Sue Halpern, in a recent New Yorker article on Virtual Iraq.
Read the rest of this entry

By Victoria Schlicht, LMFT

Click here to contact Victoria and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

No one wants to be a fool, least of all a fool in love. But what of being a Fool for Love? Is there any difference? Foolishness, folly, fool-hardy. We know it all too well. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. This is true of gambling with our hard earned dollars. Might it also be true of gambling with our hard won hearts? Shouldn’t we be just as careful and cautious about how, when, where, and why we choose to invest our love? And yet, we can be smart, brainy, canny, and wise in the ways of the world. Too smart to be taken in. Too smart to be trusting. Smart enough to value safety and avoidance of pain and brokenheartedness above everything else. Even with the one we love. Too smart to allow the vulnerability that open-hearted love demands. Read the rest of this entry

By Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.

Click here to contact Jeanette and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Flora was proud of herself. Her stomach felt flatter. Her new diet and exercise regimen was paying off. She ate things she liked and found exercises that fitted in with her energy levels- not the self flagellation she inflicted on herself in the gym the last time she tried to lose weight. She was amazed at how easy it was to follow her program and how much she was enjoying it.

A couple of weeks into the project Flora was part of a decision making team at work. There were disagreements and heated opinions flying around making her feel uneasy. She wanted to let them know what she thought but couldn’t fight her way into the conversation. She didn’t want to be the center of attention by yelling her way into the debate. Nor did she want to be ignored. Suddenly Flora sensed something was missing. She grabbed a pillow and put in on her abdomen. What a relief! At that very stressful moment Flora missed the ‘padding’ that her fat had provided. The cushion smothered her conflict, removing the need for making a choice. Driving home she felt annoyed that no one had invited her to comment or made room for her opinion. Demeaned and diminished Flora’s anger frothed up. She stopped at a store and bought a quart of vanilla ice- cream and a large bag of corn chips. Read the rest of this entry

By Arthur Becker-Weidman, Ph.D.

Click here to contact Arthur and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Temperament is a given and appears to be largely genetically based. Understanding what is temperament and how it may affect your relationship with your child can help you develop a better relationship with your child and avoid many problems later in life.

Temperament is a largely genetically determined set of characteristics that remain unchanged from birth throughout life. Beginning as early as four months of age, a child’s temperament can be determined. These temperamental traits are largely unchanged throughout life. Understanding temperament is important since these personality traits do not change. A parent needs to understand these dimensions so that the parent can adapt to the child.

Temperament refers to enduring traits of a person’s approach to the world. These dimensions are found in all children across cultures. A child’s temperament is a core element of the child’s personality. Since it is unchangeable, understanding temperament is essential to knowing how to approach your child. What may appear to be a problem may actually be a mismatch between your temperament and that of your child. Read the rest of this entry

By Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Click here to contact Lisa and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

If there’s one thing that we all seek - it’s happiness. I’ve never met a person who has told me they didn’t want to be happy, have you? When I do individual therapy, I have the opportunity to sit down with people as they present their concerns to me - whatever they may be. They usually seek therapy because they’re experiencing some level of emotional distress - and are fundamentally unhappy. I’ve noticed that a number of things come up over and over for people as reasons why this is so. There are certain things they either have - or don’t have - and with this information I’ve been able to come to an understanding of a question posed by many:

“What makes people happy?”

What do they have that others don’t? What’s their secret?

The following are my 6 secret qualities of happy people, in no particular order: Read the rest of this entry

By Reverend Doctor Silvia R. Behrend

Click here to contact Silvia and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

So many of us understand counseling to be an art, a marriage of knowledge and a certain ability to use that knowledge elegantly, incorporating intuition and spirituality. In my experience as a minister offering counseling and as a chaplain in a hospital, I have found that there is another dimension to the “art” of counseling: the intentional creative process coupled with the understandings of self-psychology provide a transformational template that has love and compassion at its center.

In my work as a minister and as a counselor in private practice, I make no distinction between the words soul and self. I use them interchangeably; either word connotes the “essence” of the human being. The work of the self or soul is to become whole, being born and being human already means that the essential ‘isness’ is compromised simply by being in the world.

I have found that one way to help the soul reach toward wholeness is to engage it on the slant. That is: rather that directly confront the ‘issues’, ‘wounds’ and ‘trauma’ experienced by the soul, the cut-off elements of the soul can be enticed into integration. This is possible through the use of the arts. In my particular experience, I have used the art of stone carving to illustrate that the soul can emerge from hiding in a loving, compassionate and non-pathological manner.

