by Rhoda J. Lipscomb, MSC, DAACS

Click here to contact Rhoda and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Recently it has become more commonplace to have clients come into my office and state that they have a sex addiction. Often when asked how this was diagnosed they respond that their spouse or other family member told them or they read a book and self-diagnosed. Sometimes when examined more closely, the client does not have a sexual problem at all, just a higher than average sex drive well as living in a sex negative environment.

Many sexologists are beginning to speak out about the attitude that promotes the current level of misunderstanding about problematic sexual behavior. Many practitioners would condone a client who watched 3 hours of reality shows on prime time as normal, while someone who views an hour or two of porn on the internet as an addict. Could both people be spending their leisure time more productively? Absolutely, however if both are able to be productive in their jobs and relationships, then why would some view the latter as problematic?

No one denies that sex, like many other things, can become compulsive, problematic behavior. As some would say, sex is like Jell-O in the refrigerator, it takes on the flavor of whatever you put with it. Sex can be sacred, loving, kind, healing and fun if that is the focus. It can also be hurtful, coercive, demeaning, or wounding. Read the rest of this entry

by Jaelline Jaffe, PhD

Click here to contact Jaelline and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

There is an old Chinese proverb: “Tell me, I forget. Show me, I remember. Involve me, I understand.” Kids are often visual and kinesthetic learners. Talking at them, or even with them, is usually not nearly as effective as getting them involved in something concrete, before going to the abstract.

In conducting a counseling program for adolescents, I hear an unfortunate number of them talk about their lives as if they are over. This girl feels like a failure because she doesn’t have a boyfriend. That boy is drinking and using heavily. Those over there are running with a tagging crew or a gang. Some cannot imagine living to age 25.

Because so many kids are stronger in visual and kinesthetic intelligences than in verbal or mathematical, I find it is much easier to connect with them and to get an idea across if they can see it and experience it, than if they just hear it. In group or individually, I ask them, “Who is the oldest person in your family?” or “How old was your grandpa when he died?” The answer usually is around 75. Read the rest of this entry

by David Walton Earle, LPC

Click here to contact David and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

Why was the TV show, Seinfeld so popular? A sitcom that was self declared about “nothing’ yet so funny, why? In the episodes, the characters never said what they really meant, were emotionally dishonest, and often played head games. Could it be the reality was life-like and in its exaggerated form, we laugh at ourselves? Was Jerry and company’s coping skills really working for them or is there a better way?

Have you ever been so mad at your employer that you did something to get even? Being late for a meeting, talking about them behind their back, being overly critical, not doing your best, spreading gossip, or taking extended lunch breaks; these are example of acting-out behavior. Where does this behavior originate and what can management do about it?

During times of conflict, there are several methods of expression; such as being aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, or assertive. Some of these behaviors destroy relationships; only one style strengthens them; suitable for personal as well as work place environments. Read the rest of this entry

by John Gerson, Ph.D.

Click here to contact John and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

I’d like to begin with the following vignette. It’s fictional, but contains communication snafu’s that, although probably unintentional, can be wounding. How the wound is dealt with can determine if its effects are short-lived or if they become part of the catalog of complaints that one spouse holds and remembers about the other.

“Kitty and Joe, both in the early 40’s, have been married for 15 years, and have 2 children, Cathy, age 12, and her younger brother, Bobby, age 8. B0th Kitty and Joe are attorneys; Kitty works part time for a local corporation, and Joe works full time in his family’s law practice. They are generally a thoughtful, cooperative couple, and after Cathy’s birth, found that the increased stress and demands placed on both of them made their cooperation with each other even more important. Their relationship is strong, and its durability has rested on their usually being mature and above all, conscious of their own behavior and how it affects their partner.

Recently, however, stress has mounted. Joe’s law practice has suffered an economic downturn; fewer and fewer litigation cases are coming into the firm, and although Joe’s compensation is not yet being affected, he’s worried. Cathy continues her part-time corporate job. She’s is as yet personally unaffected by the slowing economy, but she is aware that the company has been considering laying off less essential personnel. In short, both husband and wife are somewhat worried; their sleep is being affected, and Joe, the spouse more inclined to somaticize his stress, that is, to put it into his body, has had bouts of diarrhea and headache. Read the rest of this entry

By Jennifer B Baxt, LMFT, LMHC

While it is understandable that most people have a natural tendency to feel uncomfortable with their own aging and mortality, there are a few in the crowd who are horrified by the natural process to the point of having a phobia. The phobia where people are terrified of aging is called gerascophobia. Though, to say it is simply a fear of growing old can be a little deceiving. Gerascophobia is perhaps more the fear of what can happen to a person when they grow old. It could mean a loss of independence they value, the wrinkles they will develop, the loss of hair (mostly in the case of men), any diseases that can come from aging, or even a retirement they don’t know what to do with. For many people, these thoughts briefly cross their mind and are quickly brushed away with reasoning; aging is a natural process that happens to everyone and they will deal with it when the time comes. Unfortunately, for the few who suffer gerascophobia, it is something that brings on anxiety and fear about something they really don’t have any control over. Perhaps the lack of control is one of the major worries for these individuals as well; a lack of control whether they will end up in a nursing home, for example. Read the rest of this entry

