by Rhoda J. Lipscomb, MSC, DAACS

Click here to contact Rhoda and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Recently it has become more commonplace to have clients come into my office and state that they have a sex addiction. Often when asked how this was diagnosed they respond that their spouse or other family member told them or they read a book and self-diagnosed. Sometimes when examined more closely, the client does not have a sexual problem at all, just a higher than average sex drive well as living in a sex negative environment.

Many sexologists are beginning to speak out about the attitude that promotes the current level of misunderstanding about problematic sexual behavior. Many practitioners would condone a client who watched 3 hours of reality shows on prime time as normal, while someone who views an hour or two of porn on the internet as an addict. Could both people be spending their leisure time more productively? Absolutely, however if both are able to be productive in their jobs and relationships, then why would some view the latter as problematic?

No one denies that sex, like many other things, can become compulsive, problematic behavior. As some would say, sex is like Jell-O in the refrigerator, it takes on the flavor of whatever you put with it. Sex can be sacred, loving, kind, healing and fun if that is the focus. It can also be hurtful, coercive, demeaning, or wounding. Read the rest of this entry

by Jaelline Jaffe, PhD

Click here to contact Jaelline and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

There is an old Chinese proverb: “Tell me, I forget. Show me, I remember. Involve me, I understand.” Kids are often visual and kinesthetic learners. Talking at them, or even with them, is usually not nearly as effective as getting them involved in something concrete, before going to the abstract.

In conducting a counseling program for adolescents, I hear an unfortunate number of them talk about their lives as if they are over. This girl feels like a failure because she doesn’t have a boyfriend. That boy is drinking and using heavily. Those over there are running with a tagging crew or a gang. Some cannot imagine living to age 25.

Because so many kids are stronger in visual and kinesthetic intelligences than in verbal or mathematical, I find it is much easier to connect with them and to get an idea across if they can see it and experience it, than if they just hear it. In group or individually, I ask them, “Who is the oldest person in your family?” or “How old was your grandpa when he died?” The answer usually is around 75. Read the rest of this entry

by David Walton Earle, LPC

Click here to contact David and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

Why was the TV show, Seinfeld so popular? A sitcom that was self declared about “nothing’ yet so funny, why? In the episodes, the characters never said what they really meant, were emotionally dishonest, and often played head games. Could it be the reality was life-like and in its exaggerated form, we laugh at ourselves? Was Jerry and company’s coping skills really working for them or is there a better way?

Have you ever been so mad at your employer that you did something to get even? Being late for a meeting, talking about them behind their back, being overly critical, not doing your best, spreading gossip, or taking extended lunch breaks; these are example of acting-out behavior. Where does this behavior originate and what can management do about it?

During times of conflict, there are several methods of expression; such as being aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, or assertive. Some of these behaviors destroy relationships; only one style strengthens them; suitable for personal as well as work place environments. Read the rest of this entry

by John Gerson, Ph.D.

Click here to contact John and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

I’d like to begin with the following vignette. It’s fictional, but contains communication snafu’s that, although probably unintentional, can be wounding. How the wound is dealt with can determine if its effects are short-lived or if they become part of the catalog of complaints that one spouse holds and remembers about the other.

“Kitty and Joe, both in the early 40’s, have been married for 15 years, and have 2 children, Cathy, age 12, and her younger brother, Bobby, age 8. B0th Kitty and Joe are attorneys; Kitty works part time for a local corporation, and Joe works full time in his family’s law practice. They are generally a thoughtful, cooperative couple, and after Cathy’s birth, found that the increased stress and demands placed on both of them made their cooperation with each other even more important. Their relationship is strong, and its durability has rested on their usually being mature and above all, conscious of their own behavior and how it affects their partner.

Recently, however, stress has mounted. Joe’s law practice has suffered an economic downturn; fewer and fewer litigation cases are coming into the firm, and although Joe’s compensation is not yet being affected, he’s worried. Cathy continues her part-time corporate job. She’s is as yet personally unaffected by the slowing economy, but she is aware that the company has been considering laying off less essential personnel. In short, both husband and wife are somewhat worried; their sleep is being affected, and Joe, the spouse more inclined to somaticize his stress, that is, to put it into his body, has had bouts of diarrhea and headache. Read the rest of this entry

By Jennifer B Baxt, LMFT, LMHC

While it is understandable that most people have a natural tendency to feel uncomfortable with their own aging and mortality, there are a few in the crowd who are horrified by the natural process to the point of having a phobia. The phobia where people are terrified of aging is called gerascophobia. Though, to say it is simply a fear of growing old can be a little deceiving. Gerascophobia is perhaps more the fear of what can happen to a person when they grow old. It could mean a loss of independence they value, the wrinkles they will develop, the loss of hair (mostly in the case of men), any diseases that can come from aging, or even a retirement they don’t know what to do with. For many people, these thoughts briefly cross their mind and are quickly brushed away with reasoning; aging is a natural process that happens to everyone and they will deal with it when the time comes. Unfortunately, for the few who suffer gerascophobia, it is something that brings on anxiety and fear about something they really don’t have any control over. Perhaps the lack of control is one of the major worries for these individuals as well; a lack of control whether they will end up in a nursing home, for example. Read the rest of this entry

Dear Members and Visitors to GoodTherapy.org,

Today we were pleased to present the fourth teleconference in the GoodTherapy.org Winter Teleconference Series: The Right Use of Power presented by Cedar Barstow, M.Ed. A big thanks to Cedar for taking the time to present to GoodTherapy.org members her wonderful attachment based approach to ethics.