My work in this area has been formed by the understandings of self-psychology and my own experience in creating art as well as facilitating that process for others. I would like to articulate a simplified version of the theory of Self-psychology Then, using my student’s own experience, I will demonstrate how engaging in creating art, in this case, stone carvings, allowed them to see themselves differently and integrate the cut-off parts of themselves with love and compassion. Read the rest of this entry

Dear Members and Visitors to GoodTherapy.org,

Today we were pleased to present the first teleconference in the 2008 GoodTherapy.org Spring into Summer Teleconference Series: Psychological Resources, Personal Experience, and Social Relations presented by Stephen R. Lankton, LCSW, DAHB. A big thanks to Steve for taking the time to present to GoodTherapy.org members his intuitive approach to to identifying and using experiential resources to help people to transform.

To support those of you who attended today’s teleconference and who may have more questions or would enjoy having a forum to discuss Steve’s methods, we created this blog entry to serve as a forum where you can post your questions, leave comments, and engage in a dialogue about it. Please feel welcome to join us in the discussion. Steve has kindly agreed to visit the blog and answer questions about how his approach and methods.

To view the comments or make your own, simply scroll to the bottom of this particular article and click on the “Comment” link.

For more information about Steve and his work, please visit his website: http://www.lankton.com

Enjoy,

Noah :)

Noah Rubinstein, LMFT, LMHC
Executive Director
http://www.GoodTherapy.org

By Delyse Ledgard, MA, RCC

Click here to contact Delyse and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

“For each person who volunteers to live the life of a tool, lest he turn out to be a knife, there is another who threatens to become a wound.” ~Sheldon Kopp.

In coming across the above quote recently I was reminded of the pain caused by being caught up in this cycle. Back in my mid twenties I was a walking wound, and to compensate I tried to take care of others and become the tool to their healing. Thankfully I have come a long way over the years even though there are times when I can get drawn into this dynamic. I have found this description a useful way to understand how we are caught up in being dependent on each other’s happiness. Partners will move between these three positions creating relationships based on powerlessness and fusion.

When I began my training I was first acquainted with this system in relationships as having three positions, persecutor, victim and rescuer. It is useful to conceptualize each position as a separate person for description, but more accurately they are aspects within our psyche that are activated in relationships. We express them in reaction to what we perceive and experience in others. However, you may recognize that you gravitate towards one characteristic in particular. Here is a description of each of these positions. Read the rest of this entry

By Sloane Veshinski, LMFT, CAP

Click here to contact Sloane and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Are you aware that most Americans spend more on material items than they do on their individual happiness and personal relationships? In the United States, the average American spends upwards of $40,000 for a luxury automobile and approximately $5,000 for a two week family vacation. What if I told you that for far less than the cost of a car or a vacation, you can achieve individual happiness and relationship stability.

The truth is that individuals, couples and families experience a level of both internal and external conflict daily over their own wants and needs, the needs of their children, financial issues, sexual issues and life in general. It is when these daily conflicts become weekly and then last for a month or more, without any relief despite your best efforts that you may need to consider counseling as opposed to a drink, a drug, a vacation, new car, a sparkly bauble or a costly divorce to resolve your issues.

Counseling and therapy have long had a reputation for being only for those who are “crazy” or “out of control”. This is simply not true. Therapy and counseling are available for people who are having individual issues, relationship issues, family issues with children, in-laws or significant others in their life, career challenges, or are dealing with experiences that happened years ago which are still affecting how they are coping with things today. Read the rest of this entry

By Barbi Pecenco, MA

Click here to contact Barbi and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

There are plenty of articles out there from relationship experts encouraging the rules of good communication, but rarely does anyone tell us what to do when we have practiced those rules and our partner continues to act unreasonably.

Standing up for yourself is an important relationship skill. But often what we think is standing up for ourselves is actually being critical of our partner and trying to convince them that they are “wrong”. This approach usually does not work because your partner is so busy defending themselves that your message is lost. You are NOT powerful when you are critical; instead you give your power away due to the damage it does to your relationship.

Giving others the benefit of the doubt when they seem to be doing something “wrong” is typically a better reaction than blaming, shaming, judging or criticizing. It’s important that we say, “Hmmm, I wonder what my partner was thinking when he promised to take out the trash and didn’t for the third day in a row” as opposed to “How lazy is he? I’m going to really lay into him this time!”