Dear Members and Visitors to GoodTherapy.org,

Today we were pleased to present the fourth teleconference in the GoodTherapy.org Winter Teleconference Series: The Right Use of Power presented by Cedar Barstow, M.Ed. A big thanks to Cedar for taking the time to present to GoodTherapy.org members her wonderful attachment based approach to ethics.

To support those of you who attended today’s teleconference and who may have more questions or would enjoy having a forum to discuss the Right Use of Power with others, we created this blog entry to serve as a forum where you can post your questions, leave comments, and engage in a dialogue about it. I hope that everyone will feel welcome, whether you attended the conference or not, to join us in the discussion. Cedar has kindly agreed to visit the blog and answer questions about the RUOP model. So please feel free to post questions, concerns, feedback.

To view the comments or make your own, simply scroll to the bottom of this particular article and click on the “Comment” link.

For more information about the RUOP and Cedar’s training programs, please visit her website: rightuseofpower.com

Enjoy,

Noah :)

Noah Rubinstein, LMFT, LMHC
Executive Director
http://www.GoodTherapy.org

© Copyright 2008 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Plano Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Therapy for Traumatic Stress: The Container

To keep the memories of abusive experiences aside, some lock their emotions, thoughts, and experiences away. Some describe their disturbing memories as if they are in a file folder, hard drive, cabinet, on a shelf, or out of the body. For others, the “containers” are described as being hidden from view, out of sight, maybe out of mind. Despite being sealed shut by these distractions, each container wants to be unopened, despite the person’s fear of opening them. Trauma therapy means opening the containers, carefully, and with appropriate and clinically sound support. Releasing trauma’s hold on the body can be a gift, albeit one to open with awareness.

Your Body Has Memory

As you remember from part one of this article, the nervous system remembers trauma. The posttraumatic stress symptoms that it gives you are its way of telling you, “Hey, deal with this!”

Therefore, if you start trauma therapy, it is important to understand that your body has memory, and will react. Because your body “holds” the memories, thoughts, emotions, and images of what happened, it is very possible that you will experience them in and or outside of your sessions. Read the rest of this entry

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

One of Many

No one ever told her that the memories would come back to haunt her. Time had tucked it all away when no one believed her about the abuse. Drugs and alcohol were the only things that listened. They believed in her. Concealed from view, in the darkened corners of her mind, they were patiently waiting. Waiting for just the right time to jump out at her, surprise her, and catch her off guard. Like an unexpected movie, suddenly flashing across her mind, her memories, they presented themselves to a reluctant audience. As they created soundtracks, images, and body sensations, she was overwhelmed and alone. She walked into my office, not knowing what to do, or where to begin.

She is one, of many, who share their harrowing stories with me. The numbers are staggering of women and men who have survived sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, sexual and physical assault, let alone deaths, accidents, violence, war, catastrophic events, even traumatic loss like divorce.

You May Have Already Stopped Reading

I know that for you, this article may not apply. I may have already lost you by now. Perhaps there was no event in your life that you would define as “traumatic.” Or, it’s in the past, right? I know that what one person may consider traumatic, another may not. Perhaps you know someone who understands it all too well.

Nevertheless, it is important to recognize that the perception of being in danger, unsafe, or threatened, defines it as such. Know that if you have had a sense of being unsafe or threatened, your nervous system will remember. Even if you do not define an experience as traumatic, unconsciously, your brain and nervous system can still perceive that you are in danger. When they do, their automatic functions take over, which can lead to traumatic stress. Read the rest of this entry

by David Walton Earle, LPC

Click here to contact David and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profil

Appeared in State Business Magazine – Winter 2003

“What is the object of education?” is a question I ask my entry-level students at the University of Phoenix. They respond with the answers that you might expect: “to learn”, “to excel”, “to extend yourself”, “to gain knowledge”. All these answers are the hopefully the result of education but just what is the object of education?

It was Charles Darwin who said, “It’s not the strongest of the species, nor the most intelligent, that survive; it the one most responsive to change.” This statement is not only the key for evolution but relates directly to the success of any business. What are the key factors required for successful change?

Is failure part of success? The great industrialist, Henry Ford said “Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently”. The former head football coach of LSU, Jerry Stovall and I had the common experience of being fired. We were discussing our mutual experiences when he made a profound observation: “I wouldn’t hire someone who hadn’t been fired”, I looked him incredulously and then he continued, “I want to see if they landed on their feet or their head!” From that object lesson, I now give myself permission to make one risky and sometime expensive new venture per year. Two years in a row the ventures have not proven successful but I know one someday will. Unless I give myself permission to fail, I will not continue trying and ultimately never reach the rewards of these calculated risks. Read the rest of this entry

By Mitchell Milch, LCSW

Click here to contact Mitchell and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

Among other things, a good marriage is a salve against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. It is also a shelter from the storm of Murphy’s Law and, a safe haven of mutual support and security where we insulate ourselves from the impersonal and frightening unknowns of life as we chart our courses toward the future. Marriage is the quintessential security blanket in that it makes real the illusion that we are important and special and thus, will be cared for until death do us part. So, we venture out into a world of exciting and frightening tomorrows armed with a protective mantra, “No matter what happens everything will be alright.”

In my private practice I have observed how marital crises that eventuate in separation and divorce rip these security blankets to pieces. In best cases, the loss of a spouse may for several years leave us at least, on occasion to re-experience ourselves as young children separated from our mothers minus our security blankets. Thus we can feel ill equipped to care for ourselves let alone to take on added responsibilities as a single parent. Read the rest of this entry

Stefanie Luna, LMFT

Click here to contact Stefanie and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

When it comes to the holidays are you thinking “I’ll just be glad when it’s all over with”? You’re not alone. Many people believe that we’ve gotten away from the true meaning of the season, with consumerism and unrealistic expectations taking all the fun out of things. But that’s not at all why you’re dreading the holidays this year, is it? Have the holidays become “hollow days” because you don’t have children yet?

The holiday season means different things to us over the years. As a child it is a time of wonder and excitement. Everything seems to have a special sparkle about it. As a college student it is that welcome break that follows all night study sessions, term papers and final exams. Oh yeah, and a time to eat mom’s home cooking. It is a time of spiritual preparation and reflection and a time to realign priorities. And as adults we get the opportunity to rediscover magic through our children. But, when you long to be a parent, the holidays can become a painful reminder of what’s missing in your life. Holiday traditions can seem hollow and empty without a child to share them with.

It’s no wonder those struggling to build a family find themselves feeling increasingly stressed and sad as the holidays approach. Here are some tips to help you get through the next month and maybe even experience some joy along the way. Read the rest of this entry

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate. — Carl Jung

As the year has come to a close, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on the experiences, lessons, and even challenges that it brought. Like a tide washing over the beach, in and back out again, the year came and went. It left, just as quickly as it came, but not without exquisite shells in its wake. As I have reflected on my time with clients, and the work we do, I know that each of them experiences “healing” differently. Nevertheless, I have found, that Carl Jung was right. We must heal, from within, and explore unchartered territories. Besides, they are there, just waiting for us to explore.

Unchartered Territories

Old English map makers often marked the edges of maps with imposing dragons, serpents, and other terrifying mythological beasts. Unsurveyed waters threatened sea fearers. Some chose not to venture into those unchartered territories. It was too scary and represented the unknown. Others, gathered their resources, planned for the quest, and hoped for the best.

Sometimes, you also have to ask yourself, which type of explorer you will be. Sometimes you have to ask yourself if it is worth the emotional risk. Perhaps it is more of a risk to stay exactly where you are, motionless, static, and still on the shore. Read the rest of this entry

by Tonya Ladipo, LCSW

Click here to contact Tonya and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

There are many different ideas about why we don’t seek therapy. Some believe that it is only for wealthy, White people, others believe that you don’t go outside the family with your problems. Some of these thoughts keep us struggling more than we need to. Here are some of the more prevalent ones.

“But I’m not touched”
Many of us think you have to be “touched” or “crazy” to go to therapy.” While it’s true that some people with mental health issues seek therapy, it’s really a service for anyone. Therapy is a paid service that connects you with a trained professional who provides you with the support you need to live a healthier and happier life.

When I first met “Andre” he was apprehensive about seeking therapy. For many months, he questioned whether or not he should be in therapy. Overall, he felt that his life was manageable and that he did not have enough problems to go to therapy, after all he had a job and people who cared about him. He certainly was not “crazy”. After several discussions about the purpose of therapy and its benefits to him as a rationale person, Andre accepted his desire for therapy. In fact, in a recent session Andre said that the healthiest people he knows are all in therapy. He realizes that therapy is a place that can benefit everyone, not just a small segment of the population. Andre further explained that the people he knows who have the most problems aren’t in therapy. Of course, as a therapist, this makes perfect sense to me. Recognizing that your life is not how you want it to be or that you need additional support takes a lot of courage and self-reflection. These are not the thoughts of a “crazy” person. Rather, this is the thought process of someone who has a sense of who they are and wants more from their life and themselves. Read the rest of this entry

The GoodTherapy.org Team is pleased to announce that the Find a Therapist, Find a Counselor Directory has been updated to include a more user-friendly system which allows visitors to browse for a therapist by location. Click on the following links to find a counselor or therapist in your area:

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© Copyright 2008 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Pasadena Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

by Pamela Simmons, LPC

Click here to contact Pamela and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

It happens every week. I walk into the bathroom. There is no toilet paper on the roller. The good news is there is a new roll of toilet paper sitting right on top of the roller! Does anyone else face this dilemma? At church last Sunday, among the four of us talking, three of us are the official and only changers of the toilet paper in the house. One woman said she walked into her daughters’ bathroom and found three rolls stacked on an empty roller. Changing the toilet paper is probably the easiest of household chores, so those of us allocated that responsibility should be relieved. Instead we are annoyed. Does no one else know how to do it? Is it too much to expect that one could put a new roll of toilet paper on the roller? It’s a brainless job.
For many a mom, taking care of the home is a form of loving our families and we find joy in it. BUT—are we creating monsters of the next generation who will enter marriages expecting Hilda Housekeeper to take care of everything? Are our children and husbands blind about all we do and then cannot function when we are gone? How do we handle this? This is more than toilet paper. The issue is not the tissue. This is about the balance of power and balance of managing a home. Many couple and family fights are about chores. How do we as families address the notion of community responsibility, roles and expectations? There is a way not to do it and a way to do. Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Mary Ellen Barnes, Ph.D. & Ed Wilson, Ph.D., MAC

Click here to contact Mary Ellen and/or see her Profile
Click here to contact Ed and/or see his Profile

Between us, we have been helping people get over alcohol related problems for over twenty years. Sometimes it’s his or her own use, sometimes a friend’s, family member’s, or employee’s. We’ve always helped each client to find their own unique solution to whatever troubled them. In the course of thrashing around looking for these individual answers we’ve learned a lot about what works and what doesn’t and for whom.

The first lesson learned is that nothing works for very many people – AA and the other 12-Step based programs have about a 5% abstinence rate over one year, and less than 1% over five years. Other one-size-fits-all and abstinence based programs have similar rates as far as anyone can tell. Read the rest of this entry

by Michael Picucci, PhD, MAC, SEP

Click here to contact Michael and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

Complete recovery is a 2-stage process- recovery from addictions and traumatic histories, and recovery of fulfillment, wisdom, serenity, and emotional, spiritual and sexual wholeness.

As we enter the dawn of a new millennium, traditional psychotherapy-and the therapist’s role-appear caught in the sort of crisis described by Denise Breton and Christopher Largent in their book, The Paradigm Conspiracy.1 The detached, analytical approach often practiced by psychotherapists since the days of Freud no longer makes people well. In fact, this strict therapist-patient/ normal-sick paradigm may actually make them worse, contributing to deeper feelings of alienation and frustration. For our own field of addictions therapy as well as other specialties, it is evident that the time has come for a “paradigm shift” toward a more “soul-sensitive” 2 approach to psychotherapy. The need for change was championed in recent statements by Dr. Patrick Carnes at the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity conference in St. Louis. Fr. Leo Booth echoed the view that spirituality has become the cornerstone of both our individual and collective healing when he stated that as therapists, “We must open our mind to new ways of seeing our future…and bring to that the energy of creative positivism.”3 Read the rest of this entry

A GoodTherapy.org Featured Column written by Dennis Thoennes, Ph.D., ABPP

Click here to contact Dennis and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

Recently a client described an icy meltdown she and her husband had with one another. This is not an uncommon event in the lives of couples I see. I noticed I began to consider a variety of therapeutic frames I could utilize and directions I could take to facilitate the client’s self exploration and find a way to understand such a difficulty and find acceptable alternatives. Then something else happened.

I noticed I am much more familiar with this “icy meltdown” experience than I’d care to admit. I so often fall short of the expectations I have of myself as husband, human and therapist. Then I recalled a line I heard in a workshop conducted by Stephen Levine, “Have mercy. Have mercy.” Pema Chodron also addresses this in her book “The Wisdom Of No Escape”.

We are all so human, so incomplete, so flawed and often have such high expectations of ourselves and others. This can set the stage for a life of unmet expectations and a long and painful traverse of life. Certainly there are instances where we cut ourselves or others too much slack.

Often we want so much from others and ourselves. What would “have mercy” actually look like. It could mean compassion for myself and others. I realize that I want to help my clients be free of suffering and to be happy. Sometimes this is a noble veneer covering my desire to have my clients think highly of me and refer people to me so I can have the prestige, the income, the life I fantasize. Read the rest of this entry