To support those of you who attended today’s teleconference and who may have more questions or would enjoy having a forum to discuss the Right Use of Power with others, we created this blog entry to serve as a forum where you can post your questions, leave comments, and engage in a dialogue about it. I hope that everyone will feel welcome, whether you attended the conference or not, to join us in the discussion. Cedar has kindly agreed to visit the blog and answer questions about the RUOP model. So please feel free to post questions, concerns, feedback.

To view the comments or make your own, simply scroll to the bottom of this particular article and click on the “Comment” link.

For more information about the RUOP and Cedar’s training programs, please visit her website: rightuseofpower.com

Enjoy,

Noah :)

Noah Rubinstein, LMFT, LMHC
Executive Director
http://www.GoodTherapy.org

© Copyright 2008 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Plano Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Therapy for Traumatic Stress: The Container

To keep the memories of abusive experiences aside, some lock their emotions, thoughts, and experiences away. Some describe their disturbing memories as if they are in a file folder, hard drive, cabinet, on a shelf, or out of the body. For others, the “containers” are described as being hidden from view, out of sight, maybe out of mind. Despite being sealed shut by these distractions, each container wants to be unopened, despite the person’s fear of opening them. Trauma therapy means opening the containers, carefully, and with appropriate and clinically sound support. Releasing trauma’s hold on the body can be a gift, albeit one to open with awareness.

Your Body Has Memory

As you remember from part one of this article, the nervous system remembers trauma. The posttraumatic stress symptoms that it gives you are its way of telling you, “Hey, deal with this!”

Therefore, if you start trauma therapy, it is important to understand that your body has memory, and will react. Because your body “holds” the memories, thoughts, emotions, and images of what happened, it is very possible that you will experience them in and or outside of your sessions. Read the rest of this entry

by Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC

Click here to contact Sarah and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

One of Many

No one ever told her that the memories would come back to haunt her. Time had tucked it all away when no one believed her about the abuse. Drugs and alcohol were the only things that listened. They believed in her. Concealed from view, in the darkened corners of her mind, they were patiently waiting. Waiting for just the right time to jump out at her, surprise her, and catch her off guard. Like an unexpected movie, suddenly flashing across her mind, her memories, they presented themselves to a reluctant audience. As they created soundtracks, images, and body sensations, she was overwhelmed and alone. She walked into my office, not knowing what to do, or where to begin.

She is one, of many, who share their harrowing stories with me. The numbers are staggering of women and men who have survived sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, sexual and physical assault, let alone deaths, accidents, violence, war, catastrophic events, even traumatic loss like divorce.

You May Have Already Stopped Reading

I know that for you, this article may not apply. I may have already lost you by now. Perhaps there was no event in your life that you would define as “traumatic.” Or, it’s in the past, right? I know that what one person may consider traumatic, another may not. Perhaps you know someone who understands it all too well.

Nevertheless, it is important to recognize that the perception of being in danger, unsafe, or threatened, defines it as such. Know that if you have had a sense of being unsafe or threatened, your nervous system will remember. Even if you do not define an experience as traumatic, unconsciously, your brain and nervous system can still perceive that you are in danger. When they do, their automatic functions take over, which can lead to traumatic stress. Read the rest of this entry

by David Walton Earle, LPC

Click here to contact David and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profil

Appeared in State Business Magazine – Winter 2003

“What is the object of education?” is a question I ask my entry-level students at the University of Phoenix. They respond with the answers that you might expect: “to learn”, “to excel”, “to extend yourself”, “to gain knowledge”. All these answers are the hopefully the result of education but just what is the object of education?

It was Charles Darwin who said, “It’s not the strongest of the species, nor the most intelligent, that survive; it the one most responsive to change.” This statement is not only the key for evolution but relates directly to the success of any business. What are the key factors required for successful change?

Is failure part of success? The great industrialist, Henry Ford said “Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently”. The former head football coach of LSU, Jerry Stovall and I had the common experience of being fired. We were discussing our mutual experiences when he made a profound observation: “I wouldn’t hire someone who hadn’t been fired”, I looked him incredulously and then he continued, “I want to see if they landed on their feet or their head!” From that object lesson, I now give myself permission to make one risky and sometime expensive new venture per year. Two years in a row the ventures have not proven successful but I know one someday will. Unless I give myself permission to fail, I will not continue trying and ultimately never reach the rewards of these calculated risks. Read the rest of this entry

By Mitchell Milch, LCSW

Click here to contact Mitchell and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile

Among other things, a good marriage is a salve against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. It is also a shelter from the storm of Murphy’s Law and, a safe haven of mutual support and security where we insulate ourselves from the impersonal and frightening unknowns of life as we chart our courses toward the future. Marriage is the quintessential security blanket in that it makes real the illusion that we are important and special and thus, will be cared for until death do us part. So, we venture out into a world of exciting and frightening tomorrows armed with a protective mantra, “No matter what happens everything will be alright.”

In my private practice I have observed how marital crises that eventuate in separation and divorce rip these security blankets to pieces. In best cases, the loss of a spouse may for several years leave us at least, on occasion to re-experience ourselves as young children separated from our mothers minus our security blankets. Thus we can feel ill equipped to care for ourselves let alone to take on added responsibilities as a single parent. Read the rest of this entry