Instead of attempting to prove your partner wrong (or lazy) in an attempt to stand up for yourself, the alternative is to ask your partner to consider your needs and work with you to negotiate something that is best for the relationship. However, if asking your partner to meet you halfway doesn’t work then it’s time to insist on it. Read the rest of this entry

By Patti Desert, LCSW-C, CEMDR, CP

Click here to contact Patti and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Many men have a difficult time recognizing that they are depressed. Men often interpret the word “depression” as describing a state of helplessness or hopelessness, accompanying a general sense of feeling fragile or vulnerable. In many ways our culture conditions men to ignore these states or to experience little awareness of them. Men are taught “boys don’t cry,” and are uniformly rewarded with praise and validation when they “act like a man” instead of tearing up or expressing fear in response to a harshly distressing encounter. After years of this kind of persistent reinforcement these boys grow into men with a form of blindness whereby they often do not see or understand the nature of depression and they can become bound by painfully repetitive behaviors and feelings with no knowledge that they can change.

What men do recognize is the feeling of stress and they will commonly describe situations as stressful with no awareness that those situations are the triggers stimulating an internal state of dis-ease that often leads to depression. The following are some of the less recognizable experiences that men commonly describe as stressful and that are symptomatic of depression. Read the rest of this entry

By Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

At a recent event, I had the joy of watching a boy, no more than seven years old, exploring his world. His energy sparkled and his spirit was pure; he was an “old soul,” to say the least. As part of a “quest” he was asked to bring back the answer to the question “what is wisdom?” He waited patiently as my friend and I considered our reply. The answer was painstakingly difficult, and at best, only touched the surface of wisdom’s substance. “Wisdom is knowing and doing the right thing, even if it is the hardest thing to do.” Off he went, and there we stood, dumbfounded.

I continued to ponder the boy’s question, and our brief answer. I considered how often the universe asks us to do the wisest thing, which is often the thing that hurts the most. Yet, our humanness, and our desire to not suffer, or see others suffering, blocks us from doing that very thing. Instead of pushing through the pain, facing it, exploring the suffering, some chose not to do the wisest thing. It can seem counter intuitive. The wisest thing can be, in actuality, the choice that would hurt the most, initially, even if is more helpful in the long run.

Maybe you know that something in your life is not healthy, right for you, or even puts you in danger. Wisdom tells you “I need to stop this,” but the expectation of the pain from that decision over rules you. Instead of listening to your inner wisdom, you allow the fear of the suffering to take over. You do nothing, or the same thing. We do suffer, and will, but it is at the other side of suffering that wisdom develops. Wisdom comes from experiencing what is difficult, surviving it, healing from it, and ultimately, integrating what is learned. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org News Update

Death is not a subject most people like to contemplate, especially their own death. Even though counselors are trained to help people prepare for death and cope with death, few are eager to examine the implications of their own death. Sadly, counselors are not immune to horrific acts of crime, as in the case of the murder of a psychologist in New York back in February. While one’s counseling practice may be the last thing on family members’ minds in such a situation, a professional will, just like a personal will, provides assurance that one’s practice is taken care of ethically and responsibly. How many counselors/therapists have a professional will? Very few. In fact, according to Psychotherapy Finances (April 2008), only 1% of surveyed members of the American Psychological Association had a professional will. Why would a counselor need a professional will? Well, consider the following. In the event a counselor dies, what happens? Who notifies the clients and how? What happens to the counselor’s client files? What happens to the counselor’s office? Who notifies the counselor’s insurance company? Who resolves finances associated with the practice? These and other questions can be answered in a professional will.

So what kinds of things should a counselor include in a professional will? According to Kenneth S. Pope, Ph.D., ABPP & Melba J.T. Vasquez, Ph.D., ABPP , the first step in developing a professional will is assigning an executor of the will. Who does the counselor trust with such a task? Ideally, another mental health professional who is familiar with one’s practice is the best choice. Planning out and reviewing the professional will with the chosen executor allows the counselor to have assurance that both clients and the practice are taken care of responsibly in the event of the counselor’s death. Given the lack of information on this subject, it is important that counselors are made aware of professional wills and are provided access to resources for establishing a professional will.

By Lori Payne, LPC-S Click here to contact Lori and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

©Copyright 2008 by GoodTherapy.org All Rights Reserved. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Lori and